I have another thread but I can't be bothered to find it so for right now I'm just gonna use this. I know a lot of people have it worse and I feel bad for complaining, but I think something's actually wrong with me. The constant pain was probably/definitely fibromyalgia, so at least I know that much. But the neurologist suggested that the reason I'm having memory problems may be seizures, which is ??? I don't know if I'm having seizures, I can't say one way or another. He also ordered an MRI for me without telling me, which worries me. My eyes are shit right now - I must have strained them. I can't seem to fix them, but then again I'm still looking at a screen, so. I need to make an appointment with the optometrist, but that's so exhausting. I already have an EEG (coming up next week), and appointment with my psychiatrist (coming up the week after) and an MRI (the week after that). At this point I kinda feel like giving up and just saying 'fuck it, this is the way we live now. We're just gonna keep forgetting shit until we can't remember anything else, our eyes are just not going to work sometimes, we're going to have sharp chest pains and tightness, and this is just how it is.' Because a part of me thinks that if I give up, it'll turn out that I was just faking it all along. The neurologist even said that it might all be psychosomatic. But oh my god, if it is can this all please stop??? I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. I want to be able to see! I want to be able to lift heavy things! I want to be able to lie down and not have pain! I'm probably just overreacting, though.
I can't fucking see I can't SEE my right eye is burning and my left is fine but everything is so fucking blurry. I noticed it yesterday when I couldn't see my professor's powerpoint even though it was huge. If it's a foot away I can see it, more than that it's a serious strain. Artificial tears didn't help. I'm booked solid for the next three weeks unless I can 100% beg off work one morning to go see an optometrist. I can try tomorrow, but I don't know if it's possible. God fucking damnit even not looking at glowing screens doesn't help. I was at my moderately lit morning job for seven hours, no time to get on my phone or look at my computer, and I thought I was getting better. Then I had to run upstairs for something. I couldn't read the menu of the shop I wound up at. I literally could not make out the words even just a few feet away. My vision has never been this bad. I was doing okay until yesterday.
Yeah, because what I really wanted was less vision and more pain. Oh my god if this is psychosomati can it please stop I'm so scared I don't know what to do I want to ask for help but there's no one to ask I'm scared and it hurts and it's all my fault
I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. Now that I've calmed down I realized that it might be my medication doing this. Fucking goddamnit. And it was really helping me, too.
Honestly, it could very well be that he just forgot to tell you. Doctors are human like that sometimes ;) I wouldn't be overly concerned, but if you still are you can always call the doctor's surgery and ask them to call you back to explain why they did it :)
The thing is, I already had one done. He told me he didn't think that there was anything wrong with me, but the EEG was just a precaution. So I don't know why we're redoing it? Like I hope we're fine, but he also only glanced at my chart once twice and didn't know my name.
If they're worried you might be seizing, it may have to do with your med, which can lower the seizure threshold. It could also just be because that's a pretty standard thing for a neurologist to start with and try to rule out. They thought I might have a seizure disorder for a while, so I've been through the testing gestalt. As far as I remember, I think the scans can be sort of inconclusive. They didn't see any seizure activity on my EEG, but that mostly proved I wasn't seizing during the test. It made the diagnosis a lot more doubtful, though. Even if a problem does turn out to be psychosomatic, that doesn't mean it isn't a real problem. If you're struggling or suffering, that's real and it matters.
@Verily I definitely do know that psychosomatic illnesses are valid. The problem is that my family doesn't. I'm on their insurance. They would (figuratively) kill me if they knew I had a psychosomatic illness instead of a ""real"" problem. I'd be so upset from that I probably wouldn't be able to go to the doctor again for a very long time. But thank you, I appreciate your words. Update: my vision seems a little better since starting the Welbutrin, although I've noticed the weird film effect on my right eye is back again. Win some lose some, I guess. Also my eyes are back to doing that weird thing where it feels like they're trying to move involuntarily but they can't. Which, hey, I'm glad they're not moving without me doing anything, but it's not really pleasant. I might still make the appointment with the optometrist, since if nothing else, I'm due for new glasses.
