the worst thing about living somewhere with an actual neighborhood is that you get to know your neighbors. It is Rude to walk right past someone you know without acknowleging them. But sometimes the prospect of having to make smalltalk or even just wave makes my animalbrain seize up and i get a brain full of static and NO. Usually i end up doing a half-smile head bobble thing that probably looks like im having a stroke and keep walking faster. Anyone else have situations like that? How do you resolve?
I have a similar question that I will piggyback on this thread for. What is the protocol for looking at somebody when you see them approaching on a sidewalk or hallway? Looking at them the whole time seems awkward. So does avoiding looking at them. Glancing at them once and then purposefully looking away seems weird as well. My current strategy is to look, look away, look again, and look away again, but I don't know if that's correct.
i just do the head bobble thing too. except, i am hella faceblind as well and total crap at remembering names so if i see someone attempting eye contact out of the corner of my eye, if i only "know" them (e.g. acquaintance) instead of know them (e.g. close friend or family member, who still get mixed up sometimes) i stop to try and jog my memory of who they are. most people, unfortunately, take that as a signal to approach or try and start conversation. not a great idea on their part. it almost always ends up with a disgruntled walk away from me haha. most of the time if i think i can get away with looking like i'm very distracted with something or i didn't hear them, i just do that. i really do like people, it's just hard trying to figure out what they want me to say or when a conversation is over.
I smile and look down at my shoes/cellphone/whatever if i dont want to talk. If i want to stop and talk i keep looking but thats pretty rare.idk if thats right though.
I mean that's also pretty much what I do but idk about 'right'. I generally am not good at small talk at all so if I see some I know I'll look up, smile, nod, and then keep moving at the same pace and definitely not stop unless I don't really have an option.
I mostly avoid larger groups. Small talk with one or two people I can handle so long as I don't need them to like me a lot. It really does help to be shameless about talking about the weather. I ordinarily avoid our annual neighborhood potluck, but attended this time because it was honoring a woman who has just recovered from a gall bladder operation. It went better than I expected. I found out the dog I recently rescued belongs to a woman who had a small speaking part in the latest season of Breaking Bad. I told my story of the time I was almost run over by Merv Griffin's Bentley. I only felt like fleeing a couple of times. Rather a success.
So my typical strategy for passing by people is to look at them, give a friendly smile/head nod, then stare back in the direction I'm going. It's sort of a "hi, I acknowledge you" without engaging. As far as associates that you pass by, I tend to give a little wave and a "hey". If they start to try and engage, I follow it up with a head shake and a sorta raise my hand in the "stop" position. If they still try to engage, I'll mutter something like "bad day" or "super busy". @BPD anon is this encounter with someone you know, or strangers in general? If you intend to engage them, then I'd probably go with something like your tactic. If you don't intend to engage, I'd go with the look once, then don't bother.
I am probably the wrong person to ask, but for strangers, I think it all depends on population density. On a crowded city sidewalk, or school hallway, there is no need to look at all directly at anyone. On a trail in the country where you might see one person a mile, a smile or nod or Hi is only polite. I don't think looking at someone a second time is ever really the best option: if you need to do more than look once, you need to smile/nod/say Hi. If you want to look at someone several times, that is OK, so long as you are not in New York City. But no one who knows me would ever ask me how to be polite.
Hmm idk i only know My Big City's protocol which is mostly 'Do Not Acknowledge Existance Of Strangers On Streets Or Public Transport Beyond Necessary Evasion Maneuvers' with a side of 'this town sounds rude to outsiders but we mean well we are just sarcastic as fuck I'm Not Sorry' when it comes to getting people to not be in your way. So basically do not acknowledge people you don't know unless they are in your way/blocking an intersection/standing around inconveniently in which case make a sarcastic comment a la 'Hey, genius, the light won't get greener' or 'You ain't that big hun, move your butt to the side so I can pass through' also a classic if someone is approaching you and you don't wanna talk is a noncommittal shrug and 'Got a train to catch' and get the hell away, or something if your town has like public transport that isn't really really looked down upon?
One of the things I like about volunteering at the hospital is that I get a uniform and a badge and suddenly it is My Job to give everyone a big smile. It solves the problem. :) The rest of the time, I'm on my own, and I do not know the answer to the question of the proper protocol--at all. :(
Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing either. I wear big, very obvious headphones, at pretty much all times out in public. I will take them off if I see someone I like and want to talk; otherwise, I do the polite ^_^ smile and that's it. This is usually tolerably effective! And it gives me an excuse to pretend not to hear people if I don't like them, even though my music's not usually up that loud. >>; And may actually be off. I just like the noise dampening and the way it keeps people from talking to me so much. Otherwise, um... If I don't want to talk, I usually yawn and act like I'm really tired and frazzled, and people usually get the hint and stop talking tolerably quickly? I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do, though. The worst part for me is smalltalk with clerks; that's pretty upsetting and spoon-sucking. I know it's just 'hi, please give me [food], thanks, bye'. But sometimes they want to talk and it's people I don't know and it goes off-script and aughhhh. I avoid stores and going out to eat for this reason, which is exasperating.
I'm lucky enough to not really live in a neighborhood, but big family events are still awful. Mostly I try to stick with someone more talkative/less anxious than me (usually my sister) and just put on the Customer Service Smile until I'm able to get away.
For big family events: get a job. Seriously, wander into the kitchen and ask what needs doing-- someone is ALWAYS needed to get the old people drinks or stir this or watch the littles or something, and no one can blame you for not chatting with weird uncle rando if you're doing something important. That's 100000% of how i get through that sort of thing.
Yeah, population density is a factor. If there's more than a couple people in a hallway/walkway, it's perfectly fine just to ignore them. When I'm doing okay, I keep my gaze at about shoulder level. It's close enough to the face so I can catch if someone else wants to establish eye contact(in which I reciprocate with a friendly gesture), but low enough that I'm not engaging anyone. When I'm not feeling at all sociable, my gaze is pretty much glued to the (distant)ground in front of me. With strangers, I highly recomend the one time eye-contact + friendly gesture. The first one is an acknowledgement of another individual, but additional ones are read as interest/attempts to engage. It can get awkward quickly because the other person will sometimes reciprocate to either engage or puzzle out why you keep looking at them. I tend to get stuck in a loop after that, because not looking can be interpretted as ignoring or shame(embarassment) at that point. Or something like that. That's how I've always understood it anyways.
Also if you're afab people might read it as flirting, which is usually the opposite of what i'd want.
Oh hell, yeah. Definately this. I'm totes asexual afab, and I have to be careful about being nice to people. Apparently being courteous and friendly gives some people the wrong signals. #and that's how I became cold hearted #not that that stopped guys #sorry for the slight derail
