shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

"So what does that do?"

 

You I like.

 

I could steal you.

 

Eet meks os jägerkin. Der vunz vot survive eet.

 

"So how are Jagers different from humans after they drink the Brau?" Ford smiles. "You look different, but I'm sure there's more to it than that."

 

Please don't?

 

But you seem so unhappy.

 

Ve are stronger und fester, und ve heel better. Und odderwise, ve get der clawz und fengs, bot sum ov os get der tailz, or hornz, or tusks. Eeez deeferent for efferyvun.

 

Wasn't this a 'colony world' that already had inhabitants?

 

...No. [A rebel sympathist? Faustite revises her statement.] Not especially. A few species of the local lifeforms had barely managed the rudiments of agriculture, let alone even approaching spaceflight. If we allowed some sentimentality for "life" to deter our expanse... I'm sure the majority of established worlds had some variety of lichen or another on them.

 

A simple question for perhaps a simple gem. Could it talk?

Lichen is not an interesting conversational partner.

 

Opening with an insult. No wonder rebel movements are so... popular. And successful.

That being said, yes, I suppose several dozen species had developed adequately coherent methods of communication, for rather rudimentary conversation. Happiness. Sorrow. Fear. Perhaps the ability to describe their functions in their group systems. An... entertaining diversion, for a few years or decades, but nothing more. [Remembers who she's speaking with. Smiles.] Nothing more, to me. I suppose your perspective would differ.

 

YOU'RE JUST HAVING TERRIBLE LUCK WITH ADULT MONSTERS!!! I PROMISE, NOT ALL OF US WOULD MAIM ANYBODY!

NOT SERIOUSLY.

I MEAN, PLAY FIGHTS, FOR SHOWING OFF COOL MOVES, ARE A THING.

 

Hey, what the hell was I even supposed to say, Pap? Dodge her question? Lie to her? Go back in time to change my entire life so I never meet Turner? Seriously, what do you recommend?

 

I HAVE NO ADVICE TO GIVE YOU! THE FIRST TIME I TRIED TO INJURE A HUMAN UNTIL I COULD SUBDUE AND CAPTURE THEM, I LOST AND WE BECAME VERY GOOD FRIENDS!!! AND I WAS ABOUT AS FORTHRIGHT ABOUT MY INTENTIONS AS YOU WERE.

MAYBE CLOVER IS JUST PRICKLY?

 

Are you kidding me? You don't know how the hell you messed up there?!

Look. You don't talk to a kid about how you plan to hurt another kid, not unless you're saying it as a threat against the one you're talking to.

That was way too much information for somebody you just met and want to get along with!!

 

I thought the fact that I wasn't gonna do it to her, and probably wasn't gonna do it to Turner either would help. *sighs* But apparently not.

 

But... she asked me about Turner, and wouldn't lying or dodging the question also be a mistake?

And well, it just slipped out at first, so maybe that shouldn't have happened, but well... dunno what I could've done about that.

 

I'm not a part of any movement. I just don't like what our society has become. Our law is nothing but brute force and most of the gems on the Homeworld seem to be miserable now. Sometime during the last ten thousand years, everything changed.

Or maybe it was always sand and rubble. I don't know. I'd like to believe the Diamond Authority had some purpose at some point in the past. Some purpose that wasn't "wipe out everything that's not a Gem" or "crush all Gems that aren't perfect."

 

The dangers of dice:
rolling critical failures.
gets ya every time.