The Mandatory Dating Advice/Love Thread

Okay Kiddoes, in case I missed it, I'm making this thread. Please redirect me if I overlooked a dating/love advice thread already.

First question: I'm finally about to go on a first date with someone and I'm nervous as all get-out. I'm also quite possibly on the autism spectrum and find this kind of social dance extremely difficult. Any pointers for first dates highly recommended. Like what to avoid, what to do, what to wear, etc. Our first date is going to be at my favorite quiet bar on the westside of town and I'm quite excited because this bar is like my second home. Quite cozy and manageable as far as being overstimulated goes.

Other questionts welcomed in this thread of course!

 

Wear something comfy that you feel very good in. But like, don't go for anything that can be repurposed as pajamas. Like, a nice sweater with a good pair of jeans or something.

 

Yeah, definitely something you're comfortable in. You don't want to be plucking at and readjusting your clothes all night.

Any online dating advice? I am not good at this...

 

Okay so first date went well... I'm about to go on a second date. When do you bring flowers to a date? I'm thinking maybe it's too early for this one but I'm not sure x.x;

 

So I went on the date today, and I had a great time. The ending was hella awkward though, at least it felt that way. First he hugged me, which was weird because of physical contact and all that jazz, and then he tried to kiss me when we said goodbye again. Which is good in one direction I suppose, since it means he likes me (squeeeeee), but I had no clue it was coming, so he just got my cheek. It was weird. We are probably going to do something together next Sunday. When would be an appropriate time to tell him I am autistic? How many dates in? (I didn't state it on my dating profile)

@Kitchenyou10sull I think flowers are best brought to someone's house. That way you don't have to schlep them all over town if you're out and about on your date. So the first time you're invited to their house would be a good time to bring some, if you wanted to :)

 

@Emma ok I'll bring some flowers. Probably something small. I am picking her up at her house although I don't know her unit number yet D: Also in regards to letting him know you're autistic, I tend to drop that info almost right away cuz something almost always happen where I'm like ugh the thing happened, I should explain why this is an issue for me x.x;; my date didn't seem put off by the fact that I identified as someone on the spectrum so that was nice. But as a general rule, I'm not sure when to let someone know that... hmm.. Anyone else know?

 

I think I pass well enough to not have to tell these things right away, but I want to tell at some point, because you can't have a relationship when some things are hidden I don't think.
But then I worry that when I tell people they will look at me differently/unfavourably.

@Kitchenyou10sull Do remember to pick her up at her door though ;) Otherwise you still have the problems with the schlepping stuff everywhere :P Don't just wait outside with your car, or on the pavement if you're walking.

 

Oh crap.... I don't know her unit number tho... and I asked her on facebook... I think I'm going to forgo the flowers this time and bring them another time. My gut is saying to keep it simple since I don't know if I'll be out in my car or not. I'm so bad at planning things sometimes. Oh well.. I'm sure it'll all come together.

I "pass" enough for doctors to ignore the signs but people always tell me that I'm "unique" and "quirky" and "strange" and so I know I come off as neuroatypical at the very least.

 

@Kitchenyou10sull Oh yeah, but ping me as all those things as well, but most of them are still pretty surprised when I actually say the words, unless they've known me longer. In any case, I think I've 'warned' enough by putting on my profile that I am slightly weird :P

 

Okay so on the second date I wanted to hold her hand, but I didn't. I didn't know how to ask and I didn't know how to take initiative. Do I just grab someone's hand and hope for the best or do I ask first? When do you kiss? When do you do anything progressive to move the relationship from being just friends to being something "more"? I'm so bad at this :( I like her a lot and I want her to know that I do.

 

Bird and I didn't kiss until we'd been dating for 3 months but my advice is don't do that.
(I was a weenie who was scared of all this weird intimacy sex stuff and also smol and 14.)

As for hand holding... Second date might be okay? It depends on how close you guys have gotten. I personally would probably ask, and I think it would be possible to play it off as "kinda shy but cute" rather than "nervous and not sure what I'm doing". I am not sure how you would play it off like that, though, but I can see it in my head .-. Like, "Would you mind if we held hands?" or "I would like to hold your hand while we walk, if you don't mind?" or you can just kinda... Grab her hands and if she holds it back it's probably okay, but if she doesn't let go?

I've been with the same person for 6 years and have never had another relationship, I should maybe not be giving advice.

 

When in doubt definitely just ask if you can do something, if they make fun of you for it they're probably not someone you want to be dating because that's super not cool.

 

Trying to find a location for a date sucks, you guys :( I am trying to find a restaurant, but I have such trouble finding something I like and can afford :(

 

MY <3 CRUSH LIKES ME BACK HE LIKES ME BACK OH MY GODS AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT DO HOW ASK OUT HOW DATE AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

"Do you eat? I do! Want to do it in the same room sometime?"

</black books>

 

I sorta yelled "HEY HEY I HAVE A PANERA GIFT CARD YOU LIKE TEA COME GET TEA OR COFFEE OR COCOA WITH ME"
I can't social skills. But he IS getting hot drinks with me tomorrow.

 

Yay :D

I am not sure where the guy I went on two dates with and I are currently... The second date was fine, only leaving was hella awkward, and I am not sure whether that is because there is no click or because of the autism thing...

 

omg that happened to me too. After the second date I feel like things are awkward now between us. I was sick so we didn't hang out this weekend, but I'm almost better so hopefully I'll get to see her again soon and watch some Firefly or something :D

 

We went on a third date last night, and it was really fun. We held hands, and at the end we kissed a little bit. As it turns out, we're both autistic :P And I think he likes me :D (and thinking about it makes me grin stupidly)