Vent Will this be my definitive vent thread? Find out next time, on "Eric Whines About Nothing"!

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by evilas, Sep 4, 2016.

  1. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    I feel grumpy today, for no apparent reason other than I'm tired. I feel like I want to be a jerk to people and just am overall in a crappy mood. I almost wrote a post complaining about the fact that I can't just press a button and get Burger King delivered without first going through the hassle of going down to get the stupid thing because apparently BK is one of several restaurants with a "no going up to apartments" policy because there's been too many cases of people stealing the delivery guy's bike.

    Jesus Christ.

    I'm just so tired and I'm hungry and I want to not have any responsibilities for a while. And I can't even do that on holidays! Because to my mom, my idea of "no responsibilities", which is "staying inside on the computer for a week straight and eating and sleeping" isn't okay. Which, I get it, of course it's not, but that's what I want!

    And I have homework due Thursday and I'm just so. Done. With everything.

    My dad tried explaining to me for the 327th time that no, Eric, having all the benefits of an adult life and none of the responsibilities isn't how life works, and that I can't just have a semester where I just randomly decide to drop a third of my classes just to have more time on the computer. Especially because I'm currently dedicating no time to studying and only the minimum required amount of time to only do the required homework.
    AND I KNOW THAT BUT STILL!

    ...it would be nice...
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2016
  2. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Protip: When you're choosing a week to stay home alone, don't choose the same week as a rather large piece of homework is due, AND the same week as you have an exam
     
  3. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Welp.
    It's happened.
    It's finally reached a point where my response to my mom saying "Could you please come do a thing?" is "NO FUCK YOU I WANT TO PUNCH ONE OF US AND I DON'T KNOW WHO"

    why
    Just... why.

    I hate everything about this.

    I want to do nothing ever.

    I hate everything.
     
  4. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Okay posting this for future reference
    [10/15/2016 3:10:45 PM] Eric Vilas: Hey, uh, I just... told my mom that I didn't trust her judgment enough to show her Kintsugi.
    [10/15/2016 3:11:04 PM] R: how are you feeling dude?
    [10/15/2016 3:11:14 PM] Eric Vilas: not good
    [10/15/2016 3:12:21 PM] *** Tollbooth hugs everyone ***
    [10/15/2016 3:12:27 PM] *** Eric Vilas hugs Tollbooth***
    [10/15/2016 3:12:47 PM] Eric Vilas: We had a long talk about depression and I just
    [10/15/2016 3:13:13 PM] Eric Vilas: She has very different ideas from what you guys have
    [10/15/2016 3:13:51 PM] Eric Vilas: Like, she said that in her experience antidepressants never helped with motivation
    [10/15/2016 3:15:11 PM] Cara: oof Eric yeah my mom is similar
    [10/15/2016 3:15:18 PM] Eric Vilas: She said that motivation has to be forced, that's the only way. That in her experience antidepressants had crappy side effects that meant that it was always better to try to quit them as soon as you could. That she knows about this stuff, she's lived through a ton.

