sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Starscream is Team Valor on Pokemon Go. So is Rodimus. They are both deeply annoyed by this, because Valor is probably pretty popular so how can they fight each other like this??

@Petra said that Soundwave would be Instinct (ofc) and Drift and Ratchet both are Mystic. Ratchet is so conflicted about this. Drift just didn't read the decription (or did, and is trolling him.) Perceptor is probably also Mystic, along with Brainstorm.

Tailgate is Instinct, along with Swerve and Whirl. Cyclonus is Mystic, because he's a TRAITOR. Ultra Magnus is probably Instinct, and Megatron is probably Valor. The bridge of the LL is hotly contested at all times.

 

• Connie has a fairly popular fandom blog. She takes care not to mention her age anywhere on there, since she is technically too young to have a Tumblr. A lot of her followers would be deeply surprised to learn she was so young, since a lot of her most popular posts are very well-thought-out and articulate meta posts--how could a middle schooler write something like this?
• Mabel is pretty popular on Tumblr as well, and is well-known for her knitting projects and cute photos of Waddles. She doesn't mention her age either, until she mentions on her 13th birthday that she can now have a Tumblr and not be breaking any rules. Her theme is the most gloriously garish thing ever.
  
• Sollux has a very nice custom theme. It would be a lot better if it weren't for the overuse of red and blue, though.
  
• Roxy also has a lovely custom theme, and unlike Sollux's theme, the colors actually work pretty well--mostly pinks and purples. It's a cute pixel aesthetic theme, but very accessible and legible.
  
• The Beforus equivalent of Tumblr is actually quite functional and has a reasonably competent staff. Conversely, Alternia's equivalent manages to be even worse than ours.
• Steven's blog is mostly cute animals, selfies, recipe reblogs (with the occasional recipe of his own thrown in), and fun fandom content (which he frequently tags Connie in). He occasionally posts musings about his life as well, and always posts something fun for Greg on Father's Day.
• In addition to her personal blog, Sadie is a mod on at least one horror movie blog.
  
• Jane runs a recipe blog, mostly focused on baking; in addition to reblogging recipes and posting her own creations, she has a feature where she posts a weird old Betty Crocker recipe from one of her ancient hand-me-down cookbooks once a week. Much to her chagrin, this is the most beloved feature on her blog, and she has many followers who mainly follow her for that.
  
• Latula was actually pretty damn famous on Trollmblr prior to the game. Like, household name kinda famous--one of the best-known and most beloved bloggers on the site. Mituna was also quite a popular blogger, and a very well-liked theme maker (though like Sollux, his love of garishly bright red and blue was held as rather questionable).
• Porrim ran a fairly well-regarded fashion/makeup/body mod blog, and would often give advice on safe tattoo and piercing practices to her followers.
• Aradia's blog is a deeply confusing mix of fun Troll Indiana Jones and RP content, history blogging, and death fangirling. Fortunately, she's very good about tagging things appropriately, so those who follow her for her more lighthearted content generally just blacklist the morbid stuff.
  
• Amethyst is a notorious shitposter.
• Peridot got a Tumblr at Amethyst's insistence, though she's far more active on Twitter. The general type of content she posts on both platforms is rather similar, though.

 

cronus deletes his blog whenever his latest trail of shit is uncovered. fortunately, he remakes the blogs within minutes of deleting and uses the same tags/information so he's often found almost instantly. eventually he makes a Big Vague Completely Empty suicide threat because he's being ok no i cant do this. i cant type this with a straight face. thank you ray for being the world's most in-character cronus larper

 

That would explain the iambic pentameter. He's stealing lines from Elf Shakespeare.

 

Terezi's Trollblr theme is eye-searing.
#i realize this is not exactly a reach

 

A general one: I can't do the Dreamworks Face/Spock Eyebrow, and some unconscious chunk of my brain will sometimes pick a random character to project this onto. So I'll be reading a book or a fic and [character] will be described as raising one eyebrow, and my brain will go "BUT THEY CAN'T DO THAT!"

 

I am shipping them too.

 

Considering his party banter with Cole is all oblique references to real world pop culture, this is totally believable.

Spoiler: I can't imagine there's anyone who doesn't know this but DAI spoilers anyway

Fen'Harel, ancient memelord.

 

Pidge is actually pretty decently strong for her size - she was running around with some heavy-looking computer equipment in a backpack without any issues, so.

