Stress (unemployment, depression, money problems - advice requested)

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Chiomi, May 2, 2015.

  1. Chiomi

    Chiomi Master of Disaster

    T is my moirail, and I've lived with her for three years now. T has chronic pain that doctors have failed to diagnose as anything and thus refuse to prescribe painkillers for, and because of pain meaning she missed work, has been unemployed since January.

    I work freelance, and make about $1100 a month, which is not a ton but covers my half of the rent, bills, all of the groceries, paying down a credit card that still has about $2k on it, and sometimes a little leftover. I'm also a full time university student, trying to stay on the Dean's List because I want to go to grad school in a year and a half.

    Plus, the place we are living is for sale, and has been since January. We talked to a buyer's agent who told us that it was really hard to get approved for a loan as a freelancer, so we were going to wait until T had a job before trying to buy it. But it's now been listed on a realty site for two months, and had its first showing two days ago, so I sent in an application for pre-approval.

    And I know there's not a lot T can do to make a job happen? But she's also been having a lot of depression issues and will not make a doctor's appointment to get her meds up, so I would need to do that. And she's getting unemployment, but is usually behind on her paperwork, and plays Mass Effect basically full time, doing just over the bare minimum job seeking activities that let her continue to get unemployment. She's theoretically on file with a temp agency, but hasn't contacted them at all except once when they called her and she turned something down. And she keeps not answering calls, which I know is because of anxiety and depression and not being able to do customer service, which is what recruiters call her about because she has experience. Interviews have sort of dried up in the last month, too, which isn't helping, and she's already convinced that she Can't Do Interviews.

    It's just . . . really frustrating. I just had to cover $150 of her rent this month. I still do all of the cooking, or she goes for fast food, even though I'm in the middle of finals and barely have time to think. She won't even go get food on the stove: I have to bring it to her. And I know a lot of it's just really bad depression on her part, but I am so deeply fucking frustrated. She does the laundry, and will load and unload the dishwasher, and cleaned the bathroom last week because we had the showing, but I still feel like I'm having to do a disproportionate amount of work in addition to being the only one working.

    If she's still unemployed in the fall, I don't know if I'll be able to go to grad school: one gets a stipend, but I don't think it'll be enough, and so I might need to get a real job instead. I know that things will get better, eventually, and that she has to find a job at some point, but I don't know how to get there, and the stress is making me sick, and we might end up having to move into my parents' house if this place gets sold, and I'm considering getting another, traditionally structured, job myself just to be a better loan applicant, but I can't because I already don't sleep enough and work 10-18 hour days on the stuff I need to do.

    How can I, like, support her job search, other than just making her a doctor's appointment and making her go?
    How do I stop resenting her, too? Because I do, and I hate it.
  2. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I think you need to treat the depression and chronic pain before it will be realistic to imagine her successfully holding down a job. And resenting is... well, I mean, it makes some sense to be resentful, because it seems like she's not doing much and you're picking up the slack, but honestly she sounds severely depressed. Like, severely-severely. And I think that if you think of it as disability rather than Just Not Doing it might help frame it.
  3. Chiomi

    Chiomi Master of Disaster

    Taking that into account, I had her give me her medical login info and requested an appointment for a med adjustment. Thanks.

    It's also just good to vent. We . . . are not getting a lot of privacy from each other these days.
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