I've been feeling overwhelmed, but I have next to no "real" responsibilities in my life...?

Lately, I've been having a ton of arguments with my mom, who says I'm lazy and addicted to Youtube and I never want to do anything else, and who always tends to have a negative outlook on how things might turn out for me in the future (finding a job, living on my own, etc.). But I just have so many let's plays and vlogs and other random videos I want to stay caught up with, and that's getting to be a bit overwhelming.

I'm 21. I grew up in a very loving family that took care of all my needs, and fought very hard to get my school to adapt to my needs. I study the thing I'm most passionate about and I'm good at it (Physics), I live with my parents (that's common in my country at my age) - they're wealthy enough to get me anything I really need but they work really hard and have a ton of stuff they're constantly doing (and my mom suffers from both depression and migraines), I don't work, I rarely do any actual studying, and all I do is go to my classes, walk my dog, go to the gym twice a week because my mom tells me to, see a therapist once a week, and I spend over half of my remaining waking hours on Youtube and Tumblr. I hear tons of stories about people with severe depression who can't get out of bed, and abuse, and cutting themselves, and just tons of stories that make me feel like I have no right to ask for help regarding anything. Especially not something as silly as "getting overwhelmed by too much stuff I want to watch on Youtube".

Anyway, I have this weird thing where I keep a list of a ton of stuff I want to do, from watching Youtube videos and TV series to listening to podcasts, reading books and whatever else, and I am really, really behind. I've been behind for quite some time now, but it's just getting worse as time goes on.
I stay up until at least 2AM every day on Youtube and Tumblr trying to catch up on whatever I can, I oversleep about once a week, and fall asleep in class just about every other day. The weekends when my mom or dad (they're divorced, meaning 2 different houses) don't wake me up or tell me to go to bed my sleep cycle can quickly become "fall asleep at 5:30 AM, wake up at 3 PM, fall asleep at 9 AM, wake up at 6 PM, and so on."

I have a few exams in a few days and I need to study, but I just want to keep on doing my things and not paying attention to anything else, and even without those exams, I know this behavior isn't healthy in the long run...
So what do I do?

 

Can you describe how you feel about being behind on the things you want to do? Or what it's like if you get more behind or miss something you planned on?

 

Ok so this sounds like both executive dysfunction and maybe like you're depressed to some degree? I have OCD and not depression but when I'm having a bad time with intrusive thoughts, I easily become depressed and lethargic because my brain is screaming at me which makes it hard to feel very happy or motivated, so uh. Yeah this sounds like me when mental illness + executive dysfunction is kicking my butt. I tend to do things like just listen to podcasts or YouTube videos because my brain is too overwhelmed to focus on anything.

So I don't know if that sounds like you at all, but Uh. Yeah. Have you ever been assessed for ADHD? It's possible you could have inattentive-type, just based in reading this. Mental illness can also cause executive dysfunction too.

 

Hmm, it's... weird. I feel like I'm missing out on stuff, and I just have to be on top of everything all the time. I want to just get it over with. Even as I'm typing this, it gives me a feeling of "You're wasting time you could be spending doing productive stuff like reducing your pile of 50 videos you still need to watch before it gets refilled next week..."
I have exams in the next couple of weeks and I have paid literally zero attention to them because I'm so focused on getting, at the very least, this small 5-day-old pile of 50 videos or so done. This pile, of course, has remained at 50 videos for the past 2 weeks because I'm always roughly 5 days behind.

And every so often I make a bit of progress (usually regarding TV series, or anime, or webcomics) and it just always feels like it's overshadowed by a new season of something, or a new Let's Play, or a new something that I can't watch right now.
For context, I use a website called Episode Alert to track what series I've watched, and I'm apparently in the 99th percentile of "amount of stuff you crammed into your 'to watch' list".

It's even gotten to the point where I'm kinda glad when a Let's Player goes to a convention, or a show gets a hiatus, or even when a Youtuber's computer is damaged and they can't post videos consistently, because it's less stuff that I need to stay on top of.

But anyway, to answer your question, it feels like if I'm not caught up, I'm not a proper part of the group or the fandom or whatever, and I always feel like I need to be part of all of that.

 

Are you watching so many series because you actually enjoy watching all of them, or because you feel like you need to watch them for some reason? Like, because you have started watching a series, you now feel like you need to finish it?

 

I may be reaching, but it sounds like you might be a little lonely. I used to fixate on things that I had to keep up on or else I would miss things, and a part of it was I didn't have people to talk to. If I watched or read a thing, it was like I was socializing, because then I would know what other people were referencing, but I didn't actually socialize with anyone. I eventually had to just slowly remove things to keep up with, because I too was getting overwhelmed.

