So I learned something scary about a downstairs neighbor

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by prismaticvoid, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. prismaticvoid

    prismaticvoid Too Too Abstract

    So there's this guy. He's in my year (or was, before I took a year off), so I've known him for a while. We've been between acquaintances and friends for a year or two. He's always seemed a bit socially awkward and especially recently I've noticed he's an ass to his girlfriend, but while that wigged me out I didn't suspect anything particularly horrible.
    Then two nights ago I was hanging out with friends, and one tells the story of a guy on her freshman floor who had neo-Nazi sentiments and propaganda on his dorm room walls, regularly played with knives in public, and threatened to kill a friend of hers because she knew the person who got him in trouble for the aforementioned playing with knives in public. I'm like "shit, who is this guy?" just to be safe.
    Turns out it's him. He lives in my building. He's been in my apartment. I'm a trans Jew dating other trans people and I have no idea what he's like now. Friend says he had mandatory therapy after the murder threats so he might be better now but I have no way of knowing for sure.
    What do I do? He's graduating this year so I don't need to deal with him for much longer but I feel unsafe knowing he lives downstairs from me. He's friends with my partner's roommate and another of my friends used to date him.
    I'm scared.
    Edit: main issue I'm having here is he's very chatty and I see him fairly regularly because he y'know, lives downstairs. I don't think I can interact with him normally anymore but I also am not sure I want him to know that I've learned this.
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018
    • Witnessed x 16
  2. latitans

    latitans zounds, scoob

    Holy shit that's such a difficult and awful situation. Huge huge sympathy.

    I'm not really sure what advice to offer, but I do think that your instinct to try to not let him know that you know is a good one. I also think that it's probably a good idea to try to avoid him in social situations much as possible. You don't have to give a concrete reason if you think that would put you in a bad position--stuff like "I'm tired" or "I have a lot of work" or "(that guy) and I don't really get along, so I think I'll skip this one" should be enough.

    The living-downstairs thing is so shitty, too. Like, you shouldn't have to feel trapped in your own home, 0r scared to leave because you might run into him. That's so unfair. Do you have roommates? Or other friends who live nearby? Do you think it would make you feel more safe if you had someone to walk home with?
    • Like x 2
  3. vuatson

    vuatson [delurks]

    If you can wear very visible earbuds or headphones as you’re walking in and out of the building, I’ve found that to be a good avoidance tactic that doesn’t involve conflict. You can just smile and wave or gesture to your earbuds if he tries to talk to you and keep walking. Also helps if you’re holding/looking at your phone.
    • Like x 1
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