just giving up and getting the suicide thing over with or keeping on living. i'm in seattle and i know that just moving won't fix my problems but i'm honestly just wishing i was dead more than ever like sure, there's things i want. but at the same time i don't want to even bother trying to get them. i'm listless, and sad. and poor. no job, no savings. seems so much simpler to just be dead. sigh. and i hate the thought of asking for donations, because i already feel like trash from the last time.
like i can't even afford therapy now. the thought of existing just makes me sad. i'm gonna be a sad lump of a person for the rest of my life and that's not fair to anyone
plus no one buys commissions from me, and i can't seem to finish the ones i do have. i'm a fucking trashlord
I promise if I ever call you a trashlord it is meant affectionately. :P You may not be able to afford therapy now but that's not always gonna be the case. In the meantime you can rest, learn stuff, draw stuff, work on arranging your life the way you want it to be. You'll be okay.
i don't feel like i will be okay. and i'm not really feeling up to drawing things. or learning stuff. or arranging my life. everything feels like it's more the end of times than really it should. i don't know why i bothered even moving, it would have just been easier to chuck myself off the hoover dam
i'm not really tired. i haven't been tired. physically. and sleeping just doesn't fix anything anymore
It may not "fix" anything strictly speaking but that doesn't mean your brain doesn't need it. No one's expecting you to have everything figured out by now, and getting out of a really toxic environment was a pretty great first step.
bluh. i probably feel like trash because all i've had today is some chips and an apple and some water. but i really am not feeling like cooking today. sigh.
Yeah, that wouldn't be helping. :/ The low spoons food thread is excellent for these sorts of situations!
*shoves you, very gently* Get something to eat, it will absolutely help you feel more like a human being (or whatever variety of cuddly canine makes you happy)
i don't like going through other people's kitchens, even if i have technically moved into the place i have shitty food hang ups and i don't see this changing right now.
If it helps, the average reasonable person's reaction to "all I've eaten today is chips and an apple" is probably "holy shit, would you like some food?" Like, that is a reasonable thing to do. If your anxiety is acting up too much for that, idk. Try to sleep, it's nearly two over there.
yeah. i'm... considering sleep as an option at this point because reading the low spoons food thread is making me cry cuz i can't even do any of those because apparently i am holding negative amounts of spoons
Eh, spoon requirements vary for people. I'll go find another source of those I had a while ago in the morning, I'm two hours later than you and it is emphatically bedtime. *pets* go sleep, you can work stuff out tomorrow.
I know it's not that easy, but there's almost always something to eat in the house, at least at snack level, and Alana's pretty much up all night most nights. And she likes you. Please come out and ask. Right now there's a piece of an Italian sub from last night in the refrigerator wrapped in paper that you can have. If you want. Or there's other things.
i know i'm just embarrassed and scared of asking for things due to Trauma apparently or something. always afraid of being in trouble for eating other people's food, i used to get yelled at for eating the wrong things at home.