Requesting Funny Pet Stories

i'm very fond of him :'D he's a pretty swell guy, shedding and wall-scratching and high-speed midnight adventures around the apartment aside

 

that's just him doing his job. he's patrolling and keeping you safe from, you know, things. dangerous things. like dust bunnies

 

For a while when the dogs were barking at nothing, we decided they were in fact barking at anti-turkeys. This was because of an incident where Elly went out in the yard to pee and completely ignored a great big wild turkey that had wandered into our yard, so I decided the yard is infested with anti-turkeys, and when a non-anti-turkey showed up it cancelled out.

(The actual explanation is probably that the turkey was bigger than Elliot and he had a healthy sense of self-preservation. :::PPP )

 

exactly! I'm glad you understand how this works 38D

 

HEARKEN YE TO THE TALE OF TIBERIUS THE TINY TERRORIST, THE FEARLESS, THE HUNTER OF HANDS, HE-WHO-FIGHTS-THE-WORLD

So we have a 4th cat now. He's a scrawny, scrappy little < 2lb black monster that would like the world to know that HE IS COMING FOR IT. He'll kick your ass. He'll kick anyone's ass. He'll kick his own ass. For those of you who read Boat Trolls, I'm pretty sure he's the Fluffcheep.

He was found under an overcompensatingly huge, over-lifted, RedNeck-Decal'd pickup truck in a Dick's Sporting Goods parking lot batting at--I shit you not--the TruckNutz.

When I brought him home on my lunch break, he inhaled an entire can of high-end food and screamed at me, swatting the cans, until I opened another. He passed out with his head in the second tin and a belly like a tennis ball.

Upon waking, he picked fights with

• All 3 resident cats
• The German Shepherd that is literally >50x his size
• 2 couches
• 3 armchairs
• 85% of Husband, one body part at a time
• My hands
• 1 pair of glasses
• 3 different shoes
• An entire mattress
• An entire bag of actual cat toys

Now, I should note that I don't mean he climbed the occasional chair and batted at fingers. No. This little fucker is waging full scale war.

Biting (and not just with his fangs, he tries to scissor off and eat pieces of fingers with his back teeth), clinging, scratching, kicky-feets, all-four-paws-flailing and howling battle cries the whole time. He climbed on top of the German Shepherd's kennel, leaned down into his face and growled like a diesel engine.

...but he also purrs like a bag full of ball bearings and waffle batter stuffed into a garbage disposal, (loudly) insists on a minimum of two hands for pettins at all times and sleeps as a stylish (loud) scarf.

(Pictures to follow)

 

this cat is amazing and I'm in love

 

Tibs: U WANNA FECKIN GO, MATE?!
Zee: y dis snax yell at me

Also, embarrassingly, that is Tiberius' tail fully poofed. It normally looks like a piece of string.

 

@Aviari it's a big world and he's a small cat but by glob he's going to make sure every bit of it knows he's there

kittens are fantastic like that. I got to hold kittens that were barely a few hours old, eyes still closed and small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, and every one of the fuckers hissed at me for disturbing their naps 38D

hands down best moment of my life right there

 

the family cat uh...
her name is pistache, and she adores to sleep or just lie down on, smelly shoes
perfectly content, on the really smelly shoes
anyone's shoes
she will sleep on them

aslo if she is on the bathroom bath mat, and you pet her, she meows REALLY LOUDLY
I dont entire beleive she is happy when this happens, everyone else does, but i dont think so...
anyway, yeah. :P

 

Update: The dogs are also incapable of seeing the large brown stray cat (with two kittens) which has taken up residence in a wood pile in our backyard. Or, well, Elly is. Missy got hissed at by a kitten half her size and is now scared of them. :::PPP

 

Babysitting the niblings. Nephew's high chair is precisely mouth-height to my big GSD, and this is Zee's first encounter with small children.

Zee is sitting in perfect posture, within chubby-baby-arm reach, over the chair tray full of kiddie ravioli and ignoring all of it. Instead, he's politely waiting for Nephew to shove handfuls of peanut butter cereal and noodles directly into his mouth, completely disregarding the teeth thicker than his chubby baby fingers.

Good dog. Best friend.

 

@LadyNighteyes well it got mad at her and she doesn't know why or how to make it not mad at her. poor bb!

@Aviari herding dogs are the best w kids. I grew up w bearded collies, and one of them didn't trust our mom to keep us safe in the bath, so when she'd turn around while one of us was in the bath tub as an toddler, he'd jump in the bath behind us so we wouldn't fall. the same dog also followed my sister when she was two and got out of the backyard, herded her back to the front door and stood w her, barking, until mom came to check. another of our beardies liked to make sure littles kept out of the street while playing in our neighborhood

 

Yet another Missy story: Dad's her usual ball-thrower, and he's currently out of town. Usually when he leaves town, she's WAY pushier than usual about bringing the ball for people to throw, because she's not getting her fix and is willing to start pursuing it through less-reliable and less-entertaining channels. This time, though, he's been gone for longer than he has in ages. And after a week or two, she... forgot about the ball. She's stopped bringing it to people, or frantically going looking for it after she lost it under a couch or anything. She's playing with other toys.

The exception? When Dad calls and Missy hears his voice on the phone, she immediately brings the ball.

I guess she thinks he can throw it through the phone.

 

yesterday i learned my cat, pictured here:



had learned, at some point, how to open cans. i assume because he stares at me with his pupils blown when his dinner time rolls around. i got in early bc i had morning instead of mid shift randomly for the first time in months. he is used to being fed when i get home in the evening. here it was mid-afternoon, and where was his dinner?? i had clearly come through the door. wtf was wrong?

so as i'm changing out of my work pants i hear this weird scraping sound, go around the other side of the big chair in the living room and there the little shit is with a can. he knows where they're kept. he sees me get them from the shelf when i feed him. so here he is. he hooks his claws under the pull tab and uses his mouth and nose on the rim to hold the can down while he pulls--and the fucking tab comes up about a millimeter before his claws slip out.

if he were a little stronger and his claws weren't kept quite so nubby i think his tubby ass would be popping cans open left and right. ._.

 

Perhaps not a funny pet story but-
I have a hamster. Her name is Von Pinn, Pinny or Pinn for short. My moirail is staying. We have Pinny out for her evening runaround. Suddenly the moirail looks up.
"Do you know what's another name for Pinny's claws?" he says
"No?" I say, ignorant.
"Pinn's hand needles," he says, grinning like a lunatic

...
The puns won't stop he keeps doing it, and then he gets CLEVER about it
"What does it make Pinny if you put her on your head?'
'...What'
'A hat pinn! What does it make her if you put her in your hair?'
'A hair pinn?'
'No, a very confused hamster.'

 

Rainbowbarnacle reblogged my post about this, so some people may have already seen it, but: we had one of the burners taken out of the stove to clean it. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of juice earlier, and saw... this.


I laughed so hard both my roommates who were home came out to see what the fuss was. They also started laughing. Zeus just looked vaguely baffled, like he couldn't figure out what the Tall Ones were so worked up about.

 

380 that is one v resourceful kitty!

 

He fit, so he sit. :::PPP Never mind that he's not even supposed to be on the counter. (This is the same cat who I regularly come out in the middle of the night to find on top of the cabinets where if he stood up and arched his back, he'd hit the ceiling.)

 

taking resourcefulness to new heights

 

360 notes and still nobody has realized that the reason he looks so ^w^ in that picture is that he blinked as I took it.