...Not to minimise my problems when I go to beg a doctor for anti-depressants this friday? It's not my usual GP because she doesn't work fridays, it's some random guy I've never met, and thus hasn't had me in his office begging for therapy previously. He should have access to my records that say that my usual doctor referred me to the mental health folks, but I'm still worried. Because, well. I'm both incredibly hung up on accuracy and really bad for assuming that my problems don't count if someone else has it worse, which means my perception of how bad I do have it is really skewed because it defaults to 'you're not abused and you've never actively tried to commit suicide, you're fine'. If I'm in a bad place already I will literally get angry at people for trying to point out that I'm not a useless monster sucking attention away from people who need it, while also simultaneously getting angry at them if they don't seem to be caring about me enough. Though that's in extreme bad places, I might add. And my brain is now fiercely telling me that of course I don't fucking do that, I'm just exaggerating to get sympathy and try and get people to tell me that my problems matter more than the problems of someone who's trapped in an abusive household and actively suicidal. It's guilt-tripping me about this. I love my brain. Anyway yeah I'm basically afraid that I'll go in to talk to this doctor and do my best to explain why I'd really like to try some chemical solutions aroundabout now and then he'll either seem really skeptical that i need pills (because I also have the ability to appear perfectly calm and positive and rational and normal when you first meet me; even my usual doctor once observed that 'you don't seem depressed to me', though thankfully she listened anyway) which will make me second-guess that I need pills because here's a doctor saying that i don't, or he'll seem sympathetic and understanding and then I'll panic and start downplaying everything because now I'm taking advantage of this nice doctor man who ought to be focussing on people with cancer or some shit. I'm not even sure exactly what I'm asking for by making this thread, I think I just needed to put it all out here somewhere.
goes the extremely direct route: Do Not Miminize Your Problems When You Go To The Doctor For Anti-Depressants (hopefully that doesn't come off as too scary or anything, 'cause i was going for Emphasis In Order To Make Sure You Remember, not making you shit your pants)
Maybe writing a note ahead of time would work, describing your symptoms? Then, you can't panic in the moment and sabotage yourself.
The only trouble with that is that I end up downplaying everything in the note as well. xP But it's a good idea that I will probably do.
I HAVE MEANT TO POST ON THIS THREAD SAYING HOW THINGS WENT LIKE THREE TIMES AND EVERY TIME I FORGOT @Emma thank you for caring enough to ask! cough It went really really well, actually! Part of that might have been because I'd wound myself up so tight about it all that I was pretty obvious crazy anxious- jittering, talking really fast, not looking at the dude at all. I explained in probably unnecessary detail my history of recent attempts to get my head looked at, and he did encourage me to go back to try and get CBT again, but he also said that he thought I would probably benefit from both therapy and medication, and prescribed me citalopram on the spot. He was very nice about it, actually. I've only taken two doses of the stuff as yet and have been Solemnly Informed by both the doctor and the pharmacist that it takes a while to kick in, so. But I've been p positive these last few days regardless, probably because finally another thing to try out we might be getting somewhere.
I'm laff (ironically) because I'm on escitalopram, which is the patent-evergreened version of citalopram. The drug works both for depression and anxiety. Here's hoping it works for you. If not, maybe the drug itself isn't wrong, just not enough. Glad to hear things are moving forward for you tho.
Good to hear :D Wrt to the Citalopram: side effects generally kick in before effects do. I hope you have another appointment with your doctor in about two weeks to evaluate? The citalopram still won't have kicked in by then, but at least the side effects will have mostly shown themselves, and you can see how they are affecting you. Unfortunately the effects take about six weeks. Good luck with it :)!
Yup, well, I have to be responsible for making that follow-up appointment but I have it written down and I should remember. Not noticed anything yet but it's super early days, fingers crossed I won't wake up in the morning dead or something. xP
Here's hoping that you wake up one morning soon with that interesting sensation that you are Feeling A Little Better. :)
