Vent Walk-in freezer (general-purpose vent thread)

Spoiler: dysphoria

man i was having an otherwise cute interaction with a little girl this morning up until the moment she poked my chest and, upon answering her that they were my boobs, she was like "but i've never seen them this big before!"

yes, you little gremlin child... i know

 

Fuck.

I forgot excitement can give me panic attack.

 

TFW you're a member of a “successful” and widely-reviled model minority, and you cope with the cognitive dissonance by way of a raging scrupulosity explosion of self-hatred and virulent racism against your own demographic.

:(

 

Just need a quick relationship vent. Three person poly relationship. BF has issues with getting sick a lot and spends a lot of days sleeping until afternoon, getting up to play around for a few hours then passing out again. GF has started saying that he doesn't care about her as much as me because I talk/rp with her more than he does. He is pissed at her for being to demanding while she just wants him to talk to her more. I will agree he did talk to her more before I moved in but I think that was in part because she was online at the same time I was so we were all in a call together. I don't know what to do. GF is in a very bad place mentally and I'm really worried about what she will do if he says something and she takes it the wrong way. He's said before he still cares about her but she just can't seem to believe it for some reason. I'm sure a good portion of that is untreated depression but I'm worried she's going to hurt herself.

 

Cop came to my door doing a survey about whether there's any antisocial behaviour in the area and I saw her doing the same with other neighbours so I know I wasn't singled out but I'm still afraid of police and terrified they'll arrest me over freaky fanfic even though written stuff isn't legally censored here. I KNOW no one would pull an elaborate sting operation over fanfic. I KNOW. But anxiety's screwy that way.

 

im going ape shit bananas cause my major subjects arent out yet, like how can I schedule extra subjects if I dont know what major subjects are available (also all classes are given on a raffle basis so no guarantees i ever get the exact schedule i want) (and 1st run of sign up period is almost over)

I signed up for comicbook writing, which is an extra subject, so hgrgh hopefully circumstances fall in my favor that
1) None of the majors will conflict with this subject
2) I actually get the subject


I just! Wanna comicss! learn write!

 

I cut off all my hair because I am physically incapable of not doing that anymore.

When it's fixed, I'll post pics, but for now I'm just "oof I fucking did that again huh"

 

I'm now older than my mother was when she had me and I have accomplished exactly nothing :(

 

The only handicap stall in the men’s room has been out of order for the 2 weeks I’ve worked here and that seems Wrong(TM)

 

Me: happy stims rubbing partners skin while they rest, about to fall asleep
Them: is sick and wants less touches
Me: they never loved me they hate me I'm bad I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry :(

 

Spoiler: injury with blurd

just sliced a lil chunk off the tip of my pinky while making salad lmao

a little piece the size of a small cucumber seed. a dermis sliver

i have now completed and consumed the salad and my finger's fine but boy did it like to bleed! this might be the most ive ever bled from an injury actually. i do not live an exciting life

when i first got a good look at it there was a pale bit in the middle surrounded by blood. it was just the separated skin chunk which no longer had any blood in it but for a split second i thought it was bone and i got a little lightheaded. thats never happened to me before!

 

Does ur brain ever just
Throw random words spaghetti and "HAHA LOOK AM.MAKE JOKE"
like no brain that isn't a joke it's just some words
"HAHA BUT FUNNY JOEK"
buddy no this isn't joke it's just words and letters?
"HA. :) HA. :) AM. :) JOKES"

 

Vague distress over that article about TV having a porn problem
Like I haven't read it because it might just set off anxiety but idk how to like
Make sense of it

Saw a post talking about "disgusting people working on cartoons also drawing porn of the cartoons" and im like idk is this like a fight?

Safe search is difficult and there's lots of things on the net not for kids but isn't that the parents job to moderate internet usage? Shouldn't the promotion of properly labelling things help in avoiding nsfw stuff?

Idk I guess I see people sharing the article and making posts about it and it makes me feel very uneasy

 

I'm bad

I'm bad I'm awful I'm intrinsically bad

Just

Panic. And bad.

 

Summer flu. Mom drama.

 

Spoiler: petty fandom shit, don't look at me

Some chucklefuck runs the BSD wikia and is so... like aside from being really bad at it, so many articles are just? biased as fuck? every villain's article is just wanking about how badwrong they are, mori's is just every 5 sentences "DID I MENTION HE'S A PEDOPHILE AND IF YOU LIKE HIM YOU'RE ALSO A PEDOPHILE?" it's just... so bad.

and every other possible url seems to be taken so me and my friends can't even make a new one. we're gonna keep searching for urls and trying but ugh oh my god. how hard is it to be not a raging little shitlord over fictional characters.

 

I don't know how to create things anymore

I've been very patient, I think. I've been pretty kind to myself, I think. but it been nearly two years, and I'm just stuck and I don't know what to do. I can't get joy from it, I can't get inspired. things are better in so many other ways, but it's like I'm just dead in this area, and I don't know what to do with that. I pretty regularly set something up for myself that's, like, creating-adjacent? like trying to get myself in that place. and then nothing happens. or if it does, it feels incredibly empty.

like I still feel like it's going to get better because it doesn't make sense for it not to? but I don't understand why it's taking so long.

 

Man I really can't with the cartoon porn problem article

 

Spoiler: scary customer service experience, referencing the shootings, nothing happened it was just scary

yesterday a guy argued and yelled at me for telling him we don't have appointments available until tuesday. he leaned over my desk a couple times and kept demanding to speak to one of the doctors who were currently busy with patients. when I repeatedly told him that he would be better off going to urgent care if he's experiencing an emergency, he lifted his shirt to bare his chest to me and said something about bullets, and I wasn't able to put together what exactly he'd said until I was recounting it later with a coworker. (something about how even when he'd been shot, he didn't go to a hospital I guess??)

my other coworker got the store manager to speak to him, who ended up asking us to see him anyways. no one saw the shirt thing except me, and when I explained later what happened they were appalled and definitely wouldn't have tried to squeeze him in if they'd known.

anyway then I went home and found out there was a second shooting and there's been another one today and it's just? a lot

 

also I shouldn't go into much detail, but this is obviously not the type of place that is even generally equipped for emergencies in the area we treat. we treat simple medical stuff and refer out for everything else, medical treatment isn't the main thing we do. it would be kind of like going into a walmart hearing aid department on a busy saturday and demanding immediate burst ear drum treatment.

so like, I really wasn't being flippant, telling someone to go somewhere else is often the most conscientious thing to do