https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.salon.com/2012/01/12/bdsm_its_less_transgressive_than_you_think/amp i completely agree with this, for the white slave owner kink guy, i think that he is completely thinking he wins at life for getting to do this, he’s the king of the world, he’s god, etc. he’s gleefully getting away with being racist and feeding some kind of mental illness that he carries around with him in his daily life. how you can connect this to transphobia or feminism i have no idea?
i definitely have some weird sexual trauma and boundaries but i don’t know what political term that falls under. all i know is people get angry first and ask questions never
TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI i feel like when people talk about sex they’re talking about something else just like with love they’re talking about something else. i experience emotions more deeply than most people so when people talk about their sex or love i just year completely unrelatable situations
i have two threads to proofread for insanity today but now i do just wanna go outside. okay. let’s do this. let’s ass backwards do wanting things. with ass backwards boundaries. i have to be productive and that means actually putting my ideas forward so i, a person, don’t have to exist in this stifled state
all the rally interesting navel gazing stuff is gonna be here all the daily life stuff is gonna be in the blogETTE
im currently redlining my own mental illness why do people keep telling me to get therapy... i'm better at it o___o just trust me? don't gaslight me? what if that?
i keep looking at all my art from the past few years and it’s all like... too unhinged. i’ll never make good art until i get my mental issues under control
i’m really thinking about how i’m going to tell the story of how i became what i perceived ruben to be, in the hopes of aligning with them, and became an abusive person without creating the effect of a bitter and unsympathetic narrator
i basically think no one cares about me on here so it feels safe but that’s not true but. extra measures. the person who is in my area and could either help or hurt me has me blocked so that’s
themes: red and white hospital ambulance heart monitor red and blue water vs. red juice the sky skateboarding purple the astral diamonds/crystals literal, not meth shoes/sneakers blunts lsd glass pipes yellow the sun/light the heart connection blue sky/water
everything that happens when i try to enter a relationship with somebody suggests that i am still not ready to be social
https://clarkrelationshiplab.yale.edu/sites/default/files/files/lemayclark(2015)(1).pdf i think this basically describes like... why i feel so weirdly dependent on a person who doesn't give a fuck about me? its like, i expect them to care about me, so my brain acts in such a way as if they care about me. i think.
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/3dcc/3d262c08f8f4eb8f766ad72f06d580869309.pdf LIKE THIS RIGHT THERE.... SAYS I'M VALID. i know it doesn't say that and has nothing to do with the situation
i remember them saying to me “i hope you can be free of this” and i’m starting to become conscious of how insane that is to expect someone to be free when they’re isolated with no help, with trauma they can’t recover from and no clarity as to why this is happening and what justifies it... it’s like releasing a baby into the wild and saying “i want you to be healthy” “it’s healthy for both of you if you stay apart and seek therapy” “i want you to be free of this” i feel like i still can’t understand what is going on this these people’s heads, other than pure malice and lack of remorse, makes them think this is okay?
