What do you mean, "different people like different things"?

Oh god, me too. So nice to know I'm not alone. I suspect it's related to my anxiety but I've had this happen since well before that really became much of a thing.

 

I should add my childhood/teenhood special interest fandom gets picked on a lot. I know it's got its faults but I found it desperately hurtful as a child. I got used to that and occasionally join in (though I will still smackdown on excessive apologia on both sides of the Veil debate). I got actually physical-tension angry over some dickweeds who decided it was okay to make fun of the author's death, but I think I'm entitled to that.

 

Oh man, I'm sorry :/
I hope you can still enjoy it the way you did.
What was it, btw? Just curious, I probably haven't heard of it.

 

Redwall, and not the SAME way but I still do love it. Just with a little more affectionate ribbing these days. It has its flaws but not to the point that I'd ever be okay with mocking the author's death. Good thing I wasn't a member of that forum or I'd have embarrassed myself telling them what I thought of them...

 

Yeah, mocking someone's death is literally always a shitty thing to do. I'm glad you can appreciate it with flaws and all.

 

Man, I love Redwall, flaws and all, those were great books. Why would they mock Brian Jacques death?!?! That is such a shitty thing to do. I met the guy when I lived in London, my mom's birthday gift to me was to take me to a children's theater where he was doing q&a and a reading and I got my book signed. Guy has an incredibly presence and a dynamic personality as he spoke there I nearly jumped out of my seat when he roared the introduction of Cluny. I will never forget that afternoon it is precious. I reread his books so many times as a teen, they were a great comfort.

 

I still adore them, though these days my fandom participation is less "imagine self to be sword-wielding ferret who doesn't get in trouble for snuggling and cooing over other animals even though they have human personalities" and more "why did an ex-navy man think Felch was a good name for a fox?" (I scarred a friend by explaining that one.) It shaped a lot of my imagination and the audiobooks hooked me on Liverpudlian accents before I got into Red Dwarf. I got to go to one of his signings too, and yep, I remember the Cluny intro bit he did! Ah, memories. He was by all accounts a pretty awesome guy, too, he originally wrote the series for the blind kids he used to read to.

 

Here is to Brian Jacques, a fave that was not quite problematic, and who has brought us great joy through adventures, riddles, and mouth-watering descriptions of banquets. *raised glass*

 

*raise glass* Come to think of it, is there a thread for his works in Fan Town?

There was another charming person who somehow apparently came to the conclusion that because he used animal stereotypes in his books he had something against actual human minorities. I have no idea where this came from. In his books about humans he has people of various races who are all of varying moralities (okay, I recall a slightly dubious Arabic slaver and a demon-worshipping Romani tribe but most of the villains were European and their races weren't the things which MADE them bad people) and the Danish hero's love interest was an African ex-slave in books set in the 1600s.

 

Welp, apparently someone praising the ending of Homestuck causes the exact same feeling in me.
Which means apparently I can't accept that others like the thing I don't like, either. Who knew? I'm a crappy person too! Yayyyy....

And OF COURSE this happens 10 minutes after someone makes fun of the Star Wars prequels YET AGAIN.

Can't catch a fucking break, can I.

 

this is a thing that hits me a lot, and before I even noticed how much it hits me, I already had a kind of coping thing for it, which is:

if I personally don't like a thing that I know someone else likes, I'm really careful to tell them that a. I'm not a fan and b. it doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad or they're bad, it just means that I personally don't like it.

...I don't actually know if this helps other people, but at least it communicates that I am probably not the best person to talk at about the show/series/artist/etc, and hopefully avoids future hurt feelings of "I thought you liked it" "I just didn't want to tell you that I didn't, and I've been super bored the last 8 times we hung out".....which I have been on the receiving end of before.

I also try to be very low-pressure about showing someone a new thing. It bugs me when there is one person in a conversation who is very excited and one person who is not, and my own reactions are the only ones I can sort of control, so I try to be really chill about showing off my new things. this also, actually, helps me to be more chill when/if they go "nah not my thing", and I think makes it a little easier for them to say "nah" or "dude this is cool".

I also totally get that this is not always possible for people-it is not always successful for me, because I have gotten my feelings hurt over hamilton a few times this year because it is really hard to conceal my deep love for it. I like history and I like musicals, and music is such a big part of how I communicate that I have a big emotional attachment to how other people interpret it.

Meh.

 

I have a bad habit of making references a la Mystery Science Theatre to stuff I like when reminded of it by an entirely different thing. My taste in gory/sexual media hasn't resulted in this habit going well when I do it in front of my more conservative and/or weak-stomached friends. Mental note; gentle conservative Christian who I had to explain the term "pet play" to when he's older than I am is not a good target for references to the infamous webcomic Something Positive which started out with abortion jokes and went downhill in terms of offensiveness from there. Further mental note; total strangers are not a good target for references to Cloud Mows the Lawn. (To be fair, I was feverish and sleep-deprived when I did the latter.) I have learned to preface a lot of my explanations of my references with "you'd hate most of it but this bit is funny". Maybe that was good for me, I've learned to figure out in advance why a person may not like the thing.

 

I'm kinda... in a weird situation with this right now :/

I loved Civil War.
A friend of mine loved it.
Another friend of mine hated it.

I want to talk about how much I loved it with my friend, but if I do I'm worried I might risk making my other friend feel crappy about what she likes.
It's not the first time this happened, either.

I just want a solution to this that ends in everyone liking stuff and nobody feeling crappy and I just can't figure it out.

 

maybe talkint about civil war privately with the friend who loved it...

that solution could lead to problems, but it also means the friend who hated it won't have to hear you guys talking about loving it and won't feel crappy about what she likes as a result. also, you could talk to the friend that hates it about stuff that you both love, stuff that isn't related to civil war and won't lead to discussing it.

 

Here I was thinking there was NO WAY I would revive a thread that's over 2 months old...
And then Lars comes around.

In the Steven Universe thread, a bunch of people are REALLY uncomfortable with how much of an asshole Lars is at times.
Another bunch of people REALLY like him and want him to improve.

And they don't... yell at each other?? What? That's.... How? Why?

AHH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS WITHOUT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD BUT LIKE, to me, saying you hate a character that I like is just...

I think I'm starting to actively dislike a few people in that thread because they don't like a character I like and that's wrong of me to do and I don't know how to fix that.

 

Take a deep breath. Repeat to yourself, "I am not the things I like. People not liking something I like is not a judgment on me personally." Because it isn't. And then maybe go back and ask some questions if you're unclear on their POV. It may be that understanding where they're coming from better will help you feel less judged and attacked.

 

I'm trying to express it but I don't know how. It's becoming seriously frustrating.
On some level I feel like I am the things I like, though.
I'm sorry, @Mercury . I really am. But this is how I feel. I'm just...I'm really sorry.

I want to change this. I really do. I'm just...... AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I don't know what to do. I don't want to derail the thread.

EDIT: I posted a thing.

 

If it helps any I have trouble with this exact same thing too right now? Though perhaps it's less my liking things being me and more my liking of things is tightly tied to my personal moral code which is in turn tied to my sense of self worth.