    I'm just

    I dunno, just..
    [10/15/2016 3:16:03 PM] Cara: "in her experience" a sample size of one is pretty damn useless
    [10/15/2016 3:16:35 PM] Eric Vilas: She's seen a ton of psychologists and psychiatrists and neurologists
    [10/15/2016 3:16:57 PM] Cara: I think you mom needs to understand that you are not her
    [10/15/2016 3:17:17 PM] Cara: (my mom has the same issue of not understanding Your Brain Is Not My Brain)
    [10/15/2016 3:17:26 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 3:17:28 PM] Eric Vilas: Like
    [10/15/2016 3:18:12 PM] Eric Vilas: yeah
    [10/15/2016 3:18:22 PM] Eric Vilas: I mean, she...
    [10/15/2016 3:18:23 PM] *** Cara hugs Eric ***
    [10/15/2016 3:18:25 PM] Eric Vilas: I dunno
    [10/15/2016 3:18:29 PM] *** Eric Vilas hugs tight ***
    [10/15/2016 3:18:34 PM] Eric Vilas: I'm just
    [10/15/2016 3:18:44 PM] R: unsure?
    [10/15/2016 3:18:49 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 3:19:26 PM] Eric Vilas: I trust you guys more than anyone. More than my parents, more than my brother, more than my therapist
    [10/15/2016 3:19:45 PM] R: but she's still your mom so you feel obliged, im guessing
    [10/15/2016 3:19:56 PM] Eric Vilas: She's been through so much
    [10/15/2016 3:19:57 PM] R: she is Older and Wiser and Personal Closeness
    [10/15/2016 3:20:03 PM] R: //nodnod
    [10/15/2016 3:20:13 PM] Eric Vilas: She's been through this shit
    [10/15/2016 3:20:20 PM] Eric Vilas: supposedly
    [10/15/2016 3:20:35 PM | Edited 3:20:38 PM] Cara: her shit is different from your shit
    [10/15/2016 3:20:36 PM] Josie (Blackhole): To be fair, so have a lot of people on Kintsugi. And in certain matters I'd be more inclined to trust people like Seebs than I would medical professionals in some instances
    [10/15/2016 3:20:42 PM] R: it's good you're not devaluing her situation, but she needs to.. at least try to understand that her responses will not guarantee yours
    [10/15/2016 3:20:57 PM] Eric Vilas: She just doesn't get why
    [10/15/2016 3:20:58 PM] Josie (Blackhole): I also trust Kintsugi p. much more than anyone else/any other groups
    [10/15/2016 3:21:12 PM] Cara: and people who Supposedly have Knowledge about stuff aren't always right
    [10/15/2016 3:21:33 PM] R: like: mother of child B enjoys seafood. child B dislikes seafood. the mother's experiences cannot predict with 100% accuracy how her child's will be-- or anyone to anyone's
    [10/15/2016 3:21:42 PM] R: just because I like cats doesn't mean a close friend of mine will.
    [10/15/2016 3:21:48 PM] Cara: (example: student counseling, being told my depression and stuff is just due to being in a "transitional period in life")
    [10/15/2016 3:22:02 PM] R: it's really simple and she sees it every day-- I imagine she could accept it readily, just doesn't want to / hasn't been explained to her
    [10/15/2016 3:22:11 PM] Eric Vilas: Like, I told her "I know X behavior is wrong and want to change it"
    and she asked "Then why are you not taking steps to change it?"
    [10/15/2016 3:22:30 PM] Eric Vilas: I don't know!
    [10/15/2016 3:22:53 PM] Eric Vilas: I don't want to!
    [10/15/2016 3:22:58 PM] *** Tollbooth hugs tight ***
    [10/15/2016 3:23:06 PM] *** Eric Vilas hugs tight ***
    [10/15/2016 3:23:13 PM] Eric Vilas: I'm just
    [10/15/2016 3:23:22 PM] R: it sucks
    [10/15/2016 3:23:27 PM] R: your situation sucks.
    [10/15/2016 3:23:48 PM] Eric Vilas: It does?
    [10/15/2016 3:23:51 PM] Cara: [Saturday, October 15, 2016 3:22 PM] Eric Vilas:

