one more year in a frustrating school please send help

Okayyyyyyy

Short story:
I went to school yesterday, some shit happened, I snuck out to the counselor's office, cried for fucking ever, me talked about solutions to the shit that happened, proposed it to mme, she is a little shit, I cried more after she left, I got back for one class and gym, ate lunch, then with permission from counselor, went home.

Long story:
I went to school yesterday. I was pretty happy, pretty good. I got there and mme had a list of people on the board who had to give her their iPad. (The iPads are technically the school's) my name was on it. They wanted to fix my cracked screen. I don't care about getting that fixed, but I also don't trust my school with being nice and considerate. I've heard horror stories about the tech guys just getting a new iPad and putting all the apps you had on it again, (losing any progress or data they had in them originally.
Regardless of whether or not they do do that, I don't fucking trust them.

I freaked out, because at the moment my computer is broken, and they said I had to give it to them that morning.
I would be completely cut off from kintsugi
I would lose all my Christmas lists

I went and asked mme if I had to get my screen fixed, since I don't care about the screen.
She proceeded to tell me that yes I did have to because it isn't mine it's the school's and the wanted it fixed and yes you have to
I nodded blankly and went back to my spot.
I was flipping the fuck out at this point in panic, and sent a panicked email to my mom with a picture of the letter they gave me, with the title: HELPHELPHELP
Then after freaking out a bit more, I thought about who could help me who would understand that I neeeeeed to be able to check kintsugi............the counselor.
So I snuck out of class before class technically started, and went to her office.
Luckily for me, she was there and didn't have someone, so I knocked, and almost in tears, asked if I could talk to her.
Cue me sobbing and telling her and crying more and more and more.
She asked if as long as I had a way to get to the Internet, I would be okay.
At this point I hadn't thought about my stored iPad specific stuff, and generally agreed.
I could probably deal so long as I could talk to ya'll
I dont remember exactly what we proposed to mme, but I think it was something along the lines of
"Imo needs to be able to access her online communities, and as her home laptop is not working currently, she has been using this. Is there a way to get Imo's ipad back by the holidays, or to supply her with a temporary one while this one is getting fixed?" -Counselor
"well we dont have extras, and the ipad is school property. we can postpone fixing it, but it will have to go soon." - Mme
after some arguing back and forth, I think the arrangement was not sending it in until my home computer was fixed.
mme wet back to class, and me and consellor talked more, about other things too, and I told her that I really wasn't feeling up to doing anything today, at least not around my classmates, or mme. she said that I could try going for as much as I could, but that I could go home at lunch if I still felt like that by lunch.

I went back to class, did no fucking work whatsoever, then we had outside gym, which was spent with one friend talking about why a certain classmate wsas soooooo against non-straights (friend I was talking to is that classmates best friend, and knows about my not straightness, classmate had been talking right before gym about how gays were wrong and awful (in front of me I might add, but she didn't know I wasn't straight))
ate lunch with same friend, but did talk to some others, and went down to talk to counselor, because I didn't know how I was leaving. Could I just walk out?
I asked a friendly small children teacher if she could tell counselor that I wanted to see her, and she came out and said that I should call my house and ask my brother to come pick me up (he is 18). By the time I got to the phone I had managed to completely forget what I was supposed to say, but I asked bro for permission to come home, because I thought that was what I needed.
I go back to the staff room, and this time a less than pleasant teacher is goin in, and I ask her to tell mme jennifer that I need to talk to her. (this is the renownedly awful teacher who is a complete bitch to everyone) she says that okay but Mme jennifer is eating her lunch, and that i should wait till after lunch.
I lock the fuck up,
but manage to get out the words "mme jennifer wanted me to getr her after I called"
other teacher harrumphs and goes and gets her
mme jen comes out and asks if my brother is coming to pick me up (i feel like an idiot and want to cry because how could i have forgotten that was what I needed to ask) I tell her that he cant drive yet, and the walk from my house ifs 20m, and if it is allowed for me to just walk home.
she asks the principal with a small duck into the staff room, who says its fine.

