Back on my bullshit

twins parties:

default: both hawkes, both bfs, so much bitching

onyx: anders, aveline, varric. Get Shit Done party.

acanthus: fenris, isabela, seb. out to make a ruckus and drag the chantry boy into iniquity, or at least some bad decisions.

legacy: both hawkes, warden!bethy, varric. they get So Fucking Drunk after.

tallis dlc I forget the name of: both hawkes, fen, isabela. acanthus clocks tallis as qunari immediately bc her armor is Not subtle, but plays along bc he's a terrible goblin who likes poking traps to see if he can get out of them.

 

acanthus is that "I ripped off all the sleeves of my shirts bc my girlfriend went on a cruise and she's 80% of my impulse control" tweet except instead of fashion crimes it's being an asshole and possibly actual crimes
(only possibly bc fenris does not seem the kind to particularly object to Just A Little Crime, he will not control that impulse even if he's around)

 

i feel like fenris is a-okay with people having little a crime, as a treat

 

noodles about drakevik magic system ooc

"soul" and wood are paired bc they're both Life essentia, animal life and plant life. modern casters call it Soul bc it's present in all non-elemental* living things, but Blood and Will would be just as accurate and possibly have been a names for it in the past. (microbes and fungi are both weird edge cases. lichens, as always, Do What They Want.)

*there are three basic 'categories' of sapients, magically speaking, divided by how many of the essentia are present in their being.
greater elementals: what we'd recognize as Elementals (which is currently what they're called), one world-essence and one essence only. these are only rarely encountered by mortals, and tend to vibe in high-energy places or outside perception entirely. Technically the world-spirits are also greater elementals, but powerwise they far, far outclass the rest of them. Manifest either as coalesced magical energy near leylines or rarely via direct creation by the relevant world-spirit.
lesser elementals: called spirit-kin or firstborn. Two parts one element, one part another, with Soul usually the lesser portion. This is where you get sea serpents, dragons, treefolk, etc. the first generations of these are usually directly created for one reason or another, but have their own methods of further reproduction.
(@ future me come back and make a list here of which proportions make what, you know you're that kind of nerd.)
-serpents: water-soul
-dragons: fire-air
Mortals: 3+ essentia in residence, usually varying amounts of all six. Sometimes one of the essentia is more heavily weighted (see: merfolk, elves), but they're able to access and usually manipulate whatever they're aligned with. humans are broken in that their native magic is What The Fuck Ever (future noodling abt wild magic/Talents to come), but generally have no particular skill with any one essence.

I'm thiiiinking whatever the Fuck mialdryg was doing involves fucking with the world-spirits and thereby the essentia, fucking up basically everything that relies on One element to function, which is why mortals need to get dragged in to deal with him. still poking at why this morphs into History May Never Know.

 

and back to the dragon age 2 train: bethany hawke is farm girl ripped and no one can convince me otherwise

 

"reblog if you listened to fireflies by owl city as a child" OOF time isn't real, how dare you make me consider this
that shit came out when I was in high school

 

til netflix castlevania trevor and dracula are voiced by live-action thorin and dwalin respectively and now I can't unhear it

 

...you have cursed me with knowledge

 

trying to think what would make acanthus actually break down and cry and. I got nothing. man sublimates all negative emotions into Stabbing Things. sir I know you're neutral evil but please find a healthier coping mechanism

 

Sometimes you have little knives instead of tearducts and I think that's very cool of acanthus :P

 

Cooking skills! Which of your children has them, what kind.
Also, what do they always buy, gather, or forage for?

 

stares at oc stable
hoo boy

Spoiler: robutts

Nailtrine: Whisperwind's a tea bitch, Eclipse is the one who makes sure everything actually stays nutritious. (Venture has a sweets hoard.)
Contrine: Ignis.... probably had a thing for elaborate crystal constructions a la super fancy spun-sugar stuff. Paradox is a wartime hoarder baybee. Dynamo and Barrage were both spoiled babies before the war - they've learned since to put up and shut up, but neither of them is particularly good at putting meals together. The dispensary exists for a reason.
Licentans: Gess and Silverburst both know what a refinery is and how to use one- Gess probably even had her own little setup on her shuttle. Bit likes things that Look Weird or have Fun Textures. Rustbucket encourages this too much because he has no inkling in his head as to what's actually edible by Normal Human Robot People anymore. If it's portable and not currently alive, it's getting subspaced and will probably get eaten or taken apart later.
Murderhusbands: Local insecticons eat all. Wiretap is also Vitamin Dad and vampire dad, he's not above siphoning kills so his squad gets more juice. Afterglow is unconscionably fond of stupid fancy little cocktails.
Coil's going into actual energon refinement... but can't actually do anything fancy with it once it is usable. Prowler is a little more willing to experiment, but they're both pretty limited by supplies and not being able to eat solids, so mostly they just take advantage of the dispensary.

