The Pulse shooting hug thread

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by WithAnH, Jun 12, 2016.

  1. Shade

    Shade Member

    @ectoBiologist It's never going to make sense because you aren't an awful, violent person.

    I wish he had reached out and talked to someone rather than resorting to violence to deal with whatever his issue was. But, nope, he went out believing that was the right thing to do and will never be confronted on it. It so frustrating that he gets a guilt-free pass on harming strangers.

    I am taking solace in the fact that Pride kept on going. We won't be silenced. We've suffered too much and come to far to give up now. You can make us afraid but you can't make us stop.
    • Like x 3
  2. a tiny mushroom

    a tiny mushroom the tiniest

    Kinda glad I'm not in Australia right now, because my mum would be having a field day with the shooter being Muslim/Middle Eastern. She would probably be asking if I think Muslims are violent now, since they've targeted my community now.

    But I also wish I was there, so I could be with my queer friends, especially my queer Muslim friends. So I could go to a vigil. I live in a small Japanese city, there are only a handful of out queer people.

    My heart hurts.
    • Like x 3
  3. paladinkit

    paladinkit brave little paladin

    Not okay again.

    I avoided answering one of my best friend's text messages for a whole day, even though it was just an innocuous "hey how are you." I had a bad feeling about how it was going to go. For context, this is a queer woman my age. She's poly. She has two kids. And this is her response.

    (Please don't look at these if you're feeling especially vulnerable. I just... need someone to be angry and hurt with me, for those of you who have the spoons.)

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    I just stopped answering, and now I'm shaking and crying. I'm really not okay. And due to other life stuff I can't really afford to lose more friends, and I don't even know what to do or say.
    • Like x 4
  4. raginghearts

    raginghearts Well-Known Member

    fuck her
    the least she could've done is acknowledge that yeah this is a scary time and tbh it bothers me how she's making this out to be like 'it's all about the gays' when it feels like it's about the lgbt community as a whole, you know? like yeah the violence against transgender people has been increasing, which just makes this even more terrifying in my opinion
    it's not about the media
    personally i'm glad the media is at least somewhat paying attention to this

    i'd say don't talk to her for a while and when you do, try to see if she's okay with discussing how much that upset you, even if i'm getting the feeling she might not listen entirely
    but for now, fuck her
    • Like x 7
  5. Shade

    Shade Member

    God fucking dammit. How hard is it for people to be supportive? Like, a friend has told me they are sad about a thing, ranting about nonsense will make the situation worse so...don't do that thing? Be constructive and kind instead? I am angry at everything.
    • Like x 8
  6. theprettiestboy

    theprettiestboy wombatman

    @Kit that's super not ok of them.
    • Like x 1
  7. paladinkit

    paladinkit brave little paladin

    I ended up talking to her a little more, and things got worse before they got better, but what it came down to was that 1) we're giving each other a few days of space, 2) the misunderstandings we identified probably wouldn't have happened in person (she thought I was seeking reassurance against some pretty well understood friendship rules that she sucks at that when I really was just saying "this is a thing with me but heyyyyyyyyyy how are you;" I thought she was being dispassionate and flippant when as it turns out she was really mad about related topics and not expressing it well), and 3) she'd been stuck all day at work next to a TV doing the nonstop terrible news cycle, whereas I literally never encounter televisions in my normal life and get all my news online, preferably filtered through trusted personal sources to avoid triggery things. So! We'll be trying that again later, and I have some hopes for a better conversation, although I'm still really, deeply disappointed in her.

    In better news, being stressed about this made me finally reach out to my mom, and she was amazing. Highlights of that conversation include:

    "You are understandably shaken. Our whole country should be."
    "Know that even friends won't always "get it." Sometimes people are blind to other perspectives. Your feelings are not wrong."
    "I'm always here. I always love you. I am very proud that you and [Kai] have a good marriage. I tell strangers that."
    "I hate that your anniversary will be overwhelmed with these feelings this year." (Our wedding anniversary is tomorrow, and this will be 3/4 years that something has overcast it, 2/4 years being physically separated on the date of u.u)
    "I want to challenge you, sometime after tomorrow, to find some way to feel powerful in the face of what has happened. I'm not sure what can help you feel that way, but you might have some ideas."
    "You are an awesome person. Your sensitive soul can be a strength."

