sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Mabel Pines actually likes the rickroll song.

 

So does Dipper, but like hell will you ever get him to admit it.

Mabel only knows because he tends to sing it in the shower, and the walls in the Mystery Shack are thin enough for her to hear...

 

FURTHER TUMBLR HEADCANONS:

• Dipper runs a moderately successful paranormal blog; it's not nearly as popular as Mabel's, but it's decently well-known in some niche circles. Mabel has promo'd him a few times, though, which always leads to a pretty major influx of followers.
  
• Mabel's ask box is ALWAYS open, and her followers frequently come to her with their issues if they need cheering up.
• Wendy's Tumblr is a pretty standard run-of-the-mill blog for a girl her age. Dipper likes all her posts.
• Robbie's Tumblr is WANGST CENTRAL. No one is surprised. He also vagueblogs a lot, but in a way where anyone who can read can tell who he's talking about.
  
• Greg signed up for Tumblr once upon a time, just because he was curious about it, but he couldn't figure out the interface and eventually just deleted his account. (this may or may not have happened with my dad)
• Garnet does not have a Tumblr. Ruby, however, does. She gets into a lot of petty arguments when she's actively online, which is fairly infrequently since she's usually fused with Sapphire, but most of her blog content is Wholesome Girlfriend Memes and things she thinks Sapphire would like and positivity posts for her friends and such, run on a queue. (Sapphire has a Tumblr as well, but she never actually posts; she just likes Ruby's posts and sends her cute asks. And sometimes she'll apologize to the people her girlfriend argues with if things go too far. :P)
• Amethyst and Ruby once got into a truly nasty flame war on Tumblr. Neither of them knew who the other was, and they both felt incredibly awkward when they found out.
  
• Dave runs a truly obscene number of ironic sideblogs; however, his main blog is actually dedicated to his photography. Unlike 99% of his shitty sideblogs, it's actually rather nicely designed. Most people would be pretty surprised that it was his, in fact.
  
• Dirk doesn't run as many sideblogs as Dave, though he still has a fair few. His are very well-thought-out in their awfulness, and he may have a few personas that everyone on the site is 100% convinced are real.

 

@Acey:

If you ever read another thing in WT, it needs to be Mabel's epic pitch rickroll of her kismesis Paz. In which she has changed the lyrics to reflect events that took place during "Double Dipper" and "Golf War".

How do I know you're right?

Because Dipper furnished the karaoke track.

In Dimension 52, where he can't just grab it off the intarwebs.

 

Tambry follows 20 people she knows and has at least 20000 followers.

 

Yesss, Headcanons are my jam.

When a bit older, Ash from the pokemon anime decides to use his skills with really connecting with his pokemon to start some sort of business that helps people with their pokemon. It probably started out as a helping out pokemon labeled as "problem" pokemon. Then it grew into more when Ash hired other people, many he's gotten to know on his journey as a trainer.

Jessie, James and Meowth are among the first hires when they finally do break free from Team Rocket. James ends up being head on the pokemon rehabilitation branch of the business, helping injured pokemon recover from traumatic incidents and the ones able to be released to be released.

Meowth is obviously the translator for all pokemon.

And Jessie is not only the face for advertising but is great with the budget (I feel having to be careful with funds all these years serves her well in this area.)

I wrote more then I meant to...

 

