Vent Venting Snail

it's cool, dude. you're having a rough time of it, listening is thd absolute least I could do.

Anyways, I really love how you write dialogue! It's got a nice flow to it. I think "Thirsty" is my favorite. Bratty John is really nice and plays off Bro well.

 

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D: Do you have anywhere you can go? What do your savings look like? Gosh, I'm so sorry, man.

 

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Is a roomate you don't know a no go? I think there are apps and sites and stuff for finding people who want roomates. It might be easier to deal with the cos with other people? I'm not entirely certain how this kind of stuff works, sorry. Uhh. I got money to spare, so I'll send some your way once i get to an actual computer.

Just, wow, I'm sorry. There's a thread on here called Happy Spam, and it's fulla nice stuffif you want aomething to help you calm down. Take your mind off it for a bit.

 

eta: 7/3/16
I am not suicidal, I'm just going through a lot and it's making my brain very confused.

 

Yeah, i can get that.

Try to be nice to yourself. When i get trapped in an anxiety loop, it usually helps me to think about myself like i'm trying to lead someone else to do something. Like, would it help get the job done to yell at this person for crying? Stuff like that. I've been doing stuff like that at work, and it's like immediate results. Get easier every time.

 

Witnessed, dude. This would be rough even w/o hormonal shennanigans.

 

eta: 7/3/16
I keep making bad choices and seeking attention.

 

eta: 7/12/16
This forum is shit. And I always feel like I'm fucking wrong all the time. And I hate contributing because every time I do I'm wrong. Just get slammed the fuck down and misunderstood and I fucking hate it. Every major contributors opinions and voices matter more. Nobody tries to oppose them. It's shitty. I want to be part of the community but I just feel like I'm being laughed at.

 

That's not true.

I'm sorry, i dunno what's going on in your head or how to make it better. But you're definitely a real person and ypu deserve to be happy and safe.

 

I'm currently homeless.
My aunt is willing to pay for me to have a place to move on my own as long as I can afford it.
My parents split up.
Lilsis is stuck with abusive mom.
Stepdad is sleeping in his truck.
I had a very big melt down day yesterday.
I need to break up with the ldr.
Because I found someone else.
Calling apartments is hard.
I'm scared I'm being toxic.
I want to hurt myself.
Too much internalized upset.

 

I'm not homeless. I have my own place. Things are going well with that.
What I am having problems with is a feeling of discontent with my job. Money is a big issue.
My anxiety has been terrible lately. I've been having more meltdowns.
Boyfriend is good to me. I worry I'm letting myself change too much.
I feel bad about dave. About hurting him. Dam is trying to point out Daves toxic behaviors even if it isn't intentional.
Dam said he loves me. Which is strange. And foreign. I'm not sure if he is entirely truthful.
I'm a lot less sexually satisfied.
I feel small.
I want him to be romantic.
He's not very good at outward emotions.
Things are strange.

 

I'm glad you're not homeless and to see you back on kintsugi.

 

I've been lurking a while here and there. I still don't feel comfortable contributing to threads, but it doesn't get me as anxious to be a spectator.

 

2/12/17 edit

i hate this forum.

 

2/12/17
that feel when you ask for a full forum ban and get denied. i don't want to access this site. i don't wanna see anyone here. i dont like the atmosphere.

 

I had a panic attack during sex again.
An actual physical panic attack, which I've been having more of lately. Anxiety attacks feel different. They are the mostly in my head freak-outs. Panic attacks are the can't breathe fear of all.
Coming into the new year, I want to try to be aware of myself and my moods. I flip drastically one second to the next. I think it might be the birth control. I don't remember ever feeling like this. Angry and out of control constantly. Or it could be some psychotic features just showing up for no reason.
Starting college on the 9th.
Hoping my application goes through for trainer.
I keep thinking D is going to leave me because of my snap moods. He hasn't done anything to provoke the thought, just expresses concern occasionally. I feel like the person I am isn't the person he started caring about before.
I worry about expressing love for him.
He keeps all of his emotions secret and it's hard to understand.
I feel like I demand him too often.
And that I need him too much.
I don't feel like it's healthy at all.
I should probably talk to someone about things but I'm concerned it will be one of those "take these pills and be a different person" things.
I don't want that again.
I'm tired and confused.