Frisk wobbled into their bedroom, set down their bookbag, and closed the door. Being the monsters' ambassador had sounded like fun when Asgore had asked. And it was sometimes but other times it just meant spending hours trying to explain monsters to grown-ups. And vice-versa. After a full day of school. Also Frisk was panting. It had just been a three-block walk, and they hadn't been going fast, but they still needed to catch their breath. At least they weren't alone. "Hi, Asriel," Frisk said, without even looking. A room just felt different when Asriel was in it.
The bedroom was at least mostly clean. Well, it had to be, what else did Asriel have to do today? Besides take care of the little pots of golden flowers he kept on the windowsill. All day he had felt off, and tired. But it wasn't abnormal for these things really, Frisk had been busy, and so he had busied himself with the things he liked to do. He wasn't really sure himself if he was ready to go to school on the surface, even if his mother had started one. Having the choice to decide when to start had left him mostly just wasting time. Not being a flower was still taking getting used to, even after all this time. The heavy feeling in his chest though lightened as Frisk got closer to home. Soon enough, there they were. It wasn't really unusual to finally feel like he had just surfaced from being underwater as soon as Frisk was near. But with half a soul, it was... harder. Magic was pretty much entirely off the table for him at this point, so all of his plant growing and cooking now had been the traditional way. He didn't have to look up from the plant he was inspecting when Frisk entered the room. "Heya! How are you doing?" He knew it was just as hard on Frisk as it was on him to be apart. Hopefully they didn't overexert themself too much.
"I'm good!" Frisk sighed. "Just had to explain to Grillby that restaurants need to have bathrooms up here. No, they need to, it's the law. Yes, real bathrooms. That work. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, humans really do that. Yes, we know it's gross, we do it anyway." Frisk went over and looked over Asriel's shoulder. They were totally ordinary flowers, they grew wild everywhere around here, but Frisk still felt a little weird about seeing them one at a time or grown in pots. "There's lots of kinds of flowers up here, y'know. You could have all different colors."
"Humans are so groooooossssss." He says, turning to stick his tongue out at Frisk. "You're all made of water and stuff, it's so weird." Asriel chuckles and pulls a dead leaf off of the plant he'd been inspecting. They are indeed just some ordinary flowers. He'd managed to snag a few from outside and had been collecting the seeds. But well, he had also gotten some other colored flower seeds from someone a little while ago. They did smell nice at least, even if it seemed to weird Frisk out. "I could, but... well. Yellow is nostalgic. I do have some white ones in my stuff somewhere. I'd have to wait till these ones die though, unless I want to buy more pots." He shrugs. "I mean, do you want the whole room full? I'm sure I could convince mom or dad to buy me tons more in all colors if I asked nicely enough." He probably wasn't wrong, just... Even after everything, the flowers were kind of comforting.
Until these ones die? "I don't want them dead," Frisk objected. "I thought you'd plant the other flowers outside or something." They thought of something, and gave Asriel a teasing poke in the side. "Have you even been outside today? I dunno how you don't go crazy, spending so much time in here. I totally get not wanting to go to school, but you gotta do something."
He sticks his tongue out again. "Excuse you! The garden isn't mine to fill with flowers, which is why I have pots." At the poke, he squeaks and gently swats at Frisk's hand. "I... yes. Totally. Why would I stay inside all day? It's not like I got some new books to read or anything. And the window lets in the sunlight... I mean. Hey. I'm just." He vaguely gestures with his hands. "If I go out, I have to... I have to talk to people! Maybe even people I hurt." It's not really easy to lie to Frisk. They just know how to make him be so damn honest with himself. "You don't know how it feels to confront that feeling all the time. Even if others don't remember. I.. I remember." He grinds his teeth and frowns, staring down at the flowers he had just been taking care of. Fingers shaking, he resists the urge to start plucking the petals off of it. Maybe yellow isn't just the right color. "You're right about the flowers. I should have planted them outside though." The mood in the room has obviously shifted, regardless of how Asriel wishes it hadn't. And it was his own fault too. "I'll see about finding a spot for them out there soon."
Frisk grabbed Asriel's shaking hands. "No, I do know what you mean. I remember... I remember a little, from, from the other times." The worst parts. Or at least, Frisk hoped those were the worst parts. "I know it's hard, but... if they don't remember, if something else happened, doesn't that mean that you fixed it? Made a better choice?" (i knew you had it in you) Frisk shuddered. "It's not like that any more. Right?"