    So that was... really, really good.
    • Like x 5
  8. kmoss

    kmoss whoops

    If anyone wants a link to the democrat gun control filibuster, here is a working link
    Tammy baldwin has made me very proud of my home state today.

    otherwise, on twitter, there is a #queerselflove tag going, and it is very positive right now
    • Like x 2
  9. ectoBiologist

    ectoBiologist I'm a wise guy

    I had to write a thing for school and I found it cathartic. It's under the cut.

    Dear World,

    These words that I struggle to find come from a grieving genderqueer latinx student. There was a shooting in Orlando, Florida at a gay nightclub called Pulse. There was a shooting at Pulse during Latinx night. 49 people were killed, and more than 50 injured. It is important to know these facts. To know the intersectionality of identities that were lost in this shooting.

    Who was targeted? Why?

    Before I even begin to write my reaction to such a tragic, heart-breaking event, let us not remember the gunman, but remember the victims.

    Akyra Monet Murray, Amanda Alvear, Mercedez Marisol Flores, Kimberly Morris, Deonka

    Deidra Drayton, Edward Sotomayor Jr., Stanley Almodovar III, Juan Ramon Guerrero,

    Christopher Andrew Leinonen, Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, Luis S. Vielma, Peter O. Gonzalez-

    Cruz, Luis, Omar Ocasio-Capo, Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, Darryl Roman Burt II, Anthony

    Luis Laureanodisla, Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, Martin

    Benitez Torres, Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, Gilberto

    Ramon Silva Menendez, Oscar A. Aracena-Montero, Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez,

    Enrique L. Rios Jr., Miguel Angel Honorato, Javier Jorge-Reyes, Jason Benjamin Josaphat,

    Cory James Connell, Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, Luis Daniel Conde, Jonathan Antonio

    Camuy Vega, Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, Frank Hernandez, Shane Evan Tomlinson, Brenda

    Lee Marquez McCool, Angel L. Candelario-Padro, Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, Paul Terrell

    Henry, Antonio Davon Brown, Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, Alejandro Barrios Martinez,

    Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, Tevin Eugene Crosby, Joel Rayon Paniagua, Juan Chevez-Martinez,

    Jerald Arthur Wright, Leroy Valentin Fernandez, and Jean C. Nieves Rodriguez.

    Every single victim in this mass shooting was loved, is missed, and had a bright future ahead of them. I don’t know what else to say. I can’t find words to comfort anyone, because I, myself, need comfort in this time of tragedy. I feel personally attacked. Most of these young, bright, beautiful QTPOC were Puerto Rican or of Puerto Rican descent, and I’m too of Puerto Rican descent.

    It might seem trivial to you that I point these overlapping identities out. But it is my overlapping identities with the victims of this shooting that is causing me such great pain. Such great pain that I struggle to find words to make sense of a senseless act of violence. An act of hate.

    I feel crushed, I feel hated, I feel betrayed, I feel guilt, I feel a lot of emotions that I won’t write down and bore you with. I can’t even begin to imagine how those who personally know the victims are feeling right now. I don’t know what to say to comfort them. I want so badly to do that.

    It feels like I’ve lost family members. I feel deep down, in my core, shaken, alive, dying, grieving, and lost.

    Dear World, why should I try to comfort you with my words? Why should I be the one responsible for making sense of all this?

    Dear World, I am hurt. I am angry. I am terrified.

    But I will not be crushed.

    I will not live in fear.

    I will continue to live proudly as the latinx queer that I am.

    I will not be shaken forever.

    And when the time comes, I will find the words needed to move forward. I will find the words

    to inspire hope. To inspire healing.

    But for today, tomorrow, and the next day, I will say this: I am grieving.
    • Like x 6
  10. Salted Earth


    I finally had to confront some of my feelings in the wake of this and just... wow I am so scared and hurt that this happened. I can't even talk to my other queer/trans friends because I don't know where to start. At least I'm not American but... I'm so scared for my American friends. This is just so fucked up.

    Also, @ectoBiologist, that was a powerful thing which you wrote, thank you for sharing.
    • Like x 2
  11. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    since people are sharing poetry

    What Is The Price of Homophobia?

    I. it’s the fear and shame in my datemate’s eyes when we’re called ‘a pair of dykes’, the hurt that follows, the night I lie awake wondering what would have happened if we hadn’t run the other way, the night I spend listening to them cry because they can’t stand it.

