Good news: cosplay armor construction went really well and most of what's left to do is detail work. Bad news: I stayed up until 2am and now I have to drive 750 miles in the freezing rain that I can hear lashing against the windows. I have regrets. :/
Good news: we're having the traditional new year's/christmas dinner with friends of my parents' and it's going to be delicious. Bad news: my brother is here.
good news: my qp just said he wants to kiss me!!!!!! bad news: I have zero kissing experience! I'm probably going to fuck it up somehow! I am also really nervous about it!
@alex in my experience, kissing is kind of weird until your brain clicks that "ohhh this is good" and then, despite the fact that you're doing the exact same thing, it's now fun and sometimes sexy. don't do the bitey-lip thing right off the bat. also don't kiss like they kiss in movies, where you eat their face. that's usually dumb, or only reserved for super hot and heavy. just, like ... mwah. you'll get the hang of it.
@alex np! also, i thought of another thing - eyes are super weird. most of the time they end up closed when you are kissing otherwise it is like HELLO YES I AM KISSING YOU which, while true, can be a bit awkward. go slow! there is nothing wrong with kissing other bits of your kissing partner's face. also smile and have fun because kissing is nice. if you are too focused on "yes i must kiss you well and rightly" then you will not have fun. giggle if you miss where you were aiming for, or bonk heads. boop noses too! that can be really intimate and nice.
@alex when the boyo and i were first figuring out kissing there was a lot of suction, which was kinda weird, so despite the term, do not attempt to 'suck face'. also do not be shy to say if something is just plain not working for you; qp wants you to have fun as much as you want them to (idk why, but frenching remains offputting to me, so we just don't) cheek & corner of the mouth kisses are also v nice
okay, these are all good things to know! especially because like....I am kind of very nervous about fucking it up somehow by not doing the kissing thing right? so it is reassuring to know what to do if that happens. and also good to know to not focus on that too much.
*thumbs up* kissing is weird. it is not like the movies. why we think kissing in movies is super hot is beyond me because if you kiss someone like that you just get a mouthful of face. and if your partner has facial hair that can be kinda weird. OH IMPORTANT. dental hygiene is important. brush your teeth.
Bad news: ugh I have to go to the SUPERMARKET for New Year's groceries and clean up my HOUSE for the New Year's party! Good news: I'M HOSTING THE NEW YEAR'S PARTY :D :D
Today I met one of my bosses and hated him instantly! He's micromanaging, condescending, overbearing, rude in a way that he probably thinks is just "forthright" or something, and he lies to homeless people about when special half-price takeout deals end (or at least, I saw him do it, and i doubt it's a one-time thing because he's an ASSHOLE). Good news: I'm transferring to a different department in like three days so I can be as surly and uncooperative to him as I want with little consequence until then >:D (I won't probably, because i'm aware it would be a bad idea even if i am transferring and at the very least it could make my coworkers' lives harder, but at least i don't have to pretend to like the guy.) JOKE'S ON YOU JERKFACE, TELL ME YOU'LL "FIND ME SOMETHING TO DO" LIKE I CAN'T SEE WHAT NEEDS DOING ONE MORE TIME... *snarls* whoops turned into a mini ventpost. but I'm seriously relieved I won't have to work under this guy. From what I can tell everyone I work with dislikes him too.
Bad news: I was in a car accident last night. Another driver ran a red light right in front of me and I couldn't stop in time to avoid hitting them. My car is not drivable. Good news: I'm OK, the other driver is OK, and this is what I have insurance for. Bad news: The amount of spoon-eating crap I suddenly have to deal with is so overwhelming that I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.
Bad news: Estate agent called my bf and told him the sellers of the house we're trying to buy are on the verge of pulling out unless we acquiesce to them screwing us over re: new front door installation. We had to give in and agree. Good news (?): Money has started being moved around and hopefully we'll complete at the beginning of next week. Which means I'm one step closer to escaping the 7ft x 7ft, uninsulated, mould ridden room without a door I currently live in.