"I'm not sure them not remembering fixes it. I know what I did. You know." He sighs, but at least with Frisk holding his hands they begin to steady. "I can't even look at some of them without remembering. And. I still feel it, you know?" That emptiness that always nipped at him, even now. Half a soul only meant he was half empty. Which was a stupid metaphor and he hated it, but he still felt that cold desire to just. See what happens. But without the determination he used to have, he isn't able to SAVE anymore. "I don't know. I don't think it's like that." He sighs. "I don't know, we should drop it. Lets do something else." Yeah, avoidance totally doesn't help. And likely Frisk won't drop it, because Frisk is always so determined. It's just how they work. Asriel on the other hand is not near as determined. Hell, he isn't even sure he wants to fix things sometimes. It's hard, it's hard and he knows it.
Frisk hadn't really wanted to talk about the bad times, that was a pretty awful thing to think about for them too. What they'd wanted was for Asriel to go outside and do stuff sometimes. "Do you want to go look at the stars? There's no clouds tonight, I bet if we go over the back hill where there's no lights it'll be really pretty. And there won't be anyone around. Wait a minute, have you even seen stars yet?"
Yep. Bad times are Avoided. So, a change of topic seems at hand. Luckily, the art of acting was not that hard and easier to manage when the other person wanted the conversation steered away. "I would love to look at the stars. I've looked at them before, when we got up here... but. It's always nice to look again. " Asriel smiles at Frisk, carefully taking back his hands. The shaking at least has ceased, with the conversation finally avoided. "Sounds like more fun than what was going on."
"Come on then!" Frisk still had their shoes on, and Asriel didn't wear shoes anyway, so they could just run right out. The hill behind their house wasn't so hard for Frisk to climb as it usually would have been these days. Behind it, all the lights from the town were blocked out, and the two of them could lie on the grass and see the stars - it looked like millions of them. Frisk flopped down, laughing. They were out of breath, but it wasn't too bad. "You know they have names? I don't know them all, but I think every star has one." They picked out one they knew how to find, and pointed. "That one's called Polaris. It never sets, it just stays in one place, so if you find it you know which way is north."
Following Frisk was easy, being together just felt much better. Running was something he wasn't even used to doing, but chasing after Frisk was exhilarating in a way he doesn't usually get to feel. Soon enough the town's lights were gone, and they were at the top of the hill. Flopping down in the grass, Asriel stares up at the sky above, revealing in the feeling. The wind against his fur was still so foreign, but so welcome at the same time. He snorted when Frisk began talking about the stars and how they have names. "Well I figured they would have names. It's cool though. So that one always stays in place? Do you know why?" He watches them twinkle in the distance, his eyes scanning for things he wasn't really sure of. Far above he sees the lights of a plane go by, but can tell the difference due to the colors. Even if he can't see the plane itself in the dark. "It's weird, I never thought I'd see the real stars. But they're so much prettier than I thought they'd be."
Frisk had never even thought about why the North Star didn't set. They'd always been more interested in the names and the stories. "No idea. But yeah, they're really pretty. And I'm really glad you get to see them." Frisk put one hand behind their head, and with the other kept pointing out specks of light and giving them names: Vega, Jupiter, Arcturus. "See what you miss from being inside all the time?"
Asriel watches Frisk point out the stars, listing off names he doesn't recognize and will likely forget and need to be told about again soon. "They are pretty, yeah." He isn't sure how to feel about it though, and that empty place inside of him continues to bite and nibble hard. "I can see the stars from the window, gosh. It's not like I don't know what they look like." He blows a raspberry. "I hope dad doesn't get worried that we're not home."
"I've got my phone." Frisk patted their pocket to make sure. "Yeah. He can call if he's worried. And it's not bedtime yet." Something in Asriel's voice bugged them though. "But... we can go back if you want. It's okay if you don't like it, I just thought... maybe you'd want to do something outside where you didn't have to talk to people."
It was true, it wasn't bedtime. And they hadn't much else to do. He wasn't really trying to worry Frisk either, he just hadn't much to say. Not to them or to the other monsters he had hurt in the underground. "Nah, we don't have to go back. There isn't much to do in the house right now anyways!" He flops back into the grass and stares upwards. "Maybe we should visit Mom soon. I know you've been busy, she probably would like it though."
"Yeah, that'd be cool. I see her at school, and I talk to her about ambassador stuff sometimes, but it's not the same." Frisk kicked their heels on the grass. "And Alex will be there, too. I think they miss you."
Bringing up Alex makes his stomach lurch. He misses Alex like nobody's business. Alex was his best friend, the only person who got him. Right? He probably pauses just long enough after that for it to be noticeable. "... Yeah. We really should visit mom... and Alex." The thought makes him almost feel sick. And monsters don't even usually GET sick like humans. Asriel tugs at some blades of grass with his fingers. "You think that they'll be mad at me for avoiding them? I haven't seen them in a while since we came up here."
