First of all, look at this. 5 posts on the first page of Braaaaiiiinnnns. If that's not saying "Hey! Pay attention to me!" I have no idea what is. Anyway, I realized something. I want to share stories about my life. A ton. I want to interrupt people in conversations to steer the conversation towards something I want to talk about.. even if they're talking about their life experiences which are far worse than my own. I've made people uncomfortable this way, just today. At the same time, I feel really bad about feeling this way, (which is why I made this post) - unfortunately, that means that I want to ask for help with topics like these, which, in turn.... steer the conversation towards me. Which I think is what I want, deep down. I took a test for npd on a whim and got an average-kinda-high score, but low enough for it to be a relief. High on superiority, entitlement, and that kind of stuff, but a zero on exploitation of others and vanity, so I'm fairly certain I don't have it. (btw, on nearly all of the questions for that test, I wanted to say "both", including some that were "I like X/I feel uncomfortable with X", so make of that what you will.) I just want someone to pay attention to me and figure me out so I can know how I behave. ...Wow, that's a weird sentence. Anyway, any comments would be appreciated. Seriously.
"Hey, pay attention to me!" is a thing from all sorts of brainweirds and even many not-brainweirds. Except for those of us autistics that want to yell "stop paying attention to me!"
Weirdly, many times I want people to not pay attention to me. Many times I get really anxious and I don't want to make eye contact and I just want to hide (it's part of what helped my family diagnose me as Aspie). However, mostly online, I also want people to pay attention to me and to talk about my situation and all that. So I don't know. It's like half of me is saying "Hey! Pay attention to me! Look at my life story! Dedicate yourself to helping me out!" while another part is saying "don't you dare look at me, I'm just another person in the crowd, I just don't want to stand out in any way".
Not very Narc-y to me. :) Sort of normalish, I think. Look how often I post here and tumblr (attention seeking?) - but don't answer emails (phones is cause I can't talk), don't say hello to people I know (like in virtual worlds) until they say hello first, etc. I think it's just overcompensate in one area for the lack of attention (that we don't want) in other areas.
Definitely this. And then I'm over here like 'nope don't even look at me' mixed with 'pay attention to me pls like if it's not a big deal' almost immediately followed by 'ah god please stop paying attention to me'. So whatever's going on there's sure a thing. Anyway, @evilas, I feel this post real deep. I get all bent out of shape with the fear of what if I'm a narcissist and I just don't know it... what if, though? despite a significant body of objective evidence to the contrary. You obviously have an awareness of what you're doing, and aren't malicious in your intentions - You just want to be heard and sometimes you go a little too far in being heard. But you know that! That's good! You're almost certainly not narcissistic on that merit alone.
Yeah, you post often, but you don't talk about yourself in the middle of other people's conversations. Though the overcompensation explanation makes a lot of sense. @Hatchback I know I'm not manipulative even though Doc Scratch-esque mind games are my favorite trope in fiction, and I'm really proud of my non-malicious intentions (and I maaayyy have gotten a bit too much praise in my family for what a good person I am) but like, there's still a sense of "wanting to barge into conversations". What explanation could that have? I like Lissa's idea of overcompensation, for instance.
@evilas - Hmn, well, I can't tell you what your own motivations are, of course, but I can relate how I feel in similar contexts - I'm always worried about barging in unasked in conversation for or seeming like I'm trying to inject myself or make it 'all about me' too. Though I generally will just clam up and say nothing instead (because what if they take offense and don't like me), I do definitely feel the desire pretty strongly regardless sometimes. I did it as a child, for sure. For me... I think it's an urgent want to relate to others, to go 'I know that feeling! We're alike!! You get me, I get you!!!' blended up with the ADHD (... and friends?)-type 'NOW DO IT NOW' impulse. Again, that's just me, and maybe it's similar to you, and maybe not. It can stem from lots of reasons!
I... Do this too (if we're talking about the same thing). Like 'I'm going to tell you this story that illustrates how I feel this way too, because I thought it was just me and you Must Know that I can relate' I've also expressed concern before that it might be too self-centered, and got a '????????' response, so maybe it's one of those anxiety things where other people don't really notice? Also @evilas I relate a lot to all your brains threads..
You relate a lot? To all of them? :D (this is REALLY GOOD NEWS to me. If you want to check out some other posts like in General Advice to see if you relate to those too? Fair warning, my life story is in one of those.)
concern over whether you're a narcissist means you accept the possibility of you being flawed, which is the opposite of one of the main traits of narcissism talking about an experience of yours to show others you can relate is pretty normal
Hmm... I like being flawed, though. It makes me feel special. Though, is it normal when you want to talk about an experience of yours even though it's not on the level of everyone else's experience?
Ok the 'a lot' is probably hyperbole. And I'm probably coming at some of the thread-title problems from a different, anxiety-and-avoidance angle, but, Spoiler: A List of Things I Relate To Yeah I relate to the having very few responsibilities that have no business being so overwhelming I used to get v good grades and hadn't ever even considered the possibility of turning something in late or anything (I mean, I still procrastinated like hell and consistently got everything done the day of the deadline at like 5am, but I did it) but now it's like... I didn't do the thing. I can do it tonight or not do it............naaaah I'm gonna go to bed. And I used to go to this facebook page where people from my university would post shitty stuff and make myself feel bad. And I also get upset when I see others having fun without me. And socializing is too much of an effort and I wish people would start conversations with me more often even though when they do I rarely respond. And I've done the 'why do I have to do productive stuff? I just want to read books. They're more important to me' And the 'must keep up with tumblr and know what's up' even though I never even reblog stuff on tumblr. And yeah to the different people having different opinions thing, but for me I just feel bad because clearly my opinion is wrong and I failed to see the obvious flaws that the other person found in the thing. And yes to this post https://kintsugi.seebs.net/threads/my-brain-is-terrified-of-being-argued-at.3874/#post-297361 ..No to the wanting to be more mentally ill for connection but yes to the second paragraph of https://kintsugi.seebs.net/threads/...-me-to-be-more-mentally-ill.3519/#post-247994 Uh yeah. Depression high-five? On the other hand (same hand? orthogonal hand?) there's this, I guess
Depression (?) high five! I'm just. Really glad. Other thing I relate to: When I got here I was also moderately sure I wouldn't post anything either. Until I did. And now I'm flooding the site to the point where I feel bad for it. Hey, feel free to post whatever thing you want. :)