I also ended up completely cutting off one thing, then diving into a different thing. Each thing became too much to deal with, even when I tried to cut them down, so I just ended up swapping poisons repeatedly. The thing that actually helped: getting someone to watch tv with. I go out, I get socializing, and I find a thing that has more value than what ever I was fixating on. I found something to focus on that I can't become "behind" on. It gave me breathing room and now I can do the other little things because I want to, not because I have to.

Also, if you want to try getting a little bit more control of things, you could try setting an alarm on your phone at x o'clock. It would be a reminder that you need to stop for the night if/when your parents can't be there to remind you.

 

I think you may be on to something... but I'm not sure if that's the full answer.
For example, back when it was airing, a friend of mine was urging me to catch up with Breaking Bad, and I kinda never got around to watching it, until my dad started to, and we watched it together with my stepmom and brother, but they ended up watching a couple of episodes past where I was, and I just stopped keeping up. To this day it's still on my "to watch" list.

And to answer oph and Seebs, there are a lot of things I did stop doing because I just didn't enjoy them, like there was one anime that someone I followed on Tumblr watched, and I watched the first 3 episodes and got bored so I stopped. It's a good thing she never mentioned the anime again, because otherwise I'd probably still have it in my collection.
And yes, I know that last sentence fits in perfectly with what rorleuaisen was saying, but I still feel like there's something more to it, because I really do want to catch up with stuff, and I really do like watching them. But I just feel like I don't have the time.

 

Do you at all feel like something bad will happen if you can't catch up? Does the idea of not keeping up make you feel anxious?

 

This is likely because life was different for you back then. These sorts of habits are created because there is a need that is not being fulfilled, and your brain searches for an alternative. For example, I did not have this particular problem until my best friend moved away and I became overworked. I was not always lonely, but things happened and I became lonely. I am not sure if or how your life has changed since then, but it is entirely possible that you are feeling overwhelmed by school and are experiencing depression(you do sound depressed to me). Life/school stress plus depression plus lonliness is enough to lead to this behavior imo.

Another thing to think about is this behavior gets you stuck in a positive feedback loop. It feeds you stimulation and it makes other things in life less desireable because it is giving you "happiness" repeatedly. But it is not fulfilling your other needs, so you are stressed and unhappy. So you watch more videos to get more happiness. It is a really hard loop to break because it is a really easy way to get happiness, but it is controlling you at this point. I honestly suggest just not doing it for a day or two. Make a plans with someone, go to a park. Something. Make a day happen that you promise yourself not to watch things. It is easier if you make fun plans with a friend. It will be little hard because your brain will nag you that you should be watching things, but remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen if you miss one day.

If you wanna look at this self-anaylitically, here are some questions you could ask yourself:
Is there something I would rather do than watch these things?
What would happen if I just completely stopped? What would I lose?
When is "too late" to watch these things?

 

Yeah, absolutely, it feels like I just won't know what's going on in the world that I care about.

I know, because it's happened several times, and the times I keep up with it I feel a lot better, like I'm actually a part of whatever group people who keep up with that stuff are a part of.

No, life was definitely not different back then. I do get overwhelmed, but I did back then too, to pretty much the same extent (with fewer things to do, strangely enough). I had the same problems. Every time I have a day where I'm doing stuff with other people, not watching things, I just have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that says "you're missing out, you're missing out" and I do try to say "nothing bad's gonna happen for missing one day", but time and time again I'm actually proven wrong. On weekends when I actually get time to catch up, it feels so relieving, like cleaning a messy room.

Also, thanks for saying I sound depressed. I'm never sure if I classify, because I feel good enough, enough of the time, that I can think maybe I'm not but I can never tell for sure, so it's always helpful to have these opinions.

As for your 3 self-analysis questions:

Is there something I would rather do than watch these things?
-Not really; I really don't have any other enjoyable activity that I like to do. Seriously. I don't really enjoy being outside, and it's not like I have friends to play online games with, besides, I don't really enjoy them that much? I'd much rather watch a Let's Play.

What would happen if I just completely stopped? What would I lose?
-Everything's interconnected, so giving up all that is like giving up my life, and my friends, and most of what I enjoy.

When is "too late" to watch these things?
-What do you mean by "too late"? If you mean "I'm disappointed I missed it" then until the next one comes out (could be a day, or a week, or whatever)
If you mean "oh, well no point in watching it now" then probably never? I have a year-and-a-half old videos up there still.