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It sounds like you're at the end of your rope already, so I think it's high time your roomie finds a new place to live. It's totally possible to really like someone and them to be a good friend, but a horrible choice of housemate! Raising rent probably won't be enough to alleviate the stress on you; they're a slob (and that slobbiness is kind of a menace to your cats), they don't keep up on their promises, their presence leaves you with insufficient privacy, and they're really taking advantage of your kindness (not paying for their own food during order-in is a sleazy, sleazy move). That kind of stuff is a quick road to getting to hate the very sight of a person's face, no matter how much rent they pay or how much you used to like them.

I seriously doubt they're going to change just because of rent, so it's safest to assume the situation is going to remain unchanged, more rent or not. Can you live contentedly with their behavior for six months, a year, or more? If the answer is anything other than an unequivocal yes, you're headed for trouble if you let them stay.

[edit] Wanted to add that I think you've been incredibly generous with your friend already, and I'm saying this as someone who's hand some dire scrambles for a place to live.

 

Yeah, they definitely need to get out of there for your sake - you're very clearly Not Doing Well - and honestly, probably for theirs, too. If things weren't so dire I'd suggest boundary setting ideas, but you sound way too Done (and what with you dealing with the fallout from your surgery, you already have enough to deal with). I'd guess that right now they're in a comfortable place where they don't have to put any effort to making things better for themself, they can just coast - like they were living with indulgent parents. It's... not really a kindness to enable that. As rough as it seems to put them in a position where they'll have to put some effort into getting themself together, and leaving them with consequences if they don't put in that effort, it's necessary - so you don't lose your mind trying to deal with them, and so they start learning how to take care of themself, because you're not going to be able to be there to do it for them for the rest of their life. Learned helplessness sucks.

How to do it is a trickier thing. Probably framing it as something you need, rather than a laundry list of their fuckups, will ease the transition. Like, "Friend, I love having you around, but I'm having too much stress dealing with an extra person in the house. It's important to my health that you find a new place to live and move out by X date."

Having set dates to have stuff Done by (like any storage considerations, any things that need to be taken care of to facilitate their move), and a set date to have them out of the house, will help get it through to them that it's time to pull up and start pulling their weight. Depending on their issues and stuff, you may want to do some behind-the-scenes prep and/or some handholding so you can enforce the 'be out by this date' and not have them be homeless if they don't do the footwork they need to do - but kindly and firmly enforce those dates.

 

Piping in because I see the situation differently than Mercury does. I suspect that rather than being lazy and coasting, they might be depressed/overloaded. That kind of 'oh yeah, that sounds like a great thing! I'll do it when I have the time/energy!', sounds very much like exfun failure to me. And circumstantially... school + unstable financial situation + awful parents + lack of privacy/downtime? That's pretty tough shit.

That does not, however, change what YOU should do. You should totally kick them into the dorms. You're going nuts, and this is clearly not a healthy living situation for you. And if they are depressed/overloaded, dorms are a WAY easier living environment. They don't need to cook, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, and so on. I think that'd be better for both of you, and I agree with Mercury on 'how to handle thing.' Especially since they're effectively not paying a significant fraction of their rent.

I've been in a somewhat similar situation, because conflicting brainweirds suck. And I am very glad I moved out; best thing I could do under the circumstances.

 

Yo, I want to clarify - I don't think they're necessarily lazy. I can totally believe that they're depressed, but because Mendacity has been really accommodating, they've been coasting on that. Things like getting away with not paying for their portion of the takeout order and eating other people's food is definitely coasting. I know from experience that the two things can definitely co-exist.

It doesn't mean that they're a bad person, but allowing them to coast can feed into any entrenchedness they've got going that may also be fed by depression.

 

I don't have much by way of practical solutions, I'm sorry. But the whole plane safety, 'secure your mask before helping anyone else' thing seems apt. They may be having difficulties, but you do have an absolute right to deal with your stuff primarily. If that includes nudging them in to alternative accommodation in order to preserve your sanity, I'd say that in the long run that is totally understandable.

 

*Sends hugs* I know this doesn't help, but you really probably should tell them they have a month to move out. Or email that to them if you can't do words (or have your mom or your other support help tell them they have to leave).

 

Please, for the sake of your sanity, make it happen as soon as possible. :( There's never really going to be a 'good' time to have the talk - it's like ripping off a bandaid, it's best to get it over with. You and your cats deserve it.

Crossing my fingers for you, dude.

 

Because they can't do simple subtraction? Even with a calculator? I call bullshit. Unless this is some sort of weird American banking thing that I know nothing about.

 

Nope, no weird American banking thing.