I walk home, sis has a friend over, we talk and laugh and stuff.
I attempt to fix the cooling fan of my computer, but none of the screwdrivers are small enough to get the back off.
when dad gets home he flips out because that computer isnt mine and i cant just diesemble a work computer.
I deal with it, and then go to my room with only my sketchpad (which I had already been holding) and fucking sob for like an hour (some of the lowlights include me sobbing over how I own literally nothing, and everything I have could be taken away if people wished it, and how I just wanted too own these things that are so important to me. I need to have my own computer. because then there is no sharing. there are no takesy backsyes from the original owner. It is mine and stays that way.
I proceed to eat waaaaaaay too many sunflower seeds (the only snack in my room) and do more character building for a collegestuck au I have in my head.
eventually I work up the courage to go get my stuff from the livingroom, and then I retreazt to my room again.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay so.
tha tis what happened yesterday
it was fucking awful
dont want to go back to shcool tomorrow or friday
but I need materials for a school project due first thing after break
also my schedualed appointment with mme jen is timorrow. but I can t face mme right now, and I dont want to tell her that whil my old computer isnt fixed, dad got a new used one, so I have internet access, but not any of the files i need, or any reliable dumping ground for the contents of my ipad.
I cant face mme yet
I can I cant I cant I cant I dont Want to at all ever again I hate that school I hate those teachers I hate it I hate it I hate it (cept jennifer) hate hate hate hate
leae me alone I dont want to go to this fucking shcool anymore I want to be an adult who makestheir own decisions but who also doesnt need a job yet but has a house to themselves (or apartment)
In one of my saddest moments last night I came up with ideas for how I could "pay" rent if I stayed with someone, by like, making snack food and cutting vegetabkes and doing laundry and catsitting, commissions and-
its all dumb
I cant leave and become an adult at almost 14
but I dont feel like a kid anymore
I have close to the exact same brainshits as my 23 y o sister
I want t not have to rely on other people for food, money, housing, and all my other important things

I dont wanna go back to shcool tomorrow
at all
I dont want to go back whatsoever
but specially not this week
at times like these I wish m counsellor was seperate to school
cause if she was I would totally go to the appointment but not school
but she isnt, and I cant
I am considering fuckig skipping entirely
we talked on monday, (in crisis, ut stfu me)

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

II feel like such shit
help

 

Witnessed.

Also for now, you can simply not tell the school about the used laptop. If they do find out/ask, enlist the helpful counselor to explain that you still need to be able to move the data off your tablet.
Slightly more long term, see if you can acquire an external hard drive, and copy all your important data to it.

 

thing is, they didn't SAY that everything was going to be wiped.
I just don't trust that they wont :\

(note: a friend of mine had a different issue with hers, and they DID say was going to be wiped. (Im just a paranoid bitch who doesnt like this school))

I have started copying everything to this used computer, at least for now.
I think if push comes to shove I'll put the documents onto a usb key, but I currently dont have one, so :/
Ive been using picassa to keep all my pictures, and thats been good
exceot for the ones on my previous computer. >:(

 

They don´t have to. If they make you give the tablet, they are removing your access to the data. Which you can probably argue that you need for school work.
Definitely get an usb key and start backing data up though.

 

Urrrrgh
I found out some things okay,

Counsellor email address
Pajama day Friday, with cinnamon buns and eggnog, with a winter dance during the afternoon, only for people who are done their homework.
We are baking geometrical gingerbread things tommorow, and putting them together Thursday, (a day I wasn't supposed to go)

Homework
Buncha things to get signed, apparently they all got handed out today or yesterday afternoon. I have one of them.
Buncha math stuff

Bluh

I might go then tommorow, cause baking
Idfk

 

Could some more peeps please give some advice? I don't know what to do and have to decide for tomorrow.

 

Which thing(s) do you specifically need advice for? Kinda confused here.

 

Yeah. sorry about that, all the stuff has been super panicky writing, and all jumbled. :\

Mostly like, do I go tomorrow yes or no, friday yes or no, and how do I act, do I 'conveniently forget' my ipad at home (i never said this upthread, but it is technically an option)

Other things: (probably less urgent.. Kinda)
How do i act around mme
I am really shit at reading her, and I felt really hurt by the stuff she said, but I was also pretty upset already, was she really not the bad? (mme as in class teacher, not counsellor)

Should I go tommorow for appointment with mme jen, or should I go friday for fun activities for most of the day, or should I go both like im supposed to?

What should I tell mme jen about computer situation. She is, by job description, not supposed to tell anyone about what i say, and she hasn't so far, except times where ive asked her to talk instead of me.
so should I tell her about how I have internet access, but still ask for my ipad over Christmas break (I can add that part of my december reading project ison it (and althought technically that part is done I could use it to my advantage with keeping the ipad))

I suppose I should tag you since you asked @Morven

 

Don't tell her about the computer. It's something that can be taken away from you too. Have backup. And it's bullshit that they have no spares. But do tell her about the reading project.

It does sound like you need a bit of a break so perhaps taking one of those days off is good IF it wouldn't get you in a bunch of trouble.

 

Which her are we talking about? Counsellor or "teacher" teacher?
So do I tell mme jen my reading project is on there, do I say Im done or not (done that part, I still have a diorama to build heh)

I wouldnt get in trouble, but there is worthwhile things each day, but also I am currently in a "I hate my classroom teacher" mood..
Also how long have you been reading my thread, and do you already know about my days off scheduale with the school because I cant do fulltime school rn for brainshit reasons

 

I'd say definitely not your classroom teacher, but possibly not your counsellor either; if you do tell her, emphasize that you can't be sure of keeping access to that computer.

I figured you had some kind of day off schedule because of that. I think basically is, is what you hate going to be so bad that it'll wipe out the enjoyment from the worthwhile things, given your mental state right at this moment?

