Puns?

Acey · Apr 13, 2021 at 7:47 PM

ChelG said: ↑

Wear this to an anime convention.

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Okay but where might one purchase this?

ChelG · Apr 14, 2021 at 1:40 AM

https://www.mrsbowtie.com/products/chickens-in-pale-green-tie

Acey · Apr 14, 2021 at 1:42 AM

ChelG said: ↑

https://www.mrsbowtie.com/products/chickens-in-pale-green-tie
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Thanks!

ChelG · Apr 17, 2021 at 7:47 PM

Coming up with Lovecraft puns for a hypothetical "Wuvcraft" merch line. I'm quite proud of Cthutelu, Shub-Mignonnerath, N'yawwlathotep, and Lost Carcozy.

ChelG · Apr 23, 2021 at 5:05 PM

What does Grignr drink with breakfast? Severed Oval-tine.

ChelG · Apr 23, 2021 at 5:13 PM

More Wuvcraft puns: Nice-Gaunts, Byakawaii, and (with thanks to Discord) the King in YellOwO.

ChelG · Jun 1, 2021 at 9:07 AM

Asked for coffee cake.
Java cake isn't the same.
Don't make me bean you.
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ChelG · Jun 8, 2021

These two blokes are lost in the Sahara desert. They’re desperate for water, but just as they think they’re about to die, they chance upon a village where market day is in full swing. They go to the first stall they see and ask if they can buy some water.

“No,” replies the Bedouin stall owner, “I only sell fruit. Try the next stall.”

So off they go to the next stall and again they ask for water. “Sorry,” says the merchant, “But I only sell custard.”

“Custard?” one of the blokes says to the other, “What kind of place is this?”

By now desperate, they go to the next stall, only to be told, “Sorry, but I only sell jelly.”

Hearing this, one of the blokes turns to the other and says,

“This is a trifle bazaar.”

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A scientist finally found a way to clone humans by first cloning himself. Physically the clone was a perfect match, however it had mental problems. All day long it would curse and shout vulgarities and insults ad nauseum. At first it was interesting but as time went on the behavior worsened. Day in and day out he would spew an endless stream of obscenity that could make a sailor blush, becoming more and more crude as he went.

One day after a fifteen hour tirade about his mother the scientist snapped. In a fit of rage he pushed his clone out of a window.

He was arrested the next morning for

making an obscene clone fall.

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Emma · Jun 8, 2021 at 12:58 PM

@ChelG I don't get the last one :/ Would you mind explaining it to me?

ChelG · Jun 8, 2021 at 1:18 PM

@Emma

Obscene phone call.

ChelG · Jun 8, 2021 at 7:55 PM

If you have a full ashtray and take just one of the butts out, is it then a cigarette lighter?

ChelG · Jun 10, 2021 at 12:50 PM

IPregnant. What happens when you no longer need the iPad.
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ChelG · Jul 19, 2021 at 8:05 PM

From a Horrible Histories fic:

Richard II (played by Mathew Baynton) coughs from the doorway. “Everything all right in there, Bollingbroke?”

Falstaff snickers. Henry looks over his shoulder and smiles sweetly. “Never better, Dick!”

“That’s King Dick to you,” says Richard II. He smirks, and his robes flounce on the way back out the door as he gives a little shimmy. “Later, Bolls.”
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ChelG · Aug 5, 2021 at 12:16 PM

The pizza chef was dead, smothered in mozzarella and tomatoes. Was it murder? Or had he topped himself?
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ChelG · Aug 6, 2021 at 8:32 AM

"He kisses me, and I inhale his sexy Christian smell."

(via fiftyshadesofsnark)

#50 shades of it doubles as a holy mackerel!
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Deresto · Aug 12, 2021 at 4:19 PM

Might've been done already, but:

ChelG · Aug 16, 2021 at 5:39 PM

"Soy milk?"
"Hola milk, soy Dad."
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ChelG · Aug 19, 2021 at 1:58 PM

Here's a disturbing fact delivered via horrible pun: Neonatology, the branch of pediatrics dedicated to keeping newborns alive, is basically still in its infancy.
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(Obvious trigger warnings.)

ChelG · Aug 20, 2021 at 9:10 AM

incorrect-hs-quotes

Xefros: alright, it was Xtremely hard, but I got your lusus back

Joey: Alright, give me the bird

Xefros: I can't, this is a kids game
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ChelG · Aug 20, 2021 at 5:27 PM

Going through old stuff and found this again:

Ten of the best name suggestions for Oldham council’s new gritter:

Gritney Spears

Brad Grit

Lazy Grit

Usain Salt

I’m a Celebrity, Grit Me Out of Here

True Grit

Andy Gritchie

Gritt Ekland

Gritter Manchester

Sir David Attenborough [the name that actually ended up applied to the would-be Boaty McBoatface, apparently]

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"Gritter Garbo" and "Grit Expectations" didn't make the top ten but were on there.

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