so i'm being followed by demons: what do

script idea, pls feel free to edit/reorganize/etc as needed. [also eta: based on your age im assuming you're still seeing your pediatrician? so this is written with that in mind, if you are seeing an adult GP lemmie know /eta]

situation 1: you call, and are led to leaving a message

- *beep*

-> hello my name is [your full name], child of [your parent's full name]. i am calling to see if you can help me get a sooner apointment with a psychiatrist because of some symptoms i've been experiencing lately.

->> recently i have been [description of symptoms]. i originally thought i would be able to meet with my psychiatrist, dr. [full name of your psych], this month however the appointment is actually for next month. i have already contacted my psychiatrist about this situation via email, but it's been [time frame since you sent it] and he has not yet replied. this is a problem, because within the past few days i have noticed the symptoms getting worse [example of the progression you've noticed] and i really cannot wait that long. i need a sooner appointment either with him, or another psychiatrist who can see me sooner than next month. i am worried about the progression of these [hallucinations/delusions/ however you wanna phrase it] and i need to see someone who can treat me before the symptoms get even worse. can you help me?

->>> please call me back at [your area code + your phone number] at your earliest convinience. thank you!

->>>> *hang up*

-

that's what i would say, at least. i will return hopefully later today with script ideas for if you manage to get ahold of her directly, instead of leaving a message.

 

garbage ended up happening today so i couldn't make it to the phone until it was already too late but i can do stuff tomorrow! no amount of weird family drama will ruin my plans.

(someone please ask me if i've Done The Thing tomorrow so that it actually gets done.)

(also: i'm seeing stuff in the middle of the day now. guess the demons can follow me anywhere. i'm impressed, demon fanclub)

 

(maybe they'll clean my bathroom if i ask real nice)

 

(man, if you can get yours to do that, you should teach me your secrets, mine never do anything I ask, not even cleaning)

 

(Do demons have the physiological implements to do helpful household tasks?

What does a demon even look like? Maybe they're actually just weird dogs and you could befriend them if you fed them kibble)

 

(I imagine everyone's are different but mine are basically tall skinny black figures with four limbs, claws, horns, and gold eyes...so they do have the implements to do helpful household tasks! not...that they'd ever want to help me...)

 

Offer the demons a friendly horn rub. No sensible creature could say no, and it'd distract them from being demonic!

(Seriously though I hope both of you find effective ways to thoughtbanish your minddemons away because it sounds really gosh darn awful :c)

 

pffft
I'll try that next time they show up rather than salting my doorway
maybe if I befriend them they'll stop hovering menacingly just beyond the salt line

(honestly I'm not supposed to even be having these issues. I have medications. they just. don't seem to be working?? and my psych doesn't believe me that they're not PTSD symptoms...sighs. I know they're not. I've been dealing with my PTSD in therapy, those symptoms are mostly gone. it's not my PTSD, but she doesn't believe me, and I am Suffering.)

 

If your demons are afraid of salt, then seeing as salts and sodium ions are a vital part of your body's function then you're laughing! You could go up and boop their demonic noses and they'd be unable to do a thing about it. You are a walking person made of salts!

(And that sucks, your psych needs to buck their game up big time, because you don't deserve this on top of everything else :c)

 

!!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! yeah, they're weirdly afraid of table salt. which....probably has something to do with me watching a looooooooooooooot of SPN before I became psychotic...those ideas of 'demons are afraid of salt and trapped by pentagrams' are firmly rooted in my brain. but if I am also made of salt then I AM GONNA TRY NOT USING TABLE SALT BECAUSE HA YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME I AM MADE OF SALT AND ALSO TABLE SALT ON CARPET IS A NIGHTMARE TO CLEAN UP

(yeah, she kind of does. but she refuses to. I may have to attempt getting a new psych...sighs.)

 

if it works i will definitely get back to you! demon power: the new clean energy source

my demons look...kinda like homestuck imps, tbh. they're scribbly little black things w/ red eyes and horns and lotsa teeth. thoroughly underwhelming in every way because they are, again, fucking tiny. i'm honestly so disappointed in my brain for not making something actually interesting looking to taunt me with.

sounds like you might have to, yeah. you deserve to, like. get actual treatment for ur problems? and to be believed. 8(

 

@taxonomicAtrocity equip ye pogohammer, and just be sure that they do not deface your movie posters with esoteric clown imagery.

 

not the clown imagery, anything but the clown imagery!

 

see, psh, we don't need psychs and medication, all we need is Josie to tell us how to fight off the demons! /joking but seriously Josie you're awesome

 

Ah, thank you!

And seriously I hope you guys both find something that helps you make them behave/ultimately go the fuck away and leave your brains in peace

 

lmao so i finally got up the balls to call my psych instead of just emailing and the office is fucking closed. guess i'll just have to sit tight til monday. i've made it this long, i guess.

god, this whole thing could've been over and dealt with by now if i wasn't such a shit abt using the phone. >8(

edit: (seriously though whose bright idea was it to force the brainweird people to make contact thru the phone and only thru the phone??? like, who authed this and can i punch them.)

 

sympathy like and also if you find them, I also want to punch them

 

i'm pretty sure that that's why my psych hasn't responded to my email, ahaha. to teach me a valuable lesson about using the phone.

...which is kind of obnoxious, because i need help more than i need a fucking lesson.


edit: i'm also feeling uncharitable this morning so take the above w/ a grain of salt

 

if that is the case: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
if that is not the case: I can kind of understand why you would think that when feeling uncharitable, esp given what I've heard about your psych thus far...