Out of context quotes thread

"me: SUPPORT THE WORKERS UNIONS VIVA LA REVOLUTION

cheesecake factory waiter: sir you know this isnt an actual factory righ-

me *punching him in the nose*: LONG LIVE THE WORKERS OF THE WORLD"

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, wherever I go I either end up on a wanted poster or working for the damn government. Can you blame me for deciding I wanted to choose my own boss for once?

 

You tested your gate on your granddaughter and her dog, you idiot. Now they both have tails, they both have dog ears, and they both do quantum physics.

 

But you can't negotiate with people you sometimes have to disintegrate because they don't even notice they've died.

 

"You know those people who come back from a near-death experience with no fucking brakes? He's like that, but with a death-death experience."

 

Spoiler: I swear my sister isn't a psychopath

Sister is reading the last book in a series and is very annoyed at an antagonist's habit of surviving fights that should kill him :p

 

Spoiler

Don't mind me, just making a connection in my head and laughing to myself.

 

Spoiler: nsfw

 

Spoiler: context might make it funnier

this was directed at a guinea pig

 

confused cheep