Bad news: There's a good chance I'm going to have to move back in with my parents in a couple months. I love my parents and all, and we get along pretty well ... when we don't have to put up with each other for long stretches of time. Hopefully it won't turn into a long-term thing. Good news: They finally made it possible to buy bus passes in my area from your phone! This is super useful, and will make getting around a lot easier.
good news: former coworker answered my text about hanging out! i am not the worst at texting, she just had a busy weekend (haha, social anxiety, you were wrong) bad news: hangouts will be at some undetermined future point because she is busy af (but they will happen!)
good news: had a useful therapy session yesterday. metaphors and strategies for dealing with anxieties somehow tangented over to a wording and realization i hadn't previous had on a conscious level before: bad news: emotions are awful. with thoughts, there's things i can do. like programming, like fixing a domino chain: if i look at thoughts and go wait, this step is flawed, and work at it, i can replace the flawed thought with a more-true one, and fix things. it takes a lot of work sometimes, to haul things around and wiggle the flawed thing out of the rut it's buried in, especially since sometimes a thought is a support beam holding up a lot of other things, but it's doable. with emotions, it's not like moving around the supports of a big construction. emotions are fluid, emotions are water. trying to shovel water out of a leaking boat. and i have that But I Need To Do Something, because if i do nothing, and people criticize me for being wrong, it's awful it's awful it's the worst thing, it's like i'm breaking. with thoughts, i can listen intently to what they say, and ask clarifying questions, and try to grok the difference, and take the part of their worldview into my mind. then i can incorporate it, then i can control it, then i can make it part of me so it no longer presses against me like an intrusion. but with emotions, you can't do that. or i don't know how to do that. it seems i have to learn to accept the turmoil. to accept that occasionally the tide is high and i can't touch the bottom and i just have to tread water in stormy waves, and people will fly by with boats and splash me and make everything choppier and harder to breathe in, and they'll yell at me and expect me to do things like i'm in a boat too, except my boat's sunk to the bottom because it was too much for me to keep shoveling it all out, and i have to... let that be. mindfulness is hard. good news redux: it's hard, and a lot of people know it's hard, and there's a lot of strategies various people have come up with for doing the thing. so i can practice and improve the habit of doing it.
good news: warm, roof over head, food in fridge, internet keeping me sane. bad news: no furniture, no way to get furniture, joints from jaw to hips are screaming and my neck is a mess from a week of floor laying all day. Anxious because we have to just sit and wait regarding the Ohio Health resume Nate sent to all the hospitals for another 1-3 weeks and it's driving me bonkers. general spending on money makes me ache a lot. good news tho: pain or not i'm finally able to draw again and talk to friends and my cat lays on my aching parts trying to help. nate also laughs with me when we get up off the shitty inflate bed in the mornings when its deflated more and needs to be refilled, and we laugh like kids all afternoon back and forth and show our laptops to each other. bad news tho: my jaw ow ow ow, and the jaw is making the mouth of bad teeth hurt more. fucking ouch.
good news: I voted! bad news: I can't get my parents to fucking vote. they will bitch and moan all day about how Trump and Clinton are the worst and how much it would suck if they got the nominations and how Bernie is the only one they will tolerate but they don't want to fucking vote for him in the primaries. My step-dad thinks the president is just a figurehead and it doesn't matter who is elected, my mom won't vote for Sanders because he's not sure if he "stands for her values" when everything she says she wants is part of his platform! He's just a liberal and she's a conservative and wouldn't vote for someone who wasn't a fundie. I sincerely, with all of my heart, hope that I don't have to hear any whining out of them if Hilary and Trump win.
bad news: my father lost his job. good news: he hated the job, it was not what he was told it would be and he had a terrible boss. he actually persuaded them to fire him. now he is excitedly looking at other jobs. hopefully he can find one that's actually what he wants to do.
Bad: I'm already at the toneless-droning stage of exhaustion and I'm about to go babysit a nurseryfull of screaming children for two or more hours. Good: I am going to get paid money for doing this. Also probably multiple church friends will give me heartfelt thanks. This happens every time and is perplexing and mildly worrisome but also sort of gratifying. Here's hoping I don't slip up, let the noise level increase too much, and then bluescreen like I did the other night. Fake Update: It is 8.50 p.m. The service is supposed to end in ten minutes but will in fact go on for more than an hour longer. There are eighteen children here, and only five of them will even momentarily sit still and watch a movie. One boy is upside-down in a corner; judging by his earlier behaviour I believe he is trying to get comfortable so he can go to sleep. We have run out of craft supplies. The children are screaming. (It wasn't that bad and I had a good helper. Somebody should totally write a Childcare Gothic post up though.)
