That's so SO: A Thread for Relationship Antics

This is a thread for recording cute and funny moments we have with our significant other(s).

I've been writing these as profile posts for a while, and I thought it might be time to make a thread so they can all be in one place and so others can add their own stories.


Here are a few new entries from tonight to start things out:

1.
SO: -flexes arms- Look at these guns.
Me: You need a permit for those.
SO: Luckily it's easy to get one.
Me: Stop shoving social commentary into your flirting.

2.
Me: -while folding laundry- I have two left socks here.
SO: Oh, good. I have two left feet.

3.
SO: -half asleep- Two anus.
Me: Three anus.
SO: Don't outbid me with anus.

 

me: is sitting on edge of bed
@Anomal(eee) : comes up behind me, tugs gently on my shoulder, and whispers loudly "follow for more soft cuddles"

 

Me: -hears something fall and looks over to see that my SO sat on the small pile of things that was on his chair-
Me: Instead of sitting on things, why not move them off the chair?
Me: You're even shoving those pens out of the Ziplock bag with your butt.
SO: -uses his hand to nudge the pens back into the bag and, coincidentally, also toward his butt-
Me: Don't go shoving them into your anus!
SO: Did you really think I was going to shove them into my anus?
SO: Don't answer that. -moves stuff-

 

Me: Downstairs, achieving Karkatian levels of Vijda Gaem Rage Screeching
Husband: Upstairs, playing with a different, far less catastrophically useless sack of smashed assholes
H: (To his group, via mic) "Oh my god. Oh my god. Please tell me you heard her latest one... No, just... Dude she just yelled 'jegus titty-fucking christ, what is wrong with you, you incompetent crotch-blistering fuckstains'... I know! It's great. I win... No, fuck you, I win best wife."

...welp.

(I should note that I'd muted my mic so I could rage properly without actually screeching at people)

 

Me: -reads over SO's shoulder- I thought that said "onion nipples are abortions"
SO: ONION NIPPLES ARE ABORTIONS!
SO: -reads what it actually says- "Opinions on abortions are kinda like nipples."
Me: That's not as different as I thought it was going to be.

 

I just opened Skype to chat with my SO (who is sitting right next to me), and saw that my last messages to him were:

[9/18/2015 11:50:10 PM] Me: Your computer's plugged into an adapter, right?
[9/18/2015 11:50:36 PM] SO: I had already unplugged it.
[9/18/2015 11:50:44 PM] Me: Awesome
[9/18/2015 11:51:02 PM] Me: Can has cup trick because toe ow move hurt?

He understood it.

 

SO: "If [Name] fuckin' cancels my damn exam board again* I am going to murder them to death."
Me: "To death, huh? That's a lot of murder."
SO: *grimly* "Yes."
Me: "Gonna kill them so hard they die from it?"
SO: "Yes."

*He's been trying to get a final verbal exam for part of his nuclear reactor operator certification for something like 3-4 months, with his COs breathing down his neck about it the whole time, but none of them can ever seem to make time to give him the damn exam they keep bitching him out about. Welcome to the Military.

 

SO: -has his thumbs and pointer fingers pinched together and meeting at the tips in "okay" signs while he twists them as if he's tying something in the air in his sleep-
Me: What are you doing?
SO: -talking in his sleep as he lowers his hands- I got rid of the DFD
Me: What's a DFD?
SO: I don't even know.

 

Once again, Husband suddenly rolls over in bed and very enthusiastically initiates sexytimes--

Spoiler: TMI: I mean VERY

Tonight included bitey kissing along with the grinding and groping

--for about 30sec, until he stops and flops back into REM sleep, complete with snores.

He vehemently denies this ever occuring. Including the time he woke up the next morning and blearily asked me what happened to his shirt (which I hadn't taken off him). It's about as hilarious as it is horribly frustrating.

 

While recovering from an "oh no @The Other Alex 's family is visiting tomorrow and we're not ready" panic attack; I calmed myself down enough to grab a salt grinder and pack of batteries, show them to Alex, and say, "A salt and battery!"
Alex: Did your dad buy those for us?
Me: Yes.
Alex: So your dad was charged for a salt and battery?
Me: Yes.

The bad joke helped me calm down the rest of the way and everything was okay. We fix everything with terrible humor. This is our relationship. ^__^;

 

My boyfriend and I finally decided that yes, we can say that we've gone out on a date, because HEY THAT TIME WE WENT OUT WITH A AND T FOR SUSHI TOTALLY COUNTS AS DOUBLE DATE
And now we have something to throw in a different friend's face when he starts jokingly harrassing us.

 

A heavy sigh, then, in tones of utter exasperation, disgust and irritatation:

"Then shut. down. the fucking. panel."

From deep within a blanket burrito at 1a. Apparently he's progressed to sleep-talking. (Poor baby can't even escape the Work Stupidity in his dreams)

 

@Aviari my SO (@The Other Alex) does the same thing with coffee drink orders. I'm a butt, though--half the time I try to convince him he's dreaming, and the other half of the time I add on to the order he thinks he's working on.

 

gave @a tiny mushroom my gender studies final essay to read over google hangouts and
her: ok i really like this essay and kinda want to like pick it up and swing it around
her: like a+ fucking gender shit right there
me: 'pick up and swing it around'?
her: i want to swing it around like a particukarly delightful infant
me: ;w;

it's the nicest essay compliment i've ever gotten

 

@An Actual Bird Thank you for keeping in my misspelling of particularly =P

 

@a tiny mushroom np, i just copy-pasted it

 

Me: Oh, hey. There are more of those funny Twitter posts. Wanna hear the new ones?
SO: Yeah!
Me: -starts reading said posts-
SO: -falls asleep and starts snoring before I finish the first one-
Me: :T

 

Me: No day shirts in the bed.
SO: -half asleep- I'm not wearing a day shirt.
Me: Your shirt smells like Starbucks.
SO: It's a day shirt.
Me: Take it off. :T
SO: It's not a day shirt.
Me: You just said it was.
SO: Because it is.
Me: Take it off! :T
SO: -does while grumbling- You just want me to take my clothes off.
Me: -puts a hand on his back to keep him from laying down and falling back asleep- While you're up--
SO: -knows I'm about to ask him to get up and help me with something so he quickly flops down onto my arm-
Me: -laughs- You are such a turd!
SO: -grins and falls back asleep, trapping me-
Me: ._. ...Can I have my arm back? -is eventually released-
SO: -covers his face with a pair of headphones for some reason and sleeps like that-

 

My woman offered to talkings me and play a video game with me because she's noticed that I've been depressed lately. Why is this woman so great. God I love her.

 

I have finally conditioned my SO to not be ashamed or feel compelled to comment on it when one of us wakes up past noon but to say 'good morning' no matter what, because morning is when you wake up. Now, whenever she wanders into the living room at 2 p.m, she accepts a cheery 'good morning!' and vice versa. heh heh heh >:3