shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

please, i respect a man with a taste for robots.

we've all done something stupid when we were young. Us old men got to stick together.

Valiska or I.

 

*laughs*

That's true. I would have just had to do my multidimensional paradigm theory a little longer. Given how long it took me to get out of the portal and out of the Flatlands...I might have actually met Valiska sooner.

Maybe not too much sooner though. She was only 21 when I met her...

You know, you idiot, if I had got that scholarship I would have found a way to get you out West eventually *eyeroll*.

 

Yes, yes he is.

Absolutely.

*grins*

 

There's two of you?!?!? *eyeroll*

As I said in the note I left in your house, Sixer, you dog. You were what, 36? And she was 21. I don't want to know how low you would've gone for her.

Now I do. But not then.

 

Distressingly, there are many dimensions where that does not work.

 

He would probably have been willing to wait rather a long time. Me...not so much.

 

what is so hard about stabbing them with swords or throwing them into a black hole? Works for some people.

 

I didn't happen to have either a sword or a black hole available at the time. I did however have a baseball bat and my little niece's karaoke machine.

 

See How Handy A Blackhole Bomb Would Be, Standford?

 

Valiska...I have been in awe of you since the day we met, and it is very true that your allure (and your wards, thankfully) were stronger than your common sense.

But I was properly afraid of your mother until the day she died. Your mother threatened to call up the demiurge that cursed me and feed me to him personally if I did you wrong when you were 21, not that I cared about that because I would rather have died than hurt you at any point in your life or mine. If you had been 16 I would have courted you in utter chastity until she decided she liked me, and frankly, that might have taken even longer than it did if you had been 16.

 

It would have eaten the entire house and possibly the entire planet the house was situated on. Then I would never have met Dipper and Mabel. And, while Weirdmageddon would never have happened, you would still be on Alternia.

 

By which he means he would have stared at you with huge eyes until your mother got tired of it and told you to go put him out of his misery one way or the other. We all know who courted who, Ford.

 

wait? Do you actually have those?!!

You simply are the Han Solo of your universe.

 

Ffffft.

The only reason Ma'Devatka had a problem with you is because she consulted with me on your case and she knew what you did. If you'd showed up when I was 16 and I'd discovered hormones at something resembling a normal age, without a demon ex--she would just have extorted an incredibly large bride-price out of you.

 

Your people don't have a bride-price custom.

 

True. But you wouldn't have known that.

 

*looks very pleased with himself* Hell, yes.

I think I would've liked your mother.

 

Yeah, well...she woulda had your number, that's for sure, Stanley.

 

Nooo You Would Have Made The Right Calculations.
Okay Maybe It Wouldve Eaten Everything.
That Wouldve Kinda Sucked.

Also Thanks For Promising To Mercy Kill Me Should The Empire Get Me.

 

No I Dont But Only Because My Dad Doesnt Like Fun ,:I