This tumblr blog thing is fun so Imma jump in with the strawhats

• Luffy has a blog. It's mostly food porn, with a strong focus on meat. He also reblogs memes, shitposts, and those clickbait funny pictures, which gets kinda annoying. Sometimes he reblogs those adventure/sci-fi bit fictions.
• Zoro has a tumblr but only really goes on it once every three or so months. He has a mobile theme and the title is just "Zoro." Every three months there's a rush of posts that are mostly pictures of blades, insults on any of sanji's posts, and pics of alcohol.
• Nami's blog is a mix of stuff. She reblogs original fiction and book recs, with some fandom content but not much. She likes good meta, too. She sometimes posts partial photos of her maps as she's working on them. There is a fair amount of fashion photography reblogs on there. If she sees one of those donation posts, and the need for money involves a child she reblogs and donates. She also reblogs tips for saving money, and posts a respectable amount of selfies.
• Sanji runs a foodie blog the is pretty popular in the community. It's a lot of food porn, both original and reblogged. He also will sometimes post recipes of his own creation which usually get a good amount of notes and gets him new followers. He also tries to start flame wars with Zoro and sends him anon hate, but the internet fights don't last very long cause Zoro is never on and it tends to escalate into real life beatdowns anyway. Luffy follows him and Sanji doesn't understand why because "You see everything I make right before you inhale it."
• Usopp runs at least three different blogs, probably more. An art blog, a personal blog, and an rp blog for Sogeking. The art blog has a lot of followers for many reasons; he occasionally illustrates shitposts, he makes some really cool comics about the adventures of sogeking, and he draws really fun encouragement posts along the lines of "don't give up! you are like an old stubborn turtle! you're too tough to stop now!" you get the feel that he is frantically yelling at you trying to make you feel better. The Sogeking rp blog has a lot of illustrated rp responses, and a small following of rpers who interact with him. His personal is a lot of interaction with the other strawhats, writeups of his "adventures", and some posts about dealing with anxiety/depression.
• Chopper has a blog but he's not super active. It's cute pictures of candy, posts that remind you to drink water, and health tips. He also makes corrections on posts about health issues and anatomy.
• Robin runs a popular history/archeology blog. It has translations of old text fragments, pictures of things shes working on, and discussion of theory. She also has a personal blog that has book liveblogs, interaction with other crew members, and shitposts
• Brook has a pr blog for soul king, but no personal blog. After the strawhats reunited the pr blog died.
• Franky's blog is mostly about engineering and historical ships. He posts a lot of progress shots of his projects. There are also a lot of shitty puns and memes and such.

 

To expand on this one, I'm just going to screencap two posts I made on the subject (mildish spoiler for the end of the series):

Spoiler: Chinese Electric Batman spoilers

Spoiler: Text

Here’s a little thing I would like to share with anyone who has watched Darker than Black:

You know how after the finale, the existence of contractors goes public?

Please imagine how DtB-verse Tumblr would react to that.

You’re welcome for the horrible mental image.

#can't you just imagine it?#the twee positivity posts#the outrageously rage-filled screaming about what to call prejudice against them#the people who fetishize mental illness being incredibly creepy#the /serial killer fandom/ being even MORE creepy#people screaming at each other about 'non-contractor privilege'#teenagers who SWEAR they're dolls/contractors and their abilities just aren't observable#people getting buried in anon hate for referring to prejudice against contractors as 'racism' or 'ableism' because 'THAT'S APPROPRIATION'#IMAGINE

Spoiler: Text

oh oh re: this awfulness:

quicksilver-ink pointed out to me all the terrible things fandom would do with it- there’d be buckets and buckets of “contractor![character]” AUs, and knowing fandom a huge proportion of them would be cringeworthy (and, frankly, offensive) “contractor regains normal human emotions through ~the power of love~” stories.

And there would definitely be huge amounts of misinformation and rumors circulating, so even people who were legitimately trying to research it and get it right could easily make massive, glaring mistakes because it’s hard to know what’s reliable and what isn’t. It doesn’t help that a lot of the people who actually know what they’re talking about on the subject would probably be viewed with deep suspicion, because by definition they were probably active participants in a massive international cover-up.

All of which is to say: imagine Ootsuka’s face the first time she logs onto her favorite fanfiction site to look for new smut and finds twelve separate fics with the premise “[Commonly Uke-ified Character] is a doll and [Commonly Seme-ified Character] is a contractor” and every single one thinks dolls have the ability to read minds, contractors have dulled sense of touch and taste, and a remuneration is something a contractor has to do every day or they’ll waste away and die. Two involve the contractor character performing a heroic sacrifice by using their power when they haven’t paid their price in too long, three include dolls having lively telepathic conversations, more than half of them have an “I can taste strawberries again because your love has restored me” type of scene, and one had the contractor character’s price change from murdering someone every day to kissing his love interest.

After a while she pours herself a glass of something extremely alcoholic and makes the tactical decision to reread old elephant slash instead.

