Founding Fathers callouts

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

• wrote an 1751 pamphlet on American demographics that said "Blacks and Tawneys" corrupted American society
  • RACIST
• used his newspapers to spread his disgusting ""moral virtue""
  • idk actually what morals he espoused but he was an oppressor so they were definitely gross
• his son was loyal to the British crown
  • the British are the ultimate colonialist oppressors
• made scientific discoveries
  • science is obviously a tool of the oppressors
  • except when it supports my opinion then it's good uwu
• founded all-male educational institutions
  • MISOGYNISTIC
• was Christian and thought Christian values were essential to living a moral life
  • which is super Islamophobic???
  • also anti-Semetic
• owned slaves and supported the slave trade
  • RACIST
• conclusion: bigoted oppressor scum
• @LadyNighteyes told me that?? he also fetishized the elderly?? spread this like wildfire

this was really hard to come up with actually Ben Franklin was a quality dude

 

What about creepy comments about sleeping with old ladies? :::PPP

 

(This is me watching the thread so I don't miss out on this quality content like a+)

 

JOHN JAY

• was born into a wealthy family
  • super privileged and therefore an oppressor!!! capitalist scum
• was in a conservative political party
  • feared ""mob rule"" and wanted to protect ""property rights""?? like excuse you
• married a 17-year-old when he was 28
  • PEDOPHILIA
  • PEDOPHILIA
  • PEDOPHILIA
• supported three of his adult disabled siblings
  • obviously super ableist b/c he infantilized them
  • like how dare he criticize their symptoms like that
  • yikes
• was a slaveholder
  • RACIST
• was Christian and thought entire world should be converted to Christianity
  • oppressive
  • Islamophobic and anti-Semetic
  • basically just actively worked towards cultural erasure???
• wrote some Federalist Papers
  • federalism is super conservative and problematic
• made Jay Treaty with Britain
  • supporting oppressors
• conclusion: is this even a question he was a fucking pedophile

 

I can't wait till you get to James Wilson, I'm sure I'll be able to hear my grandfather psychically screaming from halfway across the continent.

#seriously he is the biggest fuckin wilson fanboy #it's ridiculous

 

answering this over here so as not to further derail tumblr.txt thread

his mother was white French, John Adams just called him creole bc he was salty over Hamilton writing and circulating a 40+ page pamphlet about how much Adams sucks at being president and how all the Federalists should vote for Charles Pinckney over him in the 1800 election. this split the Federalist vote (tho not that much bc Adams rly fucking sucked at being president) and left us w democratic republicans in both the presidency and vice presidency, back when the system was set up so that the opposition party should have had a clear shot at the vice presidency. it was a weird year.

but yeah, no, Hamilton was white, as were both his parents. it's just that he came from an area that was v mixed race and Adams was a xenophobic and butthurt dicknugget.

 

THOMAS JEFFERSON

• married his third cousin
  • incest???
• was friends with the Marquis de Lafayette
  • aristocracy is garbage and so is anybody who associates with it
• organized the Democratic-Republican Party
  • advocated for states' rights and local control which is?? super rightist???
• continued to support the French Revolution during the Reign of Terror
  • literally supported genocide??? I can't even
• wrote the Kentucky and Virginia Resolutions
  • literally directly caused the formation of the Confederacy
  • RACIST
• won 1800 election over John Adams because of Three-Fifths Compromise
  • literal erasure of POC
  • RACIST
• declared First Barbary War
  • against inhabitants of Barbary Coast in Africa
  • RACIST
• advocated for assimilationist policies when dealing with Native Americans
  • literal cultural erasure and erasure of POC??
  • RACIST
• relocated Native American tribes
  • RACIST
• refused to acknowledge Haiti as a nation after POC overthrew their white oppressors
  • RACIST
• opposed women's suffrage
  • MISOGYNISTIC
• owned over 600 slaves
  • RACIST
  • I can't fucking even who is this literal pile of human garbage
• believed that black people were mentally and physically inferior to white people
  • RACIST
  • what the fuck
  • literal definition of racism what the fuck
• had children with Sally Hemings
  • exploitation of a WOC???
  • also literal rape since slaves can't consent
  • also she was a literal child when he began abusing her
  • MISOGYNISTIC
  • RACIST
  • PEDOPHILE
• studied Native American languages
  • cultural appropriation
• conclusion: did you even read that this man was the racist scum of the Earth and a literal pedophile I cannot believe he didn't fling himself off a cliff

Thomas Jefferson: actually pretty problematic!

 

thank you! I am having a lot of fun willfully ignoring nuance, facts, anything vaguely resembling accurate historical analysis, and the fact that logic is generally needed to prove conclusions. also, I am not what you'd call a fan of American history, so I'm also having fun making it utterly fucking ridiculous. :D

...you know, I wasn't going to do Wilson, because generally speaking I consider Adams, Franklin, Hamilton, Jay, Jefferson, Madison, and Washington to be the quintessential Founding Fathers. but now I know about your grandfather, I think I just might give Wilson a go.

 

Also wasn't Sally Hemings a teenager when that started? Just to add to the "Genuinely Problematic" cocktail?

 

pssssst do george wythe maybe? (i'm related 2 him which makes him obvi super important. and EXTRA PROBLEMATIC. he is LITERALLY RELATED to someone who was ONCE A MINOR. sex had to happen for that to be a thing, which we all know is bad and evil no matter how ya slice it)

 

goddamn, how did I forget about that Genuinely Problematic goldmine. it's a matter of debate whether she was over 14 or over 16, and, I mean, the whole thing isn't 100% without a doubt proven, but callouts don't have to be factually exact. gonna add that now, thanks.

 

factually exact? half the time, callouts don't have to be factually correct.

 

I mean, I have some standards. all of the things I've said these guys've done they likely actually did. but some of the causal conclusions are absolute bullshit. for instance, the Kentucky and Virginia Resolutions did not literally cause the Civil War. but yeah, these wouldn't be nearly as fun if they didn't have historical bases.

I can totally do him! I can also do historical figures who aren't Founding Fathers, probably, even if I haven't heard of them before ever. y'all are welcome to suggest anybody. this is so fun.

also, like, can somebody with a Tumblr please post one of these? I think the Jefferson one would be best. if you don't wanna clutter up your blog I understand, but I'm morbidly curious about Tumblr's reactions to these. :D

 

I'm related to the guy who burned down the White House in the War of 1812! :::DDD

 

my mother has traced my entire lineage for about 10 generations back and then selectively back to noted historical figures. apparently I'm related to every single European king or queen from, like, Charlemagne on. I'm gonna have to ask her for some Problematic Highlights, I guess. >:]

 

I have an ancestor who was some advisor to Henry VIII. Fancy! Apparently a direct ancestor IIRR. My dad told me the name, but I forgot immediately; gonna have to get him to tell me again.

I'm also related to Robert E. Lee. Fun times.

 

sAME????
DOES THIS MAKE US RELATED

 

:O!

Am I secretly an eevee