 

StrexCorps is structured exactly like Veridian Dynamics

(and also Veronica's last name is Palmer, which is not a headcanon but is actually a true statement)

 

Silicon Heaven exists and both Lister and Kryten are going to be really surprised one day.

 

Transformers have a lot of really filthy innuendos based on alt-mode.

 

Whole new meaning to

GET IN DA CHOPPA!

eh? *wonk*

 

Kaladin from the Stormlight Archive would, on a planet with earthlike seasons, have Seasonal Affective Disorder. But since his home planet's seasons are so weird (they get two or three weeks of a "season" in a more or less random order), it only kicks in for a couple weeks once a year when the annual month-long drizzle hits.

 

In Nanoha ViVid, there's a character called Victoria Dahlgrun, and part of her schtick is that she's the descendent of some ancient Belkan noble, and takes this more seriously than basically anyone else. Anyways, I headcanon that when people see her workout room (since she's a veteran competitor of a magical fighting tournament), they don't immediately realize that it's not just another sitting room. It's got a big window looking out onto nice green scenery, all the decor is very nicely color-coordinated, there's little tables with pitchers... then they notice neatly-kept stacked weights, barbell and bench, a pull-up machine, all kinds of things. All clearly regularly used. The thing about Victoria is, she basically figured 'well I'm going to spend a lot of time in this room, might as well have a nice look to it.' So she decorated it specifically to match the equipment and make everything both as pretty and comfortable as possible without sacrificing utility.

 

Some Touhomestuck:

• First off, this is somebody else doing this with Vriska, though I think the overall difficulty level is low for Touhou, especially the Fluorite Octet and Manipul8ion cards. But gives you an idea what I'm talking about here.
• Most characters would have at least one aspect-based card:
  Spoiler: Long

  • Time- Four of a Kind style self-duplication with time loops.
  • Space- Lots of teleportation and growing and shrinking bullets.
  • Void- Gimmicky concealment-based spells that mess with your ability to predict where shots are coming from by clouding parts of the screen.
    
  • Light- Very flashy and pretty spells with bullets moving in predictable preset patterns, but goddamn there are a lot of them. Most likely to have a tiny safe spot somewhere.
    
  • Heart- Lots of stuff targeted directly at you and stuff that chases you.
    
  • Mind- Spells designed to corrale you into a specific place and usher you around, controlling your movements.
  • Life- Spells that grow and evolve, with patterns starting simple and branching off and bullets that explode into more bullets.
    
  • Doom- Telegraphed laser webs and bullets that start small and get bigger (as your problems do when facing a Doom player :::PPP)
    
  • Breath- Big wavy bullet lines and curved lasers to represent wind, and they won't stop moving, dammit.
    
  • Blood- Summons a bunch of flunkies to help shoot at you.
    
  • Hope- Cards where bullets just kind of appear per a preset pattern, then start moving.
    
  • Rage- Intensely random and unpredictable. You might get through easily because the bullets they're shooting everywhere wildly happen to line up in a way has a lot of gaps, or you might get walled in.
• Lots of strife specibus cards. e.g. Karkat has an attack with curved lasers swooping across the screen and Nepeta slices across the screen with her claws.
  
• Rose and Fef have spellcards where they summon Horrorterror tentacles.
• Dirk can rain Smuppets from the sky and it's deeply upsetting. He does not actually decapitate himself, but he's got a nonspell that starts with a horizontal sword stroke across the screen at the level of his neck.
• Jake is doing a boobs-and-butt pose in his cut-in portrait.
• Jade teleports absolutely goddamn everywhere in half her spellcards.
• Equius has an attack where he makes a big bow-shaped arc of bullets but instead of shooting arrow bullets the bow itself falls on you.
• Roxy throws a truly astounding variety of conglomerations of bullets in weird shapes at you. Sometimes they explode on impact with the wall.
• Latula does sick skateboard tricks and trails a wave of bullets behind her.

 

THIS FUCKING PUMPKIN spellcard for Roxy?

Also I assume jade constantly has the five planets orbiting her to knock you if you get too close.

 

Also for void: fake bullets that do no damage and hard-to-spot transparent bullets?

 

Pumpkin bullets are just. A thing in Touhomestuck. Jade and Roxy in particular. Jade has a spell with pumpkin bullets dropping from the sky which start as a solid wall but more and more of them poof out of existence as they go down the screen so there are gaps you can slip through.