Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

i HATE televised music-based talent shows. not only do they tap into all my insecurities and old jealousies, but it makes me so angry when pre-teens and teenagers with oodles of talent get swept into a world that is almost certainly going to wreck. them. no consideration for helping the voice grow maturely. no consideration for the misery of celebrity life.

and, most personally, and most selfishly, it's not fair. not only myself, but 99.9% of my colleagues never got a chance like that and never will. and this little kid suddenly gets all eyes on them? it feels so unfair that those of us who sink thousands of dollars and thousands of hours into training for our chosen career, even if we have talent coming out of our ears, get nothing but fear, insecurity, debt, and crippling existential crises.

FUCK the talent show system. just FUCK it.

 

I feel like I've been dicking around for the past three years trying to figure out what to do with my life and just continuing on the same track because I'm scared of failure.

Once I graduate I'll have no structure and that's a terribly liberating thought but I'm also scared of not being able to cope with it.

Also my parents are being ignorant and alarmist about psychiatric medicine.

 

i have stuff i want to complain/bitch about but the people i want to talk to either won't get it, won't care, or both. plus i'll look like a giant asshole if i complain about it. so. silence for me then.

 

i'm fuckin GRUMPLED AND RUSTLED at The Discourse again and I'm once more mad at myself for letting a bunch of dumbasses on the internet get to me so WHATEVER

THIS IS FINE

NO TWO PEOPLE ARE NOT ON FIRE

 

The fucking cube-steak venison. The saga of the venison. I should not be this fuckign endlessly thwarted and upset by two pounds of irrationally packaged meat but I am and that makes it even more infuriating, in the burst-into-tears-while-cooking kind of way. Fuck.

At least it will be gone after dinner tonight. One more trace of Her getting wiped out. Whatever.

 

AAAAHHHHHH PEOPLE HAVE SUCH AN ASTOUNDING CAPACITY TO BE FUCKING DUMB AND I MUST YELL

 

Enough with the fucking gunshots already. Really. Please stop. I am so tired of hearing them all the time.

 

God forbid I suggest some of your problems might be your own fault. You're entirely blameless! There's absolutely nothing you could do about any of this, I'm sure.

 

-

 

>gets along with someone
>knows they develop crushes easily
>my brain: u could probably fuck them if u made a move
>me: ??
>my brain: u should think about what it would be like to fuck them. it would be so easy.
>me: please stop this

thanks, brain, that makes me feel like a great friend with no ulterior motives!! >:/

(ftr I do not plan on trying to go through with this at all, it would be a bad idea for lots of reasons and basically no positive outcomes)

 

i fucked up and avoidant panic mode kicked in on homework i had an extension for and now it's past the deadline prof specified, and this was the deadline negotiated with the faculty, and now i have probably failed the class

i hate this and i wish i knew how ot fix it

 

I feel like a bad dog and I don't know why or how to make it stop. my heart is doing that hollow achey thing it does when i feel like I've fucked up bad and will never unfuck it, but I haven't done anything and I don't know why I expect to be yelled at.

 

I am going to SCREAM the person who's harping on this 'homestuck porn is child porn' shit the most is the one who ships bro/john and used to constantly draw smut of eridan and john fucking while also requesting I do it and they are actually in their thirties and have no fucking excuse

and i know exactlyw hat this is it's because someone they hate (one of my friends) blew up on them five years ago and they cant let that shit go even tho they were actively denying the abuse that my s/o went through and sided with the abuser all the way up until that abuser turned their tactics on them, so since the person they hate is on roach's side they have to make shit up about her and act like they've never wanted to fuck eridan ever

and i s2g if this shit actaully starts becoming a thing and i ever get targeted im fucking ddragging them down to hell with me

pepperidge farm fucking remembers

 

I'm sick of feeling shitty... all the time

I'm sick of my life being one bad thing after another

Let me rest

 

SO. Let me tell you about a dude I will name Block. Block is nearly 24, so he's about 3 years older than me. He is perfect evidence that age has fuckall to do with maturity. He has no filter and doesn't seem to give a fuck about how he makes other people feel. He's energetic and a nice person mostly, but he says shit that's so fucking bizarre that you are just confused. But amongst that is some offensive shit that he doesn't seem to think is offensive.

He just. GAH. He doesn't care if he's bothering other people. He'll sing loudly in public and when we go, "Dude, maybe shh, people are staring at us," he'll go, "Oops, sorry!" and then FIVE SECONDS LATER he's doing it again.

And he complains about not being able to go out because he doesn't have money to spend 1,500yen on lunch, because he's spent over 10,000yen on Amazon and now can't afford his monthly rent. And he acts like it's everyone else's fault for going out without him.

AND HE DOESN'T LISTEN WHEN YOU TALK. AND WHEN HE COMES BACK LATER AND REALISES HE DISAGREED WITH YOUR PLANS OR WHATEVER, GUESS WHOSE FAULT IT IS? NOT HIS!

He lives in the apartment above mine, and his bedroom is directly above mine, and I am considering trying to jump kick the ceiling to see if I can make him fall over, because he is just INFURIATING ME RIGHT NOW.

And I feel like, I'm autistic and have ADHD I can't be mad at someone for being bad at listening or bad at managing money but I just *screams* he is a toddler!!!!!!!!!! How is he older than me!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS.

 

fucking tumblr

the anti bs is reminding me of why i pretty much stopped doing art for a long time

and...

so i wanna do something to totally prove that i am hot, but that sounds like the type of shit that would be likely to go wrong in some way or another, like something that people might be able to use against me later.

 

usually i'm pretty happy with my roommates but this weekend i've been stressed with midterms coming up & one of them brought a guest over & only decided to inform me about an hour before the guest showed up! yay! this is the 3rd time it's happened! fortunately i overheard both my roommates talking about how their friend was coming over this weekend, so i wasn't completely unprepared, but still.
now, they've been loud all weekend while i've been trying to study & i don't even know if i'm allowed to be angry about this? like, my other roommate has an exam this week too, & she doesn't seem bothered at all. i'm dumb & 100% overreacting probably.
anyway i am now writing this from the park because all university facilities are closed, because it was leave or yell at people to shut the fuck up & i really don't like the vicious way i've been thinking recently.

 

Spoiler: age difference talk

I'm 19, and one of my partners is 37. I know this creeps some people out, and that's fine, whatever, but I love them very much and we've talked a lot about our differences in life experience and how to make this work, and I initiated the relationship. I just feel awful that I'll never be able to talk about them on tumblr for fear that someone will claim one of us is abusing the other. I've been in unhealthy relationships, I've been the person on either side of an unequal power dynamic. this is not that. I wish I could stop being scared.

 

ENTROPY. Just. Damn you.

 

Spoiler: suicidal thoughts of the detailed variety, also self-harm I guess? fuck.

fucked up, hate myself, vented to my partner and I shouldn't have, kinda want to die, would actually definitely for sure want to die if it weren't for the fact that it would hurt other people, didn't change the fact that my first thought upon seeing a belt on my floor was "oh hey, I could potentially kill myself with this". also hit myself a few times and I'm kinda mad at myself for not hitting harder and more times than I did. also I have three finals tomorrow. fuck.