Spoiler: sexuality nay of the day fav artist: "I wish I could post more saucy lesbian art but the idea of a man getting off to my porn of gay women makes me want to die" "[...] maybe someday they’ll make a social media platform for only women and lgbt folk and then I’ll post all my f/f smut" me who has been considering calling myself bi and not gay but maybe not: bisexuality? difficult. women? scary and also difficult. better stay in gay comfort zone >w>"""
When somebody leaves a comment on a fic that includes "this was clunky to start with but it's better now", my brain fixates on "this was clunky" and nothing else penetrates no matter how nice it is. Any other words are like white noise. I recognize this is a me problem and I kinda wish my brain was less of a dick about it.
How low must my self-esteem be that I just realised my mental image of my self-insert character always had the facial structure of my sister instead of me? :(
I accidentally put some ink spots on the hotel sheets and its 235 AM and it makes me super anxious to tell my parents tomorrow morning I did this and its my fault but god god god why
is there a good way to tell the difference between intrusive thoughts and things you actually want to do?
@Birdy I don't know exactly, but intrusive thoughts are generally things you specifically hate the idea of doing. Even if it is something you DO want to do, I'd say it's an intrusive thought if you rationally think "no, I shouldn't do that for X reason" and you still get your brain going "you must do the thing, do it, do it, do it". Any thought can be intrusive if it's absorbing all other thoughts and hurting you.
I'm getting really sick of living in this house with these people. My family has their heads stuck so far up their scrotus supporting backsides they can't see the light of day anymore. They started talking about the wall on the news and I mentioned that even those on his side were against the idea and that it wouldn't do any good. They bit my head off for it! Particularly my 18 year old sister. I'm just really hoping it's just a hormone thing because she's a smart person and I'd hate to see her go down that path. Right now I'm just so thankful I discovered the internet. If I hadn't there was a real possibility I could have ended up just like them and that scares the crud out of me. I swear I end up walking on eggshells around here and I hate it!
Welding instructor wants me to help him teach some high school kids who are coming in to the shop on Thursday. On the one hand I recognize and appreciate the compliment, but on the other hand, Fear
Blehhhh, I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to make timely posts about steven universe meta. It's been up for five minutes and I've already gotten my first condescending response :P and they're condescending about using many words to support my talking point AND oversimplifying the plot point in question i know i don't want to fite BUT--
I found a word which describes my sometimes wish that I had been abused worse than I was so I'd feel I had more right to be affected. It is lachesism: "longing for the clarity of disaster".
Okay this has been buzzing around in my head since it happened at work yesterday so I'm going to vent about it here. What is it about women having short hair that just messes with some people and brings the inner bigot to the surface? So the incident in question. I had just started my shift as a cashier and my boss and co-worker were standing behind me talking. An absolutely adorable lesbian couple came up to the register with a bag of chips. One waited by the door and looked like your stereotypical cheerleader. The problem was the one that was paying. The one that paid had that buzzed on the sides longer on the top haircut that honestly looked really cute on them. No problems with either one they paid and left What happened afterwards was the problem. Once they left this conversation happened behind me and made me question the sanity of the people I work with and feel bad for the looks that person must have been getting without me realizing it. Manager: That was a girl right? It had boobs so it had to be a girl right Co-worker: I think it was Manager: She had boobs so she must have been. Co-worker: Who knows they've made so many genders now a days there's no telling what to call people anymore. What's so hard about just using they if you aren't sure or just minding your own buisness. It doesn't matter if they were just a girl with short hair, non-binary, or even a transperson they weren't harming you or making a scene so there's no reason to say stuff like that the moment someone leaves.
Spoiler: screm angery eta: im procrastinating at work, i hate this assignment and ive been doing tiny bits of it for like. Almost 5 hours. Boss says this should take an hour tops. aggressively avoids work like that'll make it go away Also i'm scared to admit the extent of the problems i'm having in case my boss just goes "oh ok this employee is unteachable and awful, ok bye" which idk probably unlikely but who knows
trying to stave off self-deprecating thoughts and problem solve but feeling like shit and have no one to really go to about it hooray i know im a hypocrite, i tell people theyre not a burden for wanting to go to their friends when theyre upset but then i think about myself as a burden when im upset Double layer of feeling guilty for being upset because the problem im trying to solve is that i upset someone else
That is a pretty common way to feel. Suggestion: Go ahead and be a little bit of a burden sometimes. People like feeling like they could do something to help.
So nice of the driving course to ignore plowing at all today, in blizzard conditions. Even nicer of them to fail me for being in the wrong lane. You know, the one buried under 8 inches of snow?
I've spent multiple weeks on that weird edge of needing to cry, but because I have no real reason to cry the crying hasn't happened. I'd feel much better if it did. Maybe time to go read Drop-Out again and get it to happen.