    <<< Like, I told her "I know X behavior is wrong and want to change it"
    and she asked "Then why are you not taking steps to change it?"#relatable
    [10/15/2016 3:23:52 PM] Eric Vilas: I mean
    [10/15/2016 3:24:01 PM] R: it does
    [10/15/2016 3:24:02 PM] *** Eric Vilas hugs Cara ***
    [10/15/2016 3:24:44 PM] R: I mean, okay. no one ( besides in legal terms ) is obliged to help you. but she isn't doing you any favors by... undermining ways you can get help, and then going "why are you still struggling?"
    [10/15/2016 3:24:59 PM] Eric Vilas: I don't...
    I don't know
    [10/15/2016 3:25:06 PM] Eric Vilas: She's trying to help me
    [10/15/2016 3:25:10 PM] R: she's being a shit. if she doesn't want to help, she doesn't get to criticize you for "not being better"
    [10/15/2016 3:25:14 PM] Eric Vilas: She genuinely does want to help me
    [10/15/2016 3:25:18 PM] R: re: antidepresentants
    [10/15/2016 3:25:27 PM] R: well, her way of helping isn't... the way that would help you
    [10/15/2016 3:25:55 PM] R: if she truly wants to help, she should recognize that maybe forcing motivation wont do anything and look for other ways
    [10/15/2016 3:26:43 PM] R: it's kind of the textbook definition of insanity, if im being honest. doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.
    [10/15/2016 3:26:43 PM] Eric Vilas: She says "you never tried forced motivation. I hated it, I forced myself to do stuff, and now I'm better. You need to do that."
    [10/15/2016 3:26:59 PM] R: yeah it's
    [10/15/2016 3:27:00 PM] R: the insanity thing
    [10/15/2016 3:27:20 PM] R: not. "YOUR MOTHER IS CRAZY CRAZY" but the actual definition of insanity.
    [10/15/2016 3:27:44 PM] Eric Vilas: (I don't think that's the actual definition)
    [10/15/2016 3:27:51 PM] R: im assuming you were the one who was interested in antidepressants and all
    [10/15/2016 3:27:52 PM] R: hang on
    [10/15/2016 3:27:54 PM] Eric Vilas: (It's just a common saying)
    [10/15/2016 3:28:04 PM] R: ( shit )
    [10/15/2016 3:28:11 PM] R: ( WOW THAT OLD THERAPIST WAS REALLY BAD THEN )
    [10/15/2016 3:28:16 PM] R: ( SHE TOLD ME THAT'S WHAT INSANITY MEANT )
    [10/15/2016 3:28:20 PM] Eric Vilas: She's the one who put me in antidepressants in the first place
    [10/15/2016 3:28:21 PM] R: ( ...WOW. anyway continue. )
    [10/15/2016 3:28:32 PM] Eric Vilas: For anxiety
    [10/15/2016 3:28:40 PM] R: did you express interest in continuing the treatment?
    [10/15/2016 3:28:49 PM] Eric Vilas: She really helped me with my anxiety
    [10/15/2016 3:29:03 PM] Eric Vilas: I know that, and she knows that
    [10/15/2016 3:29:49 PM] Eric Vilas: She's not entirely convinced I have depression
    [10/15/2016 3:30:09 PM] R: are you diagnosed?
    [10/15/2016 3:30:16 PM] Eric Vilas: Sooorta?
    [10/15/2016 3:30:32 PM] R: how so??
    [10/15/2016 3:31:06 PM] Eric Vilas: My psychologist said "yeah, according to this test you have depression, but I think it's more because you're in a transitional period in life"
    [10/15/2016 3:31:37 PM] Eric Vilas: Which... might be the case?
    [10/15/2016 3:31:41 PM] Eric Vilas: I'm not sure
    [10/15/2016 3:31:50 PM] R: psych not equal your therapist? orrr
    [10/15/2016 3:31:55 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 3:31:55 PM] R: bc im still mixed up on that stuff
    [10/15/2016 3:32:01 PM] Eric Vilas: I use them interchangeably