    II. it’s the worry that comes when my datemate asks to hold hands in public in an amusement park, because we’re near the Bible Belt, and I don’t know what to do if their parent see us, or if a stranger yells obscene things at us, because you can never predict what’s going to happen. I just want to hold their hand.

    III. it’s the immediate fear that clutches at my heart the first time my datemate, who lives in the Bible Belt, tells me they think they’re trans, and says they want to bind, because a relationship is easy to hide, but a suddenly flat chest under a feminine face might draw attention.

    IV. it’s the worry that grips at me when my best friend tells me he doesn’t think he’s cis, and starts wearing makeup and nail polish, starts to try skirts on openly—I’ve heard of people getting set on fire for looking like a man in a skirt, and suddenly all my thoughts are consumed with ‘what if it happens to him’.

    V. it’s the shame when my friend asks me if he should try wearing nail polish as he questions his gender, and I immediately tell him no, and then have to rescind—I promised to be the most supportive friend I could be, and that isn’t it, but I can’t help but be terrified for him.

    VI. it’s the terror that comes from coming out, when I make a video to tell my friends, and find myself preparing for the worst, for name-calling and threats, because even though they all claim to be supportive, the true test is whether they’re comfortable with who I am.

    VII. it’s the upset that comes from finding myself forced back into the closet, from being misgendered repeatedly, from being deadnamed all the time, from my parents telling me ‘that can’t possibly be true’ and accusing me of lying, because they’re fine with LGBT+ until it’s their kid.

    VIII. it’s the immediate worry that follows learning of the Orlando shooting—wondering, were people I know, people I care about, were they there? and the answer, of course, is yes, because even if I didn’t know those people personally, they were part of the community, and losing them is a wound like I’ve never known.

    IX. it’s wondering if anything is changing, if anything has changed, if we can still live in a world where we have to live in fear of things like this. it’s wondering if any of those victims feared for their lives the way I now fear for mine, or if they thought we were past that.

    X. it’s the fear in my family’s eyes when I announce I’m going to Pride, after they learn of the Orlando shooting, because they don’t want me there, they don’t want me to be a target, not after what happened so recently, and then they tell me they won’t let me go.

    XI. it’s living in a world that you know doesn’t accept you for you, and feeling the fear and shame and worry and upset of knowing that people out there wouldn’t hesitate to hurt you, of knowing that there are people out there who disapprove of you simply for who you are.
    • Like x 4
  12. Lerxst

    Lerxst salty parabola

    Aaaaaaaaaaand someone's threatened a mass shooting at the Houston parade. It's being investigated but still. God fucking dammit.
  13. peripheral

    peripheral Stacy's Dad Is Also Pretty Rad

    So apparently I'm terrified now.
  14. kmoss

    kmoss whoops

    I'm still going.
    I have to.
    • Like x 2
  15. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    please be careful. I respect your right/need/want to go, but if you see anything suspicious, just. please be careful and aware of your surroundings.
    • Like x 3
  16. kmoss

    kmoss whoops

    yes. thank you

    I think I'm going to plan not to drink, and stick with a group of friends.
    Some of my team might be interested in going with me, but I have to warn them first.

    (also, is anyone on here in houston, do you think?)
    • Like x 1
  17. chaoticArbiter

    chaoticArbiter an actual shiny eevee (destroyer of worlds)

    okay, good idea. hopefully some of your team will go with you!
    (no idea. worth maybe posting in the Top Serket or wherever meetup threads are usually posted? I...think it's Top Serket, but that might be faulty memory at play.)
    • Like x 1
  18. Lerxst

    Lerxst salty parabola

    I'm near Houston and my church has a group going. I want to go but also don't want to ruin everyone else's evening by being stuck in hypervigilance mode the whole time.
  19. raginghearts

    raginghearts Well-Known Member

    Please stay safe ;n;
    I respect the hell out of you if you go, but... yeah. Stay safe.
    • Like x 1
  20. Mendacity

    Mendacity I’m meaner than my demons

    I wanted to post what markiplier said on this. I just got around to watching it (This shit has... yeah) but it helped? It helped me.

    he intentionally did not monetize this video out of respect
    • Like x 5
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