Spoiler: DA

Any iteration of Ghilan knows how to cook, though they aren't much a hand at baking. Desert goblin is proficient in making just about anything edible, inquisitor could reasonably care for themself in the bounds of clan life but is less, uh, survival-oriented. Both are herb-hoarding gremlins, bc Dalish Lyfe, but desert keeps an eye out for blightwasps and alchemical ingredients, while inq is more a seasonings herb ho.
Maraas... can cook meat through, usually. That's unfair, he's roughly as proficient as desert!Ghilan at making things edible, but this is not his calling and he knows it. He does yearn for chocolate and spices, but good fucking luck getting half of what he wants in the south.
Samahl can also cook enough to keep himself alive, and is... adequate at preserving things. Zev much prefers good food, so if they're in town somewhere they're more likely to buy meals than suffer such attempts. (Samahl hoards elfroot as a matter of habit. Doesn't matter where he is, he's asking if anybody's got any. You chug all your potions in one boss battle and that damage stays with you forever.
Haakon... could cook if she had to, but likely had to learn from Morrigan during the Blight. She had staff for that as a noble, and now she's got staff for that as Warden-liason to the Legion.
Myrtle... probably cannot cook. She's a noble, she likes stabbing things, somebody else can handle the cooking.
Onyx can definitely cook (somebody needs to get food into Anders), and probably hoards storage foods and seasonings.
Acanthus could figure something out if he had to, but would much rather spend his ill-gotten coin on somebody else doing all the hard work. He's a slut for savory things, and every Satinalia gets Fenris a pastry of some sort as a gag gift. (The other half of the gift is either milk, cheese, or a fur- three goats and a sheaf of wheat, metaphorically, for goblins spending half their time on the road or in the wilds.)
Curiosity inhales recipes like every other sort of knowledge, but doesn't quite grok measuring with your heart. Consequently, they're much better at baking than other pursuits. If they're allowed shopping, they will always come back with something they haven't tried before, because they're more concerned with new than reliable.

Spoiler: Elder Scrolls

okay technically I only took the cooking skill tree on orc paladin whose name I constantly forget, but lorewise...
Siishana, like most khajiit, has a sweet tooth the size of both moons combined. She's more likely to hunt and eat small prey raw than try to cook, but she is technically capable.
Swims-All-Currents: fire lizard.... can toast.
Shelobah and Relyn can both cook for themselves; it's more a hobby for Rel, and of course Shelob's out in the field on her own. Relyn makes a game out of trying to make poisons that taste good, or foods that compliment them, because of course most Tong agents have enough resistances built up to consider nightshade a Tasty Snack.
Fajjan hoards food because I am a compulsive looter and have a mod that makes it weightless, but prefers roasted meats. MUST BUY SALT. MUST STOCK UP ON SALT. GIVE HER THE SALT. And moon sugar, but mostly FUCKING SALT WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND SALT IN SKYRIM.

Spoiler: tabletop characters no one's heard of, mostly

Kheper is a HOBBIT of COURSE he can cook who do you think he is? He didn't die and come back and head the diplomatic arm of this international organization for untold decades to not personally handle every feast he can get his hands on!
Khashimaj constantly has her head in the clouds. Would probably set the kitchen on fire by accident. Doesn't remember food exists often enough to attempt cooking too frequently, though.
Ulien... gremlin. Gremlin man. He's got a grew-up-poor guy's double whammy of Food Waste Bad and ehhhh it's still edible, right? Just gotta take off the worst bits. He would say he can make nearly anything edible. Whether anyone else would eat what he's made is up for debate and largely depends on what he can get his little pizza hands on.
Lusorio is lucky he doesn't need to have a stomach anymore, because he sure forgets food is a thing sometimes. Could probably cook if pressed, mostly just stocks up on preserved things. He would be a microwave-and-takeout man in a modern setting.
Umai has never cooked a day in his life and isn't about to start now. What does he look like, a peasant???

 

Whats your OCs Daemon/Patronus/Non copyrighted soul animal?