    [10/15/2016 3:32:34 PM] Eric Vilas: I do have a psychiatrist separate from her who is the one who prescribes the antidepressants
    [10/15/2016 3:32:38 PM] R: not gonna lie, that's difficult
    [10/15/2016 3:32:43 PM] R: because my suggestion was
    [10/15/2016 3:32:48 PM] Cara: [Saturday, October 15, 2016 3:31 PM] Eric Vilas:

    <<< My psychologist said "yeah, according to this test you have depression, but I think it's more because you're in a transitional period in life"//high five for "transitional period in life"
    [10/15/2016 3:32:53 PM] Cara: (it's a sad high five)
    [10/15/2016 3:33:00 PM] R: 'try to get your therapist to print you out a slip of paper with a Depression Disorder' and be like 'see?'
    [10/15/2016 3:33:02 PM] Eric Vilas: //depression five
    [10/15/2016 3:33:15 PM] R: do the antidepressants help?
    [10/15/2016 3:33:24 PM] Eric Vilas: I... think so?
    [10/15/2016 3:34:13 PM] Eric Vilas: I've been taking them for so long I can't really remember how I felt before?
    Like, almost 5 years maybe?
    [10/15/2016 3:34:26 PM] R: I. hnnn.
    [10/15/2016 3:34:38 PM] Eric Vilas: I've been seeing this psychologist for 10 years
    [10/15/2016 3:34:51 PM] R: suggest to therapist / psychiatrist and go 'look, I still don't feel good, could we do smth new?'
    [10/15/2016 3:34:59 PM] R: 'smth new' might be upping the dosage or switching
    [10/15/2016 3:35:10 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah, we... were planning on maybe doing that at some point
    [10/15/2016 3:35:10 PM] R: I actually have no idea if it's possible to build an immunity to certain medicines
    [10/15/2016 3:35:14 PM] R: so that might be the cause
    [10/15/2016 3:35:16 PM] Eric Vilas: (It is)
    [10/15/2016 3:35:19 PM] R: but your mother disagreed, im guessing
    [10/15/2016 3:35:32 PM] Eric Vilas: No, she just wondered why I hadn't called
    [10/15/2016 3:35:48 PM] Eric Vilas: *called the psychiatrist
    [10/15/2016 3:35:56 PM] R: I would say try to up / switch medicines, then.
    [10/15/2016 3:36:06 PM] R: your mother is not acting the way she should be
    [10/15/2016 3:36:11 PM] R: and she needs to open up her mind a little
    [10/15/2016 3:36:30 PM] R: but what comes first is your mental health, and well. it's up for you to decide to switch / up first, or confront your mother
    [10/15/2016 3:36:52 PM] R: if you don't trust her, that's not your responsibility to fix
    [10/15/2016 3:37:14 PM] Eric Vilas: She genuinely asked me "I don't understand. Why haven't you written a note to remind yourself to call your psychiatrist?"
    [10/15/2016 3:37:45 PM] Eric Vilas: And I... I just literally don't know
    [10/15/2016 3:37:54 PM] Eric Vilas: I don't know why I didn't do that
    [10/15/2016 3:38:03 PM] R: that's alright
    [10/15/2016 3:38:03 PM] Eric Vilas: Now I did
    [10/15/2016 3:38:08 PM | Edited 3:38:16 PM] R: oh, called your psych?
    [10/15/2016 3:38:15 PM] Eric Vilas: No, wrote a note
    [10/15/2016 3:38:19 PM] R: //nodnod
    [10/15/2016 3:38:33 PM] R: I hope everything works out, and soon
    [10/15/2016 3:38:38 PM] *** Eric Vilas hugs ***
    [10/15/2016 3:38:47 PM] *** R hughug ***
    [10/15/2016 3:38:50 PM] Eric Vilas: She really does want to help
    [10/15/2016 3:38:55 PM] R: mhm
    [10/15/2016 3:39:07 PM] R: just her way of helping isn't help, you know?
    [10/15/2016 3:39:11 PM] R: good intentions and all that

