shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

-Nichrome goes down with a melodramatic sigh, staying lying on the floor-
You Killed Me Sawbones. I Am Dead.

 

-deadpan- Oh no, the tragedy, whatever shall I do.

 

Captain-icide is a crime Sawbones.

 

That is not a word sir. -attempts to revive her with engex-

 

Oh no, were you knocked off the high chair?

 

I'm the captain, I can invent words if I want to.
*consumes the engex without flinching whatsoever no matter how strong or bad it is*

I'm seven million years old and what is this shit.

 

Yes Sir, Captian Sir. -she is still absolutely deadpan-

It is a stool Sir, for standing on Sir.

 

Why should I stand on a stool.
Do you mean to imply my frame size is insufficient?
*a shiteating grin is crinkling up the corners of Nichrome's optics*

 

I do not know why you were standing on a stool Sir, only that you did so Sir. It is not my place to question why my Captian is standing on stools Sir.
-she has a hard time not laughing-

 

I was not standing on a stool, Nurse. Nurse you may have to check your optics I was not just now standing on this very stool to fake that I was taller than present company.
Do you mean to imply your captain is lying, Nurse Sawbones?
*she just barely doesn't manage to stifle all of the giggles*

 

Sir are you implying I am not -breaks off in snort laughter- qualified to diagnose a-ha! case of standing on a stool to make oneself look taller? Sir?
-breaks down laughing- Captain I got optics! -she gasps- They work fiiine -falls over laughing-

 

I would say "cheaters never prosper" except that the good fortunes of this crew depend on you and Cloudcrusher being very prosperous indeed. Strange aphorism, that. Of course cheaters prosper, quite often too. Why else go to the trouble?

 

...Such a pity I cannot take a recording of this to the waking world, this needs on the 'Tubes.

 

-allows herself a few giggles-
Nurse! I wasn't even aware -another giggle flood- of my standing-on-stool-itis. What is the proposed treatment, Nurse?
-She is very glad that she is already lying on the floor and thus can't fall over.-

I always wondered which sore loser coined that.

-she scrambles to her feet only to take a sarcastic bow-

 

-mock serious- A great amount of engex will cure just about any Cheating Disorder Sir, on account of being too overcharged to cheat properly.

 

Is that a challenge, Nurse? Are you sure you want to challenge me on cheating and drinking at the same time, Sawbones?

 

[He puts a hand on his chest theatrically.]

Thank God. Don't worry about causing trouble, you haven't. I misunderstood your question to be about entering a station or landing on a planet without detection. I apologize for jumping to a false conclusion.

Your vessel would not be attacked nor you incarcerated without a crime being committed, and the act of entering Federation space is not itself illegal. We, in fact, welcome travelers as a matter of course. Encountering new life and new civilizations is in our mission statement! However... an unknown vessel would be required to identify itself and its intentions, and assuming someone is looking for you, asylum would be the way to ensure official protection.

[He drains the last of his tea.]

And I'd stay out of the way of other spacefaring races on your way in. Romulans, Tholians, Cardassians, Klingons, they're all, shall we say, on edge with the Dominion war only months behind us. I wouldn't credit them with an abundance of hospitality at the best of times.

 

-drly- No Captain, I like living. -grins- Everyone knows you can drink enough to drown a metrotitan.

 

Oh we know a thing or three about tensions after a long running war.

 

That's a gross lie, I can drink enough to drown two Metrotitans.
*she is clearly joking.*