 

triple cat playtime observations:
frumpkin understands playtime. she knows if she releases the ribbon it will keep moving in fun ways, while the other two go This Is My Ribbon and not let it up. signals that she's done with a game by holding onto the toy and trying to take it away with her.
frumpkin also prefers interactive playtime. will ignore a toy unless it's being held by a person or another animal (dog included), but constantly instigates playtime with the other cats, either via floor wiggles or tail (or fur, or ear, or other body parts)-pulling.
bean understands physics, but not sharing. will keep one paw Firmly Pinning the section of ribbon she's already 'claimed' and use the other to try to drag the rest of the length towards her.
angel is opposite frumpkin: understands letting go (sometimes, when she's not focused on Killing Toy), but doesn't want to interact with the other cats. she'll be obviously tracking and preparing to pounce, but if one of the others gets there first she immediately backs off and ignores the play session. she's also the only one visibly tracking by sound- bean's dumb as a brick, frumpkin can be enticed by hiding the toy behind something, but angel gets interested when it pings off the wall or furniture and makes a new noise.

 

Spoiler: robots

Whisperwind: Chameleon. The color-change aspect is the obvious draw there, but also: very cautious, rather fragile, hypervigilant and pretty damn accurate when they do hunt.
Venture: For all the gottagofast in him, my mans still gotta be a killdeer regardless. Gotta put on a biiiig show so that no one notices what's actually important to him.
Eclipse: I am having so much trouble with this enigmatic motherfucker. I think.... okapi? Mostly-solitary prey animal, but as most large ungulates, will still fuck you up. Eats poisonous plants without noticing, not hurt by them.
Ignis: Bird of paradise (prrrrobably P. rubra?). Big pretty. Big drama. Not much fighty except with people in his own weight class.
Dynamo: Also a bop, but one of them black-and-blue dancy fuckers that gets memed on. L. superba, thank you wikipedia.
Barrage: Black swan. Goth asshole, strongly dedicated to a pair trine-bond, known to be even more an asshole when gay (pair-bonded males, ~25% of all black swan pairs, have been frequently seen to chase females off their nests and claim the eggs as theirs lmao)
Paradox: Black-chinned hummingbird. Tiny, will fuck you up, known to nest near larger jets predatory birds so that mid-sized predatory birds get scared off.
Gess: God. Is neurotic mess a soul animal? Horse? Horse. Probably a hotblood of some sort. Terminally anxious, just as likely to run you over as run away. does this make jetski the cinematic Horse Girl? yes. yes it does
Silverburst: ass Donkey. Too clever by half, slow to trust but loyal once you get there. Until then, have fun managing a headstrong, prideful goblin perfectly willing to take your fingers off given the opportunity.
Rustbucket: is ox cheating if thedas!rust is qunari Ngl. Saltwater crocodile. Ambush predator, disturbingly hard to kill and also hella aggro (the most territorial and least social of any croc species), will eat just about anything regardless of whether it fits. (TIL crocs have the most acidic stomach of any vertebrate, including vultures, because they use their own blood to stimulate acid production... what the fuck, man.)

Spoiler: relevant wiki passage

Afterglow: Shrike/butcherbird. A stabby little goblin prone to making Examples of his kills, but still a prey animal at heart.
Quarrel: Also a croc, but one of the more sociable species than Rust.
Wiretap: Pigeon...... Clever, social, and incredibly aware of when he's being ignored or ill-treated. Will shred somebody else's babies to protect his own.
Slipstream: Orbweaver. Keeps making more work for himself, but by god if each time it isn't more complicated than the last.
Thunderwing: Labrador retriever. Mostly for the labs cannot stop eating lmao, but also very group-oriented and friendly.

Coil and Prowler's aren't settled yet, but they always match. (They will settle differently. It will confuse and distress them both.)

Spoiler: DA

You know what I think would be fun? Nobody in Thedas having visible soul animals bc they were sundered when the Veil was made. Some sort of weird guardian spirit type thing where the Fade is full of critters looking for their people. Solas shows up at Haven with a fuckin wolf, bc of course she went to sleep with him, and has to make up some bullshit about her being a pet. Mostly it gets chalked up to Weird Elf Shit™ but half the Inquisition is convinced that thing is too damn smart to be a normal animal. And they're right.
BUT! In a universe where those animals are visible...
Ghilan: Crow. Clever, social, very defensive of family, long memory for grudges and favors both.
Maraas: everybody wants a water buffalo! Big, solid, arguably bad-tempered except around familiar faces.
Samahl: Also a wolf. Gregarious and affectionate with His people, wary and standoffish with strangers. Definitely has a weird staredown with Solas' wolf, bc that is not a normal wolf even for weird soul wolves.
Haakon: Cat! I'm surprised it took me this long to get a cat, but it does suit her.
Myrtle is evicted from the list on account of I haven't actually played her yet and don't have that good a grip on her character.
Onyx: Mabari. There is much confusion between her mabari and the mundane mabari she also has.
Acanthus: I can't not make him a weasel of some sort. I think.... stoat/ermine. He'd claim it's because obviously he is a man of wealth, taste, and such supreme fashion sense that it's wound into his very soul. But also, they're territorial little bastards known to take down prey multiple times their size in the prey's own burrows as well as surplus killing to cache for later.
Curiosity is their own spirit animal. Or possibly gets in a fight with Aridhel's (she has a water deer to start- mild when left alone, but those fangs are well on display).

