Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by mcsiggy, Mar 1, 2017.
I just, i want to sleep and rest. i dont want to worry about money anymore.
Am I a baby for getting sad whenever i see my following and follower count go down on my main twitter? im not obsessively checking who's gone cuz i legit dont remember everyone anyway, but seeing the numbers go down just :( makes me so sad.
i enjoy seeing mutuals/friends on my dash and seeing the number go down i think effects me so much more than it should. things have been not fun for me lately so,, ye.
maybe i should just die, nothing in life feels like anything and i just, i dont want to be around anymore.
i forgot how much i felt discouraged from reading another webcomic cuz i feel like mine isn't as good or even half good, but!! I gotta remember that, im writing something a little different, and i portray things differently. if i have fun w/ what i do it'll be okay ;w;
its just still hard to not compare urself sometimes.
The last thing i said is accurate but it doesnt remove how i feel like i'm not actually good at what i do at all and im a failure on so many levels for my craft and as a person
lmao i'm one period away from just offing myself at this point
what does it mean when you want a dick but you don't want to be a guy and still seen as more feminine despite u being nonbinary
asking for me
ever since we buried our dog last year, we've been putting flowers on his grave whenever mom got any from work
it's a nice thing to do, just wish it didn't remind me how afraid i am of dying after everyone else i love dies before me.
i think this is why i like greek myth a lot cuz, it's just everlasting in their own way.
idk, growing old isn't what full scares me, is the dying and not knowing what happens after is what makes me afraid, but i kind of hope i see hades or... idk, someone who's caring enough to understand that i'm trying my best now.
I know it's my period talking but, man, nothing feels fun or amazing at all anymore.
i feel like a failure, i have no money, i have no energy to earn money, i'm constantly trying so hard to be somewhat normal but i feel like i'm just a freak who everyone tolerates.
I wish i was more comfortable w/ expressing myself how everyone else does when pride month is around when it comes to exaggerate themselves.
like, i guess i feel bad cuz i draw dionysus a lot, and he really is that god who is queer all around, from drag to just hanging out, and i feel bad for not drawing the more extreme parts of him because i dont know /how/ i can show it/i dont feel like i can do it at all because of how i am myself.
idk, i want to be less upset and nervous at my ownself and more like, idk, comfortable.
i did try to wear lipstick the other day and man, i was so nervous i didnt want to open my mouth at all cuz of lipstick teeth lmao
i love make up and i think it's so cool, but i wish i would apply it to myself w/o thinking i look like a freak, and it's just me wanting to put on simple black lipstick and eyeliner :')
i know the few times i wore make up i was either poked fun at (mean or not) and or was told what i was wearing looked bad, and i just... idk it made me not want to put anything on my face.
Getting emotional from feeling alone lol
i feel like my wanderlust is just me wanting to run away lol
Yeah I don't, want to enter art contests anymore. I always knew I wouldn't have a chance, considering I had no idea how the con wanted things to be and I guess mine was too bland and no one wanted to tell me
I just won't go to the con, I doubt there's going to be an empty table anyway.
I wanna cry and tell someone I'm upset but all my friends who are going to thr con have a table or know I'm being a baby about it and... idk. I just, I feel like I'm giving up on art cuz I never feel like I'm good enough and I'm getting too old for.. something. Idk
Honestly I wish I had my college money and get a bike already so i can just, take my anger out by cycling to no where
I just wish I was good enough for once. Not almost. Actually there good enough.
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