 

Tez that last one made me consider 'terrible fanfic where the Contracter!character has dulled senses for literally everything their doll!love interest.' And inevitably someone taking that to the NSFW direction. So I'm blaming you for that.

 

@KarrinBlue: >:::)))

Aaand now that I've posted the DtB thing I can talk about RH characters with Tumblrs!

• Eruca: Activism Tumblr. Almost entirely reblogs with no commentary. Tags exhaustively but never mentions any personal information because she doesn't want anyone connecting it to her. Has an aesthetic sideblog full of ornate antique guns, fluffy cats, and pictures of snow.
• Stocke: Doesn't care about the site. Reblogs something from Eruca's main about once every 4 months or so, and that's it. The only place on his entire blog where he wrote anything was a single multi-paragraph rant about swordfight choreography on a movie gifset.
  
• Marco: Meta for sci-fi shows, Star Trek gifsets, and yelling at Raynie when she reblogs flagrant misinformation.
  
• Raynie: A mix of assorted fandoms, funny text posts, viral jokes, cute animals, memes, and porn. Hits the post limit a lot. Sometimes she forgets to tag the porn and Marco sends her an angry message because he didn't want to see that, dammit. She tells him he doesn't have to follow her, and he says yes he does, because otherwise who's going to stop her from uncritically reblogging posts saying that dogs and hyenas can interbreed?
• Sonja: A bit like Raynie, but replace the memes and porn with science news and pictures of food. Occasionally reblogs thaumatech close-up gifs and tags those "porn."
  
• Rosch: Doesn't understand how the site works. Posts painfully mundane daily life status updates and never reblogs anything.
• Aht: In the grand tradition of the internet, lied about her age when she heard Stocke had an account. Got bored almost immediately and left behind an abandoned blog with a tiled gif background and three funny animal pictures, which is probably for the best because nine-year-olds, even ones who murdershank people, should not be on Tumblr.
• Gafka: Insists he does not have time for such a frivolity as Tumblr. This is technically true. He's on Twitter instead. Where he runs the equivalent of @dril.
• Kiel: Reblogs gifsets of cheesy action movies taken intensely seriously, everything Stocke reblogs, and every picture of Viola he can find. Does everything with a Superwholock-esque deep earnestness that makes him slightly embarrassing to interact with.
  
• Raul: Has an active official Tumblr, but it's run entirely by his secretary and he pays zero attention to it. Secretly runs a Lord of the Rings fanblog.
• Hugo: Insists on running his official Tumblr himself. Posts daily prayers and videos of his speeches and gets mad if they don't get enough notes. Keeps sending anon hate to Raul's official Tumblr.
• Dias: Snooty aesthetic blog. Deletes sources and captions from images because he thinks they make it look less ~clean~.
• Selvan: Almost as bad as Dias, with bonus obnoxious long-winded political opinions, but it's almost worth it for the times when he drags some poor idiot into the ground.
• Protea: Selfies tagged with as many unrelated things as possible to get more notes. Is making a duckface or a butt-sniffing face in every single one.
  
• Darth Homura: Has an account solely to spy on Stocke and Eruca. Blog uses the default theme and has nothing but a handful of vague text posts made as camouflage.
  
• Elm: SJW. DOWN WITH THE HUMAN OPPRESSORS.
• Garland: Epic-level shitposter with a six-digit follower count. Reblogs from the Cygnus tourism bureau a lot with ridiculous commentary. URL is "official-king-gar1and" so nobody will suspect it actually is him. Has a sideblog dedicated exclusively to pictures of hot men with no shirts.

 

Hetalia's South Korea can see out of the little smiley face in his hair-curl and uses it to look round corners and read other nations' paperwork at meetings.

 

BEST HEADCANON IN THE HETALIA FANDOM

 

Spoiler: daddy kink (NOT SERIOUS KINK CONTENT)

cronus has a daddy kink blog where he roleplays on the selfies of 13 year olds. his 'little' is just a sockpuppet account so he can pretend he has a girlfriend.

 

Well, it's what I'd do if I had a smiley face in my hair. I just kinda love the mental image of him going like "Dum-de-dum, getting lectured again, bored now, gonna watch the TVs in the store across the street while still looking like I'm listening."

 

Also I kind of like the idea of Norway's floating