shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

I know you're not. Those sentences of yours just sounded really suggestive, that's all.

*grins* The multiverse is full of awesome surprises like that, isn't it?

 

Does anything not sound suggestive to you?

And yes, the multiverse is full of awesome surprises.

 

*laughs* Yeah. I just don't comment on the stuff that doesn't. I mean, unless it's not suggestive 'cause they're failing at flirting or something. Then I might give them some constructive criticism, get them to improve their flirting, make it more suggestive. Otherwise... nah.

 

Most things that other people think sound suggestive do not sound suggestive to me.

(This gets me in a lot of awkward situations.)

How do you learn to recognise 'suggestive'? I don't want to turn into someone who makes terrible jokes all the time (I already do that, they're just about science).

I just want to recognise when people are flirting with me (so I can warn them off) before my wife does.

 

Humans make things so complicated. If you like her, give her a dead teckla. If she rejects it, go away. If you don't go away, it's your own fault when she eviscerates you.
That's not exactly helpful, you know.

I never managed that myself. But then, the first time I met my wife was when she killed me.

I got better.

 

The first time I met my wife we were in a lecture hall together and she asked the best questions of anyone there.

As the semester progressed I discovered that everyone who hated her was a complete fucking idiot.

We had a number of entertaining laboratory accidents.

Then I went looking for a cursebreaker because I needed to stop getting possessed and the cursebreaker turned out to be her.

Which was problematic. I was already half in love with her, I'd just never actually talked to her before. And she asked me to tutor her in the subjects she had trouble with in lieu of payment because she knew I was broke and I needed to get a metal plate put into my head (which she couldn't do). And she was in love with me, too.

We couldn't do anything about it while I was still getting possessed so we worked out our frustration by making each other's enemies even more miserable than we were. After the problem was more or less taken care of people decided we had got married over semester break and we just didn't correct them. Some years later we needed a marriage certificate so we went and got one.

 

At least you did things in the right order. We fell in love, got married, and just assumed we knew each other well - two Easterners in the heart of the Dragaeran Empire, killers for hire because that was the only way an Easterner could get any kind of respect - what more did we need to know? But we had very different ideas about what could be done about our world.

 

Sometimes I think that one of the reasons things have worked out so very well for Lise and me over the past 25 years is that we are not technically even the same species. Making assumptions was a thing we just couldn't do until we actually did understand each other. Now I actually do know what all those little eyeblinks and earflicks mean...and sometimes I still ask, anyway. Sometimes even if you know what the answer is, it still feels good to hear it.

 

There may be something to that. My current lady friend is an Issola, and if ever there was a House where you can't just assume that you know what they're thinking, it's that one. Ever seen an issola - the wading bird, not the Dragaeran - in action? One moment everything's calm, with the issola sitting there looking like being beautiful is all it's meant to do - and then in a blink a fish has been speared by that sharp, graceful beak of theirs - and then in the next moment the fish is gone and it's just sitting there, quietly beautiful again.
I felt a flash of quiet amusement from Lady Teldra. Yes, that includes you.

 

Ah.

My wife is a humanoid feline. Very humanoid, at first glance, except for pointed ears that are mobile and sit a little higher on her head than someone else's might. But then you notice the pounce in her step and the way she jumps, and the way her ears flick back and forth, and the sounds she makes...her people are graceful and beautiful, too, but you'd be a fool ever to forget for a minute that they're obligate carnivores and apex predators. At heart she's one of the wisest, gentlest and most loving women, but if you threatened me or one of our kids or anyone else in our family...

 

*walks quietly into the room, brushing up against Stanford gently and deliberately, turning her face up to his and touching the tip of her nose to his when he leans down to greet her, her eyes half-closed*

Are you singing my praises again, best-beloved? You're going to make me vain.

*turns to Vlad and nods* I am Valiska Pines, and in case he hasn't introduced himself, this is Stanford Pines, my mate.

 

If she'd been Dragaeran, I'd guess her House to be Dzur, not just from her looks but from Stanford's description. But she looked more like an Easterner ("I don't think this place has an East, Boss") and he'd called her "humanoid"; an interesting word, and one the Dragaerans - who consider themselves the only "humans" on our world - would likely take offense to.

I was looking forward to using it in front of Morrolan or Aliera when I got back.

Pleased to meet you. I'm Vlad Taltos, the jhereg is my familiar Loiosh, and my other companion is Lady Teldra.

 

@Vlad Taltos
Greetings. My, isn't that an excellent creature*pointing to the dragon*
((Sorry I havent posted in a few days, I have been on vacation and i was really busy))

 

@Vlad Taltos
So many new people, I can't keep up. Muffin?

 

I agree. But, I'll be there if ya need me pal.

 

Ugh Where Do These New Weirdoes Even Keep Coming From?

 

Thank you! And I don't know, it just never came up?

Rhetorical question?

(You wave at Vlad) Hullo! I'm one of Valiska's and Stanford's kids, by the way. Name's Oneira.

 

Yes But if You Have An Answer, Do Enlighten Me.

 

*preens and gives Starkiller an approving look* This one's got excellent taste.

((jheregs are small winged carrion-eating lizards with human-level intelligence thanks to gene-tweaking aliens with an odd sense of humor; Vlad's world has dragons too, which are much larger. Loiosh would be amused to be compared to them. Normally only Vlad and Loiosh can hear each other, but the 4th wall is thin here :) ))

Thank you. I've never had one of these before, but it's quite good. I'll have to tell the street vendors I know about this when I get home.

Pleased to meet you! I've never met one of your kind before, but I'm beginning to sense that my world is more isolated than it thinks.

I don't know about anyone else, but I stepped through a necromantic gate. This wasn't where I meant to end up, but apparently it's where I need to be.

 

And Why Would You Need To Be Here?