    Long story short: Mom has had depression all her life and seen tons of doctors so she has a ton of experience. But the thing is, she thinks she knows exactly how to help me, and that is using her "Force Self To Do Shit" method that worked for her.

    "If you don't like having depression, why aren't you taking steps to fight it?"
    GEE I DON'T KNOW, MOM, YOU'RE THE EXPERT SUPPOSEDLY
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
  5. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Also posting this one
    [10/15/2016 5:52:16 PM] Eric Vilas: fuck me
    [10/15/2016 5:52:22 PM] Eric Vilas: I
    [10/15/2016 5:52:33 PM] Eric Vilas: I don't want to talk to my mom again
    [10/15/2016 5:52:49 PM] Eric Vilas: I thought she'd try to be understanding
    [10/15/2016 5:52:55 PM] Eric Vilas: I tried
    [10/15/2016 6:39:39 PM] Eric Vilas: fuck
    [10/15/2016 6:40:25 PM] Eric Vilas: Apparently I'm an ungrateful son who's kind to literally everyone except her
    [10/15/2016 6:40:34 PM] Eric Vilas: I...
    [10/15/2016 6:40:43 PM] *** Tollbooth hugs very tight ***
    [10/15/2016 6:40:47 PM] *** Eric Vilas hugs ***
    [10/15/2016 6:40:49 PM] Tollbooth: she's wrong
    [10/15/2016 6:41:02 PM] Tollbooth: i mean, i haven't seen your interactions with her
    [10/15/2016 6:41:15 PM] Eric Vilas: I'm
    [10/15/2016 6:41:24 PM] Tollbooth: but from what you've said you love and respect her and try your best
    [10/15/2016 6:41:24 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Dude what the fuck that's such a shitty thing to say to ur kid
    [10/15/2016 6:41:34 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Wtf Eric's mom
    [10/15/2016 6:41:39 PM] Tollbooth: and i'm really fucking pissed off at her now
    [10/15/2016 6:41:41 PM] Eric Vilas: I said something really shitty to her before that
    [10/15/2016 6:42:02 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Oh well then it's all ok then
    [10/15/2016 6:42:08 PM] Tollbooth: one shitty sentence does not an ungrateful child make
    [10/15/2016 6:42:09 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: PSYCH it's still fucked yo
    [10/15/2016 6:42:15 PM] Eric Vilas: ,....
    [10/15/2016 6:42:38 PM] Eric Vilas: I told her that her coming to my room and telling me to do stuff stressed me out
    [10/15/2016 6:42:45 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 6:42:49 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: That's reasonable
    [10/15/2016 6:42:56 PM] Eric Vilas: Apparently not
    [10/15/2016 6:42:58 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: that's not shitty, dude
    [10/15/2016 6:43:00 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Uh
    [10/15/2016 6:43:17 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: The fact that she doesn't think it's reasonable is a big ol bad sign
    [10/15/2016 6:43:34 PM | Edited 6:44:01 PM] Eric Vilas: Because she worked her ass off for the past 22 years trying to give me everything I needed
    [10/15/2016 6:43:45 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: That's? Irrelevant?
    [10/15/2016 6:43:46 PM] Eric Vilas: well
    [10/15/2016 6:44:08 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: No no that's irrelevant to the request that she not walk into your space and give orders
    [10/15/2016 6:44:09 PM] Eric Vilas: (sorry, misspoke)
    [10/15/2016 6:44:30 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: That's a guilt trip dude
    [10/15/2016 6:44:35 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: U done got guilt tripped
    [10/15/2016 6:44:36 PM] Tollbooth: she's sounding like my parents rn
    [10/15/2016 6:44:38 PM] Eric Vilas: But like
    [10/15/2016 6:44:40 PM] Tollbooth: and that's bad
    [10/15/2016 6:44:44 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: No no buts
    [10/15/2016 6:44:48 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: That's a guilt trip
    [10/15/2016 6:44:51 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: oh boy the "hold everything you did for your child over their head so they can never have any objections to your behavior"
    [10/15/2016 6:45:02 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah, what they said ^^^^
    [10/15/2016 6:45:08 PM] Eric Vilas: Like
    [10/15/2016 6:45:10 PM] Eric Vilas: Idk
    [10/15/2016 6:45:43 PM] Eric Vilas: I don't even know how to start explaining how this whole conversation went down
    [10/15/2016 6:45:46 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Lemme bring up senior year: even when my relationship with my mother was at its worst, she listened when I said what she was doing exacerbated the problem
    [10/15/2016 6:45:54 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: And she changed what she did
    [10/15/2016 6:46:25 PM] Eric Vilas: I'm just
    [10/15/2016 6:46:37 PM] Eric Vilas: idek anymore
    [10/15/2016 6:46:55 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Context isn't gonna change the fact that "pls don't do thing thing" being met with "LOOK AT ALL IVE DONE FOR YOU" is a guilt trip
    [10/15/2016 6:47:33 PM | Edited 6:48:15 PM] Eric Vilas: Well, according to her "the thing" is the only kind of interaction she ever has with me anymore
    [10/15/2016 6:47:46 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Thing thing??
    [10/15/2016 6:47:53 PM] Eric Vilas: you said thing thing
    [10/15/2016 6:48:04 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: *the thing
    [10/15/2016 6:48:19 PM | Edited 6:48:27 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: who invited fucking thing thing
    [10/15/2016 6:48:27 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: dammit wax
    [10/15/2016 6:48:45 PM] Tollbooth: [Saturday, October 15, 2016 6:47 PM] Eric Vilas:

