Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

Person who blocked me also posted a short story on her AO3 afterwards with a suspiciously similar premise to the big one she worked on part of with our group. Not actually stealing the idea outright, but I'm still kind of pissed off. I blocked her in turn, if she's gonna be like that I don't want to talk to her anyway, but it's very aggravating.

 

I cried literally all day and I don't even know why :(

 

feeling melancholy isolated and alien the moment my earbuds die and I can no longer fill the front of my mind with my audiobook. feeling like an empty person.

 

I do not like this current version of reality. Can I give it back?

The entire thing is making me really anxious >.<

 

I did some mature things and it resulted in a very painful x2 heartbreak for me.
I broke up with my long term girlfriend. And I cleared up a misunderstanding and my crush rejected my feelings.
Very painful.

 

Waiting to move on sucks fucking ass
I'm just sitting here then I get struck with the blah blah I'm heartbroken I'm rejected blah blah

I'm like hello? I want to move on now I'm ready to stop being a sad little guy over this.
Like god I know all my friends love me and think I'm cool and talk to me all the time what do you mean I'm unlovable and so lonely??? Like god its frustrating cause I've cleared up my feelings about it ive talked with my friend who rejected me and we're good. All my friends are hearing everyday about how I'm a sad and heartbroken little guy cause like It strikes me when I'm minding my own goddamn business! Like I'm just sitting here then I get all weepy and it fucking sucks.

I want to be like cool with it again, like a normal platonic feelings time feeling like how I feel with every goddamn friend I have. Like is it so hard? So fucking hard to just fucking chill out.

 

had the depression lecture during psychiatry, freaked out about being hashtag-called-out, asked my professor about it and told him that i had taken medication once and asked if i should go see a doctor about going back if i felt so called out, and now that i'm calmer i'm feeling like the most disgusting attention whore in the whole entire world. Fun! Not that it was a secret, I guess, cause i'm in med school and I have purple/blue hair and I don't even think that the fantasy dye aisle at the store is visible if you're not at least depressed or bipolar, but i still feel like. absolute trash! attention whore! faking your depression being worse than it is!
so. fucking. ashamed!!!!!!

 

woe, Overdue Email is upon me and I shall never know peace

 

it's Big Heartache Hours and i just wish feelings were easier? i get close to people so rarely and i'm just scared i've fucked it all because i have no way of going, 'oh, it's okay! you'll feel Big Feelings again!' it has happened Twice in my adult life. that's so fucking rare. i want to know what Strong Requited Feelings feels like again, that's all. pining forever doesn't sound appealing.

 

hm. just left my oven on for about 11 hours straight by accident. this is fine

 

my uni has FUCKED ME OVER!

I wanted to get into a teaching program. The way that works here is you either set out to do it from the start, get accepted, and get both teaching classes AND subject knowledge classes as part of the program, or, if you've already taken subject classes, you can slap 3 semesters of teaching classes on there and you'll be a teacher. I've taken 3 semesters of English, so I figured, ok cool let's be an English teacher, except I'm more likely to get hired if I have two subjects, so I want one more - let's do 2 semesters of maths. 3 semesters main subject, 2 semesters secondary subject. That should work!

To be absolutely sure that that would work, one year ago I contacted the people in charge of the program to ask what specifically the classes needed to have covered, and she told me the maths could be anything as long as it's at the mathematical institution + includes Calculus I & Linear Algebra I. I was like cool I'll take those this year, while I'm doing maths stuff. The English she told me needed to have covered certain things - linguistics, literature, grammar, history/english-speaking culture stuff. I was like I'm not sure about that last one actually, how do I know if my classes count for that? She told me to ask the English institution. I did. They told me I've gotten that through the literature classes, and should be fine.

So I did two semesters of maths. It sucked and I mostly hated it. Some parts were great, most parts were... not great. Not a fun year!

Then I applied to the program! And GUESS WHAT!

I'm NOT UNDER CONSIDERATION
BECAUSE MY ENGLISH CLASSES HAVE NOT COVERED THE REQUIREMENTS
BECAUSE THEY NEVER DID HISTORY/CULTURE STUFF!!!

so. I'm too late to get into the program starting this summer. And the lady I'm in contact with right now tells me I have to take a whole other class to actually fulfil the requirements - and applications for that class are closed until next year.

I have been at university for far too long. I planned the remainder of my studies specifically around getting done as quickly as possible (without completely dying). And now I have been told that I need to wait until next year to apply to a class that I need to have read before re-applying to the program I actually want in on - meaning I could start the program next summer earliest, meaning I'd be done a full year after I'd planned to be - and this is after I have already delayed my graduating university like, a lot.

