Camp Half-Blood

"I will, don't worry. My dad...can be a sore subject. But...you didn't mean to, so it's okay. I get it. It's not nearly as bad as some of the other stuff kids have said and you know it, so don't be too hard on yourself. You mean well," Adara replied.

 

Jack nodded. "Parents suck."

 

"You can say that again," Adara said emphatically, her mind now on her mom.

 

"Parents suck," Jack echoed absentmindedly. They'd needed to hitchhike hundreds of miles to get their dad to even say hello to them. Boreas wasn't a bad guy, just...well, cold. Jack knew it wasn't the worst that their fellow campers had to deal with, but it still hurt.

 

"Yeah..." Adara said with a sigh, her mind now full of memories of her mom. She was silent for several long minutes, unfocused, a frown on her face.

 

"Are you okay? Adara, hey, Adara, it's safe, you're here, I'm here. It's okay. Adara."

 

Adara blinked, jolted out of her memories at the last 'Adara', and promptly blurted out, "Jesus fucking Christ." She shook her head. "Sorry. I--I didn't mean to--I mean...I'm sorry." She sighed. Why, even now, did her mom have to get to her so badly? Last time this had happened, Jack had made the mistake of touching her, and she had smacked them before she'd realized what she was doing.

 

((Jack is they, btw))

"It's not your fault. It's definitely not your fault. And at least I didn't get hit this time, so that's a plus." They sat down on a log and motioned for Adara to sit as well. "You don't have to talk, but you should take a moment."

 

(ffffffff I've been trying so hard not to do that. I fixed it. sorry!)

Adara sighed and plopped down on the log next to Jack. "True. Last time was a bit of a disaster." She put her face in her hands, and then, voice muffled, said, "I hate everything. Well...not everything. That. I hate that." She was very careful to avoid saying she hated her mom--she didn't want to say that, not even by accident. Her mom was terrible, yes, but she didn't hate her. Maybe she never would, though she kind of wished she could.

 

Jack said, "When I ran away I thought I was going to die. I expected it. I was scared of my mother, but I didn't hate her. You're not supposed to hate you're parents, or you are but only for dumb things like not buying you a third phone or something. Surface reasons. But I was scared and couldn't hate her, and she clearly didn't want me around, not me as I am. So I figured the best thing to do would be to leave, and she'd told me so many times that if I left her or if I went against her or anything I'd die. So I thought that was it." They shifted on the log. This is the most truth they've told anyone in years, even Adara. Especially Adara.

"I don't hate her. I still don't hate her. But if she tried to take me back I'd fight with all I have, and the same if yours came. They don't deserve us. They don't deserve anything from us."

 

Adara was silent for a few minutes, processing this. Then: "...I don't know if I'd fight back if she came for me," she admitted. "I feel like it would be wrong to defy her. Even now. She never explicitly told me I'd die if I left or went against her, though she sure threatened if I went against her. I eventually just stopped resisting. It's better to just...do what she wants and not make a fuss than it is to risk being hurt, or worse. I only left because these," she indicated her wings, "grew in, and I was terrified. I thought I was a freak, I thought she was going to sell me to the government, I...I'm not sure what I thought, actually, but I was terrified of what she would do. So I left the day they came in. She didn't bother to check on me once the entire week I was in my room, did I tell you that? I was in there for a week, with bleeding, painful sores on my back, screaming in pain, and then these things finally came in, and I didn't even resent her for leaving me to suffer the entire time. Most moms would've taken their kid to a hospital; I never had a hospital visit in my life unless something was certifiably broken. But I was so scared when they came in. I thought she'd kill me, or worse. But...even now I can't hate her, I can't go against her, I can't do anything. Sometimes I find myself following her rules, doing what she would want me to do, or following the rules I made up to stay safe back when I lived with her. I didn't leave because I was ready to, or because I'd had enough, I left because I had to, and I'd go back if she came for me. I'm so scared she's going to find me someday, and I'm going to go right back to where I was."
She clenched her fists. "I hate that. I just. I feel so weak for it. She doesn't deserve anything from me, but if she asked, I'd give her anything, because I'm so godsdamned frightened of her, and because, despite all that, I still love her. I still want her to like me, still want to make her happy. I can't fucking believe myself sometimes."

 

"It's okay. You're okay. It makes sense that you're scared. It makes sense that you don't want to fight. I'm your friend; I'll fight so you don't have to. You're not weak, you've just been hurt and aren't quite fixed yet." They tap their fingers on their knee nervously. "Can I hug you?"

((It's 5 am oops good night))

 

Adara offered a small smile. "I guess that makes sense." She hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you can hug me."

(same here though, I should sleep, good night)

 

Jack leaned over and wrapped their arms around Adara, resting their chin on her shoulder and swallowing back the sob rising in their throat. She deserved better. She deserved so much better than to be scared all the time, and for so long. They felt so powerless to help. Godsdamnit, and they'd told her about their running away. She knows the truth, now, and she could -

No. Jack berated themself silently for even thinking Adara would do anything to hurt them. The truth isn't a weapon or a secret, idiot, stop thinking of it like that. Just cause you're messed up about it doesn't mean anything.

 

Adara leaned into the hug, wrapping her arms around Jack and squeezing them a bit. It was nice, having something grounding her here, especially after talking about her mom. "Hey," she said after a minute, softly so as not to startle Jack, "thanks for telling me about your whole running away thing. I won't tell anyone, okay? And I won't do anything with it." She knew what it felt like to never tell anyone that kind of thing, because you were so utterly terrified it would be used against you--she'd never told Chiron about her mom, for fear he'd send her back, though she suspected he knew things weren't as hunky-dory as she made it out to everyone but Jack. She never could fake proper happiness when talking about her made-up home where her mother was a saint and everything was fine, and she'd been forced to flee by monsters killing her mom. She also couldn't disguise a small bit of happiness when she thought about her mom dying, and maybe that made her awful, but it also meant she understood where Jack was coming from. And she wasn't going to hurt them, not in a million years, but she understood having that fear. Heck, the first time she'd told Jack anything she'd been terrified they'd go and tell someone and get her sent home or something. Granted, seconds later she'd been angry with herself for thinking that, but she knew where Jack's head was probably at right now.

 

"Yeah. Thank you." They want to say more, but the words just don't quite make it out. Instead, they lean their head gently against Adara's.

 

Adara smiled. "Yeah, of course." She waited a few minutes, enjoying the hug, then pulled away slightly and sat back, feeling better. "...Thanks."

 

Jack stood up and stretched their arms out. "We should probably head back, now."

 

Adara nodded and got to her feet. "Let us begin our journey back, then!" She pointed towards the camp. "Onward!"

 

Jack followed Adara back towards the camp, trying to figure out what time it was. Was anything going on right now? Eh, whatever. It wouldn't be the end of the world if they missed something.