Spoiler slept more than i've been awake today. suspect it's a depressive episode that the citalopram isn't quite enough to fully combat. need to call doctor and make appt to up meds. only did dishes today. don't have the margin for slacking in my work schedule. need a day off that my brain KNOWS is a day off. need to go back to sleep...
Spoiler: need hugs I am having the crappiest day :( Don't really want to go in to details (stupid overactive tearducts), but I could really use a hug
Hugs @Emma and @Valerie @Valerie Spoiler Sounds to me like they'd probably think you were sick, not on drugs. Which is indeed true. I wouldn't worry too much; one day isn't going to ruin everything. :) Personal hug need: Spoiler Ugh, I triggered myself and now I can't stop brooding. TwoBrokenMirrors, if you read this, absolutely do not feel bad, talking about Bad Stuff really is good for me, and I don't mind sharing. Healthy exposure! But ugh, I feel broken and fragile today. Can't get the intrusive depression/guilt thoughts out of my head, even though I'm stable enough now to go 'yeah, brain, you're just being silly' and dismiss them.
Good luck, I hope things go better next time. And sadly not an option, but keeping busy is really the best thing for me. I'm a lot better brainwise than I used to be, I'll be alright. :)
Spoiler I feel like I've been nothing but a tired, snotty asshole lately, talking endlessly about my own problems that don't even have solutions beyond 'Mirrors, quit being a stupid douche and get off your ass' and incapable of raising any interest or useful anything for anyone else's problems, which are, of course, infinitely worse (thanks brain). And I realised that since- TMI- my period started on Wednesday, at least some of it is probably linked to my cycle, which just makes me feel worse because of course if it's going to get better once my hormones settle down then it doesn't seem like it was ever real to begin with, just something I should be putting up with and ignoring. So I end up in this weird mindset where I don't want to get better because I wish I could stop being so fucking functional so people will believe I actually have problems. I'm just always tired and I'm probably not really eating properly (though I've been making efforts to improve that) and monumentally fed up with being a whiny jackass and also feeling lonely and trapped and terrified of the future. And yet all my problems remain less important or severe than everyone else's, because I'm not abused or suicidal or SUPER NOTICEABLY AUTISTIC or really anything other than tired and grumpy for no fucking reason. And people keep telling me not to compare but how can I, whenever I find something I think I can relate to it always turns out that I have the REALLY MILD VERSION so it doesn't even count, because I can just power on through. How can I possibly have any kind of serious problem when I made it through university without imploding? To hell with 'your problems are serious to you so they count even if they're not objectively as bad as someone else's', it's not even true, I'm just looking for attention. AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF I MADE THAT STATEMENT BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT OR BECAUSE I'M ANGLING FOR SOMEONE TO COME ALONG AND GO 'TUT YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE I CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS DEAR'. I don't even know where I'm going with this.
@TwoBrokenMirrors /hugs. Spoiler Being upset like that is itself serious, honestly. That amount of emotional upset is itself severe enough to be worth attention. It's okay, you're not being a pain, and asking for attention is just fine.
@TwoBrokenMirrors huuuuuuuug. Spoiler Your problems aren't less important, even if they might be less severe. I think we've all fallen prey to the game of "who has it worst" at one point or another in our lives at least, but it's still a game that generally doesn't make anything better for anyone. Hang in there!
Spoiler: In response to the above As long as you're setting reasonable, attainable goals and not getting into any kind of obsessive mental state about them, it's fine to want to lose weight. They all seem to be in the mode of ascribing motivations and psychological states to you without actually listening to you or perhaps even asking? *hugs*
Am having a pretty good day because I'm actually getting stuff done and being vaguely productive while watching sad gay documentaries (as a writing process, it's actually helpful sooooo) so HUGS to all who need 'em and semi-affectionate hair ruffles to anyone who wants 'em
Hugs seriously needed over here. Spoiler So, my mom flipped her shit at me for stuff that wasn't my fault (there's already a thread elaborating on that in the 'is this abuse' forum), I have my period, dysphoria is kicking me in the face, and some of my friends are being assholes since I mentioned that they were being creepy maniplulative dicks to one of them's boyfriend. Ugh. Hugs to everybody else, too.