I am... extremely upset. This whole situation is infuriating and it is not helping that I've been trying to solve it since Monday but was not able to even get in contact with anyone who could tell me what's going on until today (meaning for several days I thought I'd fucked up my maths classes somehow, or that it was because the system hadn't registered that I did pass my 2nd try at the calculus exam), only to find out that the issue is something I have specifically tried to guard against. So upset!!!

 

I don't wanna tell my little brother to find a new roommate but if he keeps parroting conservative talking points were gonna have some problems lmao

 

Think he spent some time thinking about it last night and he told me he's decided to stop going on I funny, which is where most of that crap was coming from. He's not a bad kid, he just hasn't figured everything out yet. Luckily my big sister influence still works, he trusts me and doesn't want to disappoint me i think. He knows I don't believe in things without having proof or reasons behind it. And he has a couple trans friends on Discord, which probably helps.

We'll see how it goes, I have hope still. I think most of it is still Cis confusion. They can't understand or sympathize with folks who transition and so think they're doing it for attention or something. I think I had a brief period of that, but I'm pretty chill with any kind of expression as long as people aren't being dicks. Like witchcraft is fine but the terfy gendered witchcraft is not? That kind of thing.

 

man they really are just not going to help me at all??? This was extremely clearly their mistakes because I asked, I was super clear about why I was asking and what specifically it was needed for (I even asked if, should my previous classes not be enough, there were any other classes I could be taking to fill in the knowledge!) and she told me I was fine! They said it'd be enough! And now, a fucking year later it's all "Oh well, that's unfortunate, because standard practice in this scenario is to not count those classes as enough. This is actually the most common reason for people trying to teach English to be rejected!"

IF IT'S COMMON WHY HAVEN'T YOU FIXED IT
And if it's their mistake why aren't they helping me??? I asked if I could be conditionally admitted and take the class she adviced me to take while I'm taking the standard classes for the program and she said no even though it's a part-time class stretching out over the entire semester. They're really telling me I need to do a whole extra semester minimum just because they fucked up and gave me the incorrect information and I'm supposed to be okay with that? What the fuck???
I've emailed the institution holding the actual class I've been adviced to take to ask if I could just... exam it off. idk how to say that in english. Cram the course into this semester and just take the exam this year, so I can at least be admitted to the program this fall. If they tell me no I don't know what I'll do. This sucks so bad.

 

I am about ready to do my head in over my own actions. I should not have procrastinated as much as I have because I now might be legitimately fucked with all the work I have to do for the rest of the week/this weekend. I am not as on point as I thought I was and might have to pull shit out of thin air like a magician.

This shit is not good for my mental health.

 

I can care for my ferrets better than I can for myself. I guess I have to train myself to remember I can't care for them if I'm not in okay condition?

 

I’m feeling really negative about my ability to communicate, I keep using not quite the right word or not quite the right sentence structure and then no one seems to understand the core of what I thought was clear. I’d like to engage with people over my interests but every time I try they just seem to react to something I wasn’t trying to say.

I don’t know. Maybe I am just that incoherent. I feel like every time I try to say anything online I’m failing the Turing test.

 

I tried calling my mum about it and she just said “well of course you’re going to struggle you’ve got a communication disorder” :-) :-) :-)

 

....so. I was not permitted to cram the course. But I was adviced to look at other universities for summer classes, and the institution could verify if it'd fulfil the same criteria... and I found a distance class about Canada... and I was 83rd on the list of late applicants........ and I somehow got in! Literally cried from relief! That means I'll be eligible for the fall term of the teaching program!

LOL SIKE i just checked my application status and two days ago it said 'processing' and now it says 'ineligible' i am going to SCREAM what the FUCK is happening heeeeeere
"Hey I wanna be a teacher."
"Cool. If you take these classes you'll fulfil the requirements to study to become a teacher."
"I have now taken those classes."
"You are ineligible to become a teacher."
"..o.....kay???? That sounds entire incorrect but APPARENTLY there is LITERALLY NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. How do I become eligible?"
"You need to take this additional class. Good luck."
"Hi. I am now registered to the class you told me to take and it will be completed before the fall semester starts."
"Okay. You are ineligible to become a teacher."

WHAT DO THEY WANT ME TO DO..........

 

answer my email. answer my email. answer my email. answer my email. answer me