 

Yeah.
I think I am also going to bring up scheduling january and february in for days, at least tentative days
But I did that last time with class teacher, and she gave me calander papers with the things she knew were going to happen throughout the month(s)

You ask difficult questions :P
I think, it'll be harder for me to talk to mme, and I'll have to take more time to psyche myself up to do it, which considering that I need supplies from her, might be a bit harmful.
I think if I stuck around my friends during baking and everything else, id be good (and happy), because she wouldnt bring things up in front of them (I hope)
What do I say if she asks me if my computer is fixed? She wont take a "no" she'll want to know why. (both will probably od that, which was why I was considering not lying to mme jen, but maybe I could say "dad hasnt gotten the part yet, but he's trying" to classroom teacher.

 

Reasons I'd have to go talk to her

• homework from today, nad for thursday, because I need to be done all of it in order to go to the dance/the rest of the activities friday
• materials for december reading project (I have already broached the subject on monday, so hopefully I can do this one pretty easily)
• ask for print out calendars for jan and feb (I technically dont have to do this one, but it would be very useful)
• ask about that french paper I asked about last week, that she said she'd explain later and never did
• probably other things im forgetting

 

I see your dilemma; that's a lot of useful stuff.

About the tablet, I would assume that if they take it they'll wipe it. There's a good chance.

 

yea

I just conflicted because some people had warnings saying they'll wipe it.
Mine didnt, but im paranoid.

Unfucking fortunately I found out that this computer dad brought? has like no storage space left.
Its almost completely full
luckily like 7/8 of my pictures are stored on a website (PIcasa ftw)
but like sheesh dad

 

I wish I had been given more specifics, like
"you can have it over break, we'll figure out when you get it fixed after break.
But no, (i forgot to add this earlier) mme said "we were taking them now because then they miss the least school, and after all they are tools to be used as school tools)
fuck you mme

Also like the fuck happened to me remembering tings wel?
I am having a hard time remembering what anyone said exactly yesterday
like I cant remember exactly what the arrangements were about the ipad
which means i cant deduce from that if mme will bug me about whether the computer is fixed or not
like if she had said after break we;ll work it out, i would have one less big thing to worry about tomorrow
ut if she said "when your computer is fixed" Id have to worry about her badgering me for if it is fixed
so sick of crying

I want this week to be over.
We have a dance friday for people done their homework
i dont like the dances, but its basically sitting in a dark corner thinking, or socialise with people and have some fun talking
both of which would be pretty okay rn, cause neither includes mme


imma go work on homework now

 

hye look, its me!

venting, but also looking for advice
mostly on the latter half
-----------
hwy does school have to be a thing. hwy so early.
why.
i dont want to go to school today.
but I know that if i skip today, ill have to go tomorrow so i still have 2+1/2 days this week.
but I know that mme will be slightly snippy at me for ignoring the one text she sent me.
sorry, but getting texts about v uncomfortable topics makes my mental health fucking plummet
and i needed to do homework this weekend
which doesnt happen when i feel like shit
so i ignore your texts, hoping to forget about them
because i dont want to think about that rn
but that is cowardly but that makes sense seeing as im a coward
and this thing has a time limit but like
i do not want to think about it please dont make me but it also has a time limit so i have to think about but i so dont want to oh fuck dont make me pleease

okay so fun fucking facts.
there is an exchange for the grade eights of my school.
we get exchange partners fro quebec (im in manitoba)
they come here for a week in february, and we go htere for a week in april
now, partners stay at the other one's house
mme and me decided that i couldnt fucking deal with that, so she said alright, you'll make a group of three, then you can still do whatever activities you want, but they'll go home with the other one.
htat made sense
i liked that plan
howfuckingever
mme says last week some time
"hey wht if you have your own partner but she doesnt go home with you?"
I was intensly uncomfy with that
and explained it to her and my counselor like this
being partners is like being a double planet. if one vanishes the other would be majorly affected
being in a group of three for this is more like being a satelite to a double planet, the satelite could disapear but only minor differences would happen to the planets
mme said that made sense, but told me to "tihnk about it" because the qubec school has more students than us and lots of people have to have multiple partners
also the chick she was gonna match me with wouldnt stay at my house because her mom is chaperoning their school, so they are gonna stay together in a teacher's house.
i just. dont want to have a partner really
because i dont want to deal with all of that stuff
but also i dont want to do half the things we're doing with them
but i cant say that because its the things htat require work that i dont want to do
but i do totally want to go to the forks and wander for the morning, and get people souvenirs
and i want to go to the zoo even though ive already been there once, because its fun and lighthearted and i dont get to be that ver often
cause im fucked up
and awful and sad and numb all the time except for outward stimulation
reading or watching things? full emotions
anything else? at best some anger or frustration or sadness
ugh
i have to stop typing now
and get ready for schoool
i dont want to go
i dont want to
at all
i dont fucking WANT to

i a whiny brat no wonder noone likes me