ok so. here's the thing. Spoiler: spoiler for length when unexpected things crop up that I can't handle or I get super frustrated to the point of breaking, I tend to scream or shout. Loudly. for example, when I found out that I was at risk for developing a certain kind of health problem that no one warned me about before and the doctor I saw said I had to change my whole diet, I went into a mini death-spiral complete with swearing and shouting (death sounded much easier and I was worried that I would no longer be able to eat anything I wanted ever again). I also called my dad an idiot because he was frustrating me with his political views yesterday, although I regretted it almost immediately. And then today, when I found out that the people at the gas station couldn't actually help me put air in my tires even tho it said online that they could do that and I didn't know what to do because I'm not super competent with cars, after I went back out to my car and had difficulties getting ahold of my dad and having no idea what to do I screamed and yelled that I hate cars when I don't actually hate them because I was so frustrated. I also felt kind of out of control. Based on what I've read about splitting, which I know is associated with bpd, this sounds like it could maybe be something like it if not the actual thing, but I'm not sure bc I definitely didn't start hating my dad or anything and I don't tend to split on people to my knowledge--my all-or-nothing thinking involving people is usually related to my anxiety in some way (I.e. I'm afraid that someone hates me based on one tiny thing I did, but know that that's an irrational thought). On a semi-related note, I do tend to be very flexible with my opinions sometimes in that I can see where multiple people are coming from usually, unless I feel like I'm being attacked and/or made fun of or I fundamentally disagree with them, in which case I'm probably super defensive. But that's usually only with my parents iirc. I've also had an explosive temper all my life, but explosions don't happen as often anymore, they don't last very long, and there isn't really any specific thing that triggers it 100% of the time. It's just. Me being overwhelmed and being very, very frustrated. So I guess what I'm wondering is does this sound like splitting to anyone, and is this something I should look into? Ftr my mom pings most people as having Something that we don't know about and my dad pings me as being potentially autistic based on what I know (super senses, wears the same kinds of things, likes things a certain way, appears to have special interests, has empathy that works differently, etc). If this isn't splitting I'd guess at bipolarity, but my mood seems relatively stable with regular ups and downs minus my small explosions so idk. I'd have to keep track of it better. EDIT: for clarification I know that not all autistic people exhibit the same traits--those were just the ones I thought of that he exhibits
You might want to look at intermittent explosive disorder too, since the massive explosion > instant regret is very common with IED. I'd hesitantly say that this doesn't sound like splitting, but I'm definitely not an expert.
wow yes i just looked that up and that kind of sounds like me. i dunno if it happens weekly bc i don't know if "getting Upset at someone messing up the system i was working with at work and exclaiming loudly when i dropped a bunch of books" counts. i'm gonna start keeping track of my moods and mention it to my therapist the next time i see her, b/c i'm Really Tired of having angry/panicked outbursts. in the case of today's outburst, the freakout started building up when i realized that the low tire light was on in my car, and then got progressively worse from there b/c i panicked and sort of...shut down in the sense that i wouldn't listen to reason (my dad was on the phone and saying that it was ok, we could work through this, it's not that hard) and i was just...afraid that something Bad was going to happen (like getting a flat tire) and i wouldn't be able to drive the 3 1/2 hours from my hometown to my apartment and i just. didn't know what to do. it kind of feels like my anxiety hijacked my brain and it came out in a mixture of anger and panic, if that makes sense. ....actually come to think of it my anger outbursts are sometimes panic or anxiety-related. with the medical thing i was mad because my doctor had told me i didn't really have anything to worry about when i'd seen him before and now because i gained weight this other doctor was saying that i'd have to make some serious life changes, but i was also terrified of my diet changing. either way tho i'm definitely talking with my therapist about this. thanks for the input! i think i have a better idea of what i need to do in order to work through this now.
I know someone who struggles with splitting specifically. She doesn't often have outbursts. She says when things are going well with a person, it's hard not to put them on a pedestal. They can do no wrong. Everything about them is perfect and charming. Even if she knows intellectually that things have not always been good with this person, it's really hard not to dismiss any misgivings or bad feelings. It may actually be difficult to recall memories of bad times at all. When she gets upset with someone or they do something that shatters that perfect image, suddenly she remembers everything negative they've ever done. Every fight, every bad feeling, is suddenly right in front. She feels betrayed, and bad about herself for ever letting herself forget that obviously this person is no good, probably both careless and malicious. There is no flexibility of opinion, no room for seeing multiple points of view. Just black or white. You're the coolest thing ever and everything you do is gold, or you're nothing but a source of agony who just keeps hurting her. What you're describing doesn't really sound like that to me? It sounds like something, but maybe more like you're easily overwhelmed by adversity or unforeseen difficulties?
Spoiler: elaboration+mention of possible abuse by parent i guess part of the reason why i was wondering if it was splitting is because when I was younger as *soon* as someone did something that hurt me a lot, I usually wrote them off/jumped to conclusions (that they didn't like me/hated me, etc). Buuuuut that. Could also have to do with my Parent Issues (my mother yelled at me when I didn't do what she wanted me to and she got frustrated might have made me afraid to upset anyone, to the point that I'm still afraid of it now even if i don't expect anyone to yell at me). to respond to your comment, I definitely do get overwhelmed easily, especially when unforeseen difficulties come up, altho I'm not sure why. Either way that and the parent thing and anxiety rage thing are things I'm probably gonna bring up w my therapist when I see her next, bc anxiety rage, not being able to cope with unforeseen problems, and not being able to fully trust that people love and care for me and (probably) wouldn't spend time with me or talk to me if they didn't are all awful things that I am really tired of. I know it's gonna be a lot of work, but at this point I'm willing to put it in because not putting the work in would mean I'd continue having issues.