Spoiler: Elder Scrolls

god. really bringing home how many of my ES characters are already animals. call me out why don't you.
Siishana: I'm gonna cheat here and steal the dragonfrog she's got as a pet. Deceptively small and theoretically harmless, but actually fairly dangerous.
Swims-All-Currents: desperately tries to not make the lizard's daemon another, smaller lizard. uh. Y'know what, they get a snake. Big ol constrictor.
Shelobah: Before she died, it was a perfectly normal giant spider. Now, there's something... off about it. Daedric influence will do that.
Relyn: Nix-hound, conveniently also (supposedly) created by the patron deity of the Morag Tong. Aggressive pack-hunters that drain the blood from their victims giant mosquito dogs, fastidious, incredibly loyal to anyone in their pack.
Fajjan: Ironically, a rat. Friendly, normally, but also ready to throw down 24/7.
Carinor: Moose. Leaf him be, he is just here to live his life. Also, because I forgot him for the food one: he does hold to the green pact, so he's a fair hand with carnivoran dishes but could not cook a plant to save his life. Also a salt-hoarder like Fajjan.

Spoiler: tabletop

Kheper: I'm gonna cheat here, but his ranger familiar was a viper that grew into a venomous dragon, so..... (Intimidation factor: The chief diplomat of this region is a simple little halfling! Smiling! Friendly! Ensuring there are plenty of snacks for negotiations! With.... a 50ft winged spiny bush viper (color-edited photo) hanging out behind him.)
Khashimaj: Magpie. Weird little shit-stirrer, annoyingly smart for how often she has one singular brain cell.
Ulien: Bearded vulture/lammergeier. Surviving on weird shit nobody else wants to eat and also weirdly aggro for a vulture. Guarded with strangers but intensely devoted to those he cares about. (Oof, how many times have I typed that in this post alone... I have a type, lads.)
Lusorio: Snake. Can't explain why. Just snake vibes. Noodle man.
Umai: I refuse to make his spirit animal the same bird as him, but also, being a bird is so wound into his entire concept I can't separate it..... so he's a bellbird. A
Lucky Scramble: Ferret. Chaos noodle. (Missed food: Can reasonably cook, but is a feral goblin and will gladly also eat most things raw. Has a bad time keeping a 'shopping' list in their head, so they don't so much Stock Up as go "owo wats dis". Modern AU would be a shopping cart full of impulse buys and 0 practical nutritional effort.)
Kiidi: Also a cat, but Him Want Nap variety more than Haakon's God's The Maker's Perfect Predator In Pocket Size. (Missed food: Has a vague knowledge of how cooking happens, but mostly relies on ship supply/buying food on shore leave. If he splurges, it's on cephalopods, but I figure ship still prefers dry-preserved over frozen so it's not so much 'stocking up' as 'tasty treat'. Modern AU is a takeout-and-vitamins kinda guy.)

Spoiler: various sundry OCs I forgot earlier

Domino: coelacanth! Weird cryptid fish, mostly runs away from predators, otherwise just kind of Vibes as far as we know. They cook for the joy of cooking, and with an immortal's lifespan have had time to perfect a lot of nitpicky stuff. They prefer baking, but anything they can make and make pretty is worth a shot. Seasonings and unusual ingredients get prioritized, as well as weird molecular gastronomy shit so they can continue inflicting said weird shit on Liam without making him suffer through non-blood food.
Mathias: Gulraudhr would be cheating, so boy gets a big happy dog. Cannot cook to save his life. Literal Prince over here, he's never had to even consider it and possibly doesn't even know where the kitchens are.
Lukas: Stag (roe deer). Small, elegant, Will Fuck You Up if caught at the wrong time. Has never formally been trained in cooking, but can roughly science things out even if he'd prefer not to. Like Matt, there's servants for that, he's got other concerns.

 

u rite

SICK

 

acanthus showed up in my dream last night specifically to kill somebody at the worst possible moment, which is. so on brand, but sir please-

 

I think I do need to attempt a da2 writeup for the twins, if acanthus is going to keep handing me lines in my sleep like

because canthy will never admit the other possible phrase there is 'ripping my heart out, physically this time'

 

I have so many concerns for Kris Deltarune

 

made my dumb bird boy a shoplook