    <<< Well, according to her "the thing" is the only kind of interaction she ever has with me anymorethat's....that's what my parents say all the time
    [10/15/2016 6:48:51 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: And uh. Maybe that would change. If she wasn't consistently stressing you the fuck out.
    [10/15/2016 6:49:15 PM] Eric Vilas: According to her I'm stressed out because I'm at the computer all day
    [10/15/2016 6:49:26 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: That's?? Huh??
    [10/15/2016 6:49:29 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: What????
    [10/15/2016 6:49:42 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: wow very psychology
    [10/15/2016 6:49:43 PM] Eric Vilas: I have an addiction and that exascerbates my depression and anxiety
    [10/15/2016 6:49:47 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: much advice
    [10/15/2016 6:49:48 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: wow
    [10/15/2016 6:50:03 PM] Eric Vilas: I do have an addiction
    [10/15/2016 6:50:08 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: If there's a coping mechanism that is unhealthy, the underlying problem needs to be fixed!
    [10/15/2016 6:50:20 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: ding ding ding
    [10/15/2016 6:50:42 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: I dunno if ur addicted or not, or if I am, whatever
    [10/15/2016 6:50:45 PM] Eric Vilas: According to her the coping mechanism has become the problem
    [10/15/2016 6:50:48 PM] Tollbooth: my parents also say i have an internet addiction
    [10/15/2016 6:50:50 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: also i am instantly leery of "addiction" talk because most of the popular understanding of addiction is bunk
    [10/15/2016 6:50:55 PM] Tollbooth: i dont think either of us have one
    [10/15/2016 6:50:58 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah, exactly
    [10/15/2016 6:51:00 PM] frictionlessemu: shockingly, repeated stressful interactions with someone (which they continue to initiate and refuse to change) tend to reduce the likelihood of more pleasant interactions
    [10/15/2016 6:51:10 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: also you have friends on the internet
    [10/15/2016 6:51:25 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: But like? My understanding of addiction is that ppl develop them bc they are running from something
    [10/15/2016 6:51:31 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: so you are gonna spend a lot of time there
    [10/15/2016 6:51:52 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: independent of addiction you may or may not have
    [10/15/2016 6:51:53 PM | Edited 6:51:58 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Maybe the coping mechanism is a problem, but there's a separate and larger problem creating it
    [10/15/2016 6:52:18 PM] Eric Vilas: How do you stop an addiction? According to her, by forcibly removing it and distracting the person
    [10/15/2016 6:52:39 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: U don't take a coping mechanism away without finding smth to replace it with
    [10/15/2016 6:52:42 PM] Eric Vilas: say, with work, or exercise.
    [10/15/2016 6:52:49 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah, there's the studies of rats getting consistently addicted to drug laced water if and only if they are in inadequate living conditions
    [10/15/2016 6:52:59 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah i'm p sure that's not how addiction works
    [10/15/2016 6:53:24 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: and again, the popular knowledge of addiction comes directly from temperance/prohibition moral bullshit
    [10/15/2016 6:53:39 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: with a healthy dash of classism and racism added for the War on Drugs
    [10/15/2016 6:53:43 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: don't trust it
    [10/15/2016 6:54:24 PM] Eric Vilas: She studied counseling and visited addiction centers and stuff
    [10/15/2016 6:54:35 PM] Eric Vilas: she should know about this
    [10/15/2016 6:54:44 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah, including those
    [10/15/2016 6:54:57 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: addiction centers especially, honestly
    [10/15/2016 6:55:29 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: Ur mom just exhibited some pretty standard abusive behaviors
    Like, I don't know if I made that clear
    I was trying to make that clear
    This shit she just did isn't ok
    [10/15/2016 6:55:35 PM] frictionlessemu: she sounds like she's addicted to trying to control your life
    [10/15/2016 6:55:36 PM] frictionlessemu: :P
    [10/15/2016 6:55:36 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: that too
    [10/15/2016 6:55:52 PM] Eric Vilas: with a healthy dash of classism and racism added for the War on DrugsP sure Argentina hasn't done that but
    [10/15/2016 6:56:04 PM] Fazbear French Kiss [Pepe]: I'm not calling her abusive at this point bc this is the first I've heard but this thing she did just now?? Fuck up.
    [10/15/2016 6:56:07 PM] Tollbooth: p sure everywhere is affected at least a little bit
    [10/15/2016 6:56:19 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah, but the common knowledge of addiction comes from the us doing that
