things grim's mom has done recently (advice request w a side of liveblogging)

that's definitely a thing that happens. but a big part of my problem is that she doesn't even think about the way she dismisses my siblings and me. like, the fact that her default assumption is that we still think of her the same way we did twenty years ago is... v distressing, esp when she also relies (or at least tries to rely) on us for things that are definitely not appropriate for someone you still think of as having the cognitive abilities of a prepubescent child. if that makes any sense

like, when I was 17 she kind of just assumed I could take care of myself and the cat and one of the dogs and the house while she went back to Tx to work, and we're all lucky she was right about everything but the housekeeping. that whole thing was a more than slightly illegal disaster, and everyone who could have done anything to get me out of that situation had their hands full just keeping me healthy and reasonably mentally ok and also keeping mom from cutting them out of my life

also, the context for that quote was mom complaining about my brother being mad at her for breaking fairly expensive plans yet again, plans that my brother didn't want to make in the first place. (everyone except mom recognizes that he's well past the age where mother-son vacations are cute or sweet, esp when everyone except her notices how she guilts and manipulates him into going.) specifically, by that point she was talking about how all three of us have things we're still mad at her about that are years old. but the behaviors we're all upset over haven't changed since each of these things happened. we're still upset bc it keeps happening, and attempts to point that out are generally met w DARVO or a dial tone

 

guess who blocked my siblings and I on her cell phone!

ok, she did this on monday, after I told her that I would prefer that she only contact me by txt. (I also told her that I wasn't ok w the way she colonizes my brother's house every time I'm there to petsit for him)

 

dad: "you or your brother needs to call your mom. she wants to be invited to thanksgiving"

no one has disinvited her. there's been no indication that she's not welcome, beyond the fact that I plan on showing up w a bottle of whiskey (it's not like I'm driving anyways). and the fact that my sister and brother in law will be there

 

reasons I'm enforcing limited contact w mom:

• I give an inch, she takes a mile
• she doesn't talk to ppl, she talks at them, to the point where "hey mom this song you've been talking about for the past half hour is something I can play on piano" is met w a disinterested "that's nice, but as I was saying"
• I don't trust her not to get physically violent if she thinks she can get away w it
• she kicked me out of the house several times when I was a minor, once on my birthday
• she used the account that my dad's child support payments went to to buy clothes for herself like every other week, while I was wearing clothes w holes
• she abandoned my sister and I during my sister's senior year of high school to spend the weeks working in Louisiana (we lived in Tx) and wouldn't let dad even come by the house to check in on us bc they were legally separated at the time
• she abandoned me in baltimore w my cat and a dog I could barely take care of to work in Tx during my senior year of high school
• during that year she left me w no money except the prepaid cards she'd send when I told her I was out and needed things like dog food, but not before and not on any consistent basis
• during that year she also had me mail her concerta- not the rx for concerta, but the actual pills and pill bottle- through usps. since concerta is a derivative of ritalin, which is a controlled substance, she was making me commit a crime by doing this
• I have a scar on my left ring finger from the time she threw a knife at me when I was 14
• for the past several years mom has been claiming me as a dependent on her tax returns, even tho I don't live w her and she doesn't pay any of my bills or tuition. the only reason I can't bring this to the IRS as tax fraud is bc the person who actually pays my bills, dad, has given mom consent to claim me on her taxes. dad agrees to this bc he's been fighting her for nearly 35 years and he's given up on picking battles at all
• years and years ago, she threw a pyrex bowl at my sister's feet, then made her clean up the broken glass
• the first nightmare I remember having as a little kid is of my mom's driving
• there's so much more but I'm too sober for the rest of this list

reasons my dad thinks I'm "not talking to [my] mom"

• trauma
• anger
• just, so much anger

and, well, he's not wrong. it's just. so much more than that

reasons my mom thinks I'm not talking to her

• still upset over stuff that happened so long ago
• seriously how can anyone expect her to remember any of this??
• my sister and I were such brats, and she was just showing us natural consequences
• we're all just trying to weasel out of giving her the help she needs and deserves to get her life in order

 

I'm adding the list of things that happened to the op, and will add more as I remember it or get angry over it all over again

in other news, mom was relatively well-behaved during thanksgiving dinner. she didn't give a shit about anything I was doing or anything but I got to piss her off by first showing her my undercut (which she refused to comment on) and telling her that my hair has only gotten thicker since shaving part of it

edit: oh, and she wants to get her 13 year old dog who has cataracts eye surgery, bc having a stranger poke around a dog's eyes is great for a dog's health and totally better than just accepting that the dog is blind and that he's fairly ok bc he has another dog to look out for him

 

still haven't finished that list, but later

yesterday was my birthday, so guess who called today! and who is so proud of me for trying to help ppl! (idek where that one came from. I mean, I've mentioned being on here a few times? but not in a "oh look I'm helping ppl" kinda way, more like "hey look more ppl like me!" maybe it's the volunteering at the resource center? but I stopped like a year ago) and who totally pays attention to things that I like and my art!

btw, she called bc she wanted to know what to get me for my birthday. and just. that's not a question I can answer even when I trust the person asking. don't ask me that question over the phone. ask me over txt so I don't feel put on the spot

 

well your mom is totally nuts

but i can say that i def find the exchange of cute animal content v helpful :3c

 

v floof

 

snowfloof