    [10/15/2016 6:56:22 PM] Tollbooth: america likes to stick its fingers all over the place
    [10/15/2016 6:56:56 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: and it was the scientific consensus for a long time before studies started popping up going "ummmmmmm.... not really???"
    [10/15/2016 6:58:23 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: anyways, sorry, this is kinda a derail
    [10/15/2016 6:58:32 PM] Eric Vilas: What? Behaviorism?
    [10/15/2016 6:59:15 PM] Eric Vilas: (the B in CBT)
    [10/15/2016 6:59:30 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: even if your mom was 100% right about you having an internet addiction, that still wouldn't change the fact that she is acting in not okay ways to you
    [10/15/2016 7:00:00 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: (no the abstinence-based theory of how to treat addiction)
    [10/15/2016 7:00:13 PM] Eric Vilas: Hmmm
    [10/15/2016 7:00:18 PM] Tollbooth: iirc forcing someone to quit an addiction tends not to work well
    [10/15/2016 7:00:27 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: yeah
    [10/15/2016 7:00:36 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah she's... very much for that
    [10/15/2016 7:00:40 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: also like, most addicts recover on their own
    [10/15/2016 7:00:50 PM] Eric Vilas: She said that from now on, she's gonna take a break. Because she spent 22 years doing everything she possibly could trying to make my life the best she could and she couldn't take me acting this way
    [10/15/2016 7:01:10 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: well if she sticks to that that could actually be positive for you
    [10/15/2016 7:01:16 PM] Eric Vilas: I hope
    [10/15/2016 7:01:34 PM] Eric Vilas: I just
    [10/15/2016 7:01:44 PM] Eric Vilas: I know I won't get stuff done
    [10/15/2016 7:01:59 PM] Eric Vilas: I need help. I always have.
    [10/15/2016 7:02:33 PM] Tollbooth: eric, everyone needs help
    [10/15/2016 7:02:42 PM] Tollbooth: there's nothing wrong with needing help
    [10/15/2016 7:02:45 PM] Eric Vilas: I know
    [10/15/2016 7:03:00 PM] Eric Vilas: But my mom is out of helps to give
    [10/15/2016 7:03:29 PM] Wiwaxia foliosa: and also your mom's helps don't seem like they're actually helping right now
    [10/15/2016 7:03:36 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 7:03:51 PM] Eric Vilas: I told her that and she took it as "nothing she ever did has helped me"
    [10/15/2016 7:07:37 PM] Josie (Blackhole): You stop an addiction by finding enrichment elsewhere in life
    [10/15/2016 7:07:48 PM] Josie (Blackhole): Also, computer use is not an addiction when you have a social life online
    [10/15/2016 7:07:53 PM] Josie (Blackhole): Unless friends are also an addiction
    [10/15/2016 7:08:17 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah, though I do have an addiction in one specific aspect
    [10/15/2016 7:08:32 PM] Tollbooth: the youtube videos?
    [10/15/2016 7:08:34 PM] Eric Vilas: YouTube videos
    [10/15/2016 7:08:37 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 7:08:41 PM] *** Tollbooth nodnod ***
    [10/15/2016 7:08:51 PM] Eric Vilas: That's like, textbook addiction
    [10/15/2016 7:08:55 PM] Tollbooth: i don't know if i'd call them an addiction but i see what you're saying
    [10/15/2016 7:09:18 PM] Eric Vilas: It's not the videos themselves
    Josie (Blackhole)
    [10/15/2016 7:09:31 PM] Eric Vilas: It's the notion of having to watch everything
    [10/15/2016 7:09:33 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah
    [10/15/2016 7:09:33 PM] Josie (Blackhole): I love Kurzgesagt
    [10/15/2016 7:09:42 PM] Eric Vilas: I saw it
    [10/15/2016 7:10:36 PM] Eric Vilas: (Though... Idk, I think they took it a bit too far. Heroin is pretty physically addictive.)
    [10/15/2016 7:11:15 PM] Eric Vilas: Like, there's a few drugs that are very much physically addictive and that's different.
    [10/15/2016 7:11:33 PM] Josie (Blackhole): It's a complex system
    [10/15/2016 7:12:24 PM] Josie (Blackhole): Both models apply depending on the context, I think. There are some "chemical hooks" but the extent to which that matters varies depending on the context within the rat park/rat cage disparity
    [10/15/2016 7:12:27 PM] Josie (Blackhole): Is my understanding
    [10/15/2016 7:12:33 PM] Eric Vilas: Yeah, that makes sense
    [10/15/2016 7:12:50 PM] Eric Vilas: Anyway
    [10/15/2016 7:12:58 PM] *** Eric Vilas grouphug? ***
    [10/15/2016 7:13:02 PM] *** Josie (Blackhole) hugs ***
    [10/15/2016 7:13:49 PM] Eric Vilas: It's more of an obsession than an addiction, though
    [10/15/2016 7:15:33 PM] Eric Vilas: I should go take my dog out
    [10/15/2016 7:15:43 PM] Eric Vilas: And maybe go to my dad's house
    [10/15/2016 7:16:23 PM] Josie (Blackhole): Good luck w/ the things
    [10/15/2016 7:17:21 PM] Eric Vilas: Thanks
    [10/15/2016 7:18:26 PM] Eric Vilas: dammit, just the simple words "Eric, the dog wants to go out" are so irritating, and for no real reason.
    [10/15/2016 7:21:15 PM] frictionlessemu: well it probably is for a reason, because even though that single request may be reasonable it's in amongst lots of unreasoanble things
    [10/15/2016 7:21:30 PM] frictionlessemu: so the reaction of irritation towards any of them is p understandable
    [10/15/2016 7:25:02 PM] Eric Vilas: The problem is none of her requests are unreasonable
    [10/15/2016 7:44:59 PM] Eric Vilas: Crap, now I have a headache

    tl;dr: I told mom that it stressed me out to constantly be on watch for when she'd come into my room and ask me to do stuff. She took it very badly. She said I was a mean ungrateful kid. That I was nice to everyone else but not to her. That I didn't appreciate anything she did for me because clearly she was just a bother.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
  6. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    I want to.. play.
    I want to have fun, with friends.

    I used to be able to.
    I feel like I'm never gonna experience that again. That I'm never gonna truly be happy again.
     
  7. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    I wanted to organize my files on Google and I realized there's a ton of books I just... haven't read.
    I haven’t had time to.
    I...
    I feel so freaking guilty.

    I want to be able to do stuff.

    Finish those 27 and a half unfinished games.
    Watch those series everyone recommends.
    Read those webcomics I love reading.
    I just.. want to be able to do stuff.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
  8. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Don't you just love it when your lack of sleep leaves you crying in bed for random reasons? Cause I sure do love that.
     
  9. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

  10. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD??!!!
     
  11. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    I don’t even know if I deserve to have the level of comfort I want in my life and I hate that.
     
  12. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    I NEED A BREAK I NEED A BREAK I NEED A BREAK WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST PLEASE STOP JUDGING ME FOR A SECOND
     
  13. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Took 2 exams last week. Just got back one of the results. I failed it and need to retake it one more time. If I fail it I fail the semester.
    Failing a term isn't just scary. It's more... weird than that.

    My brain doesn't even have the... ability to figure out what that would even mean?

    Like, if that did happen, then I... literally don't know how that would work.
    At all.

    If I failed a full term in a subject, I..
    I don't know. Literally all I know is that I'd probably be alive at around that point. Anything from mental wellbeing to routine to physical health to just... if this happens, then literally everything in my life becomes an unknown. Would I try to find ways to deal with it? Would I quit school and get a crappy job that I hate? Would I never speak to anyone ever again? Would I stab myself in the arm? Would I run away to the US and live off of someone here illegally? Would I not tell anyone and pretend to go to school every day? Would I just realize it's not that bad and keep on doing stuff? Would I go on a rampage and destroy school property and get myself arrested? Would I shut down and not leave bed for months?

    All of these seem like equally valid possibilities of what my brain might lead me to do in the case of me failing a term.

    That's how little I can process this potential event.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2016
  14. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    Do you have a study advisor person you can go talk to, to find out what it would mean if you failed your term?
     
  15. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Hey, thanks for the response.

    I forgot to update this, but basically:
    I ended up failing one subject.

    I know what happens, which is basically: not much. I just retake it next term. The thing is I knew that already when I made that post, but to me, the idea of "taking one semester too many to finish stuff that's been carefully planned out for the next 3 years" is the equivalent of being dropped in the middle of nowhere and told to get home somehow.

    Nobody else seemed to take it that way. My professor basically said "oh well, you'll get it next semester" like it was nothing. My dad said "I'm sorry. It happens." My mom didn't even scold me.

    I am...

    So weirded out by everything. My brain is still yelling out in confusion, "What do you mean, doesn't that mean that I need to work twice as hard and take an extra class and get straight A's to atone for my crime?!"

    So yeah.

    EDIT: Also, no, we don't. College for me is essentially "get to class, learn, leave class, repeat until exam time". It's... extremely dull compared to what I hear other people say about their schools.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
  16. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    Hahahaha brain, you're hilarious.
    Every time someone enjoys something, this conversation occurs:

     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
  17. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    It does happen, yeah. We're a little more relaxed about failing grades /failing a subject over here in The Netherlands too :-)

    I had the same problem wrt 'but now my plan is failing apart!' that you said you had, and in the end it was quite, quite nice to have some extra time in Uni
     
  18. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    How do you get over that feeling of needing to, I dunno, almost like "atone for my sin" or something?
     
  19. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    Honestly, it takes time to sink in that it doesn't matter that it took you longer. For me it helped that other people told me that they had the same thing happen to them and the world didn't end. Plus, honestly when I first failed stuff I was pretty depressed, so getting help for the depression also included getting help with the fact that I felt that I was failing.
     
  20. evilas

    evilas Sure, I'll put a custom title here

    I'm tired of feeling worthless.
    I live in a perpetual state of blank-ness that won't go away
    I can't take care of my own schedule.
    I can't take care of my own body.
    I just can't take care of anything and I need someone to wake me up and give me a sleep time and stuff but also I just wanna be left alone and do nothing.

    "You have depression" well NO SHIT, HOW DO I FIX IT?!

    I feel like I want someone to be help me with stuff when and how I ask them but also to not be in my way and not require anything from me and that's completely unreasonable to ask of someone.

    ESPECIALLY if I am a non-working "adult" with a weird mixture of exdys and laziness that just makes me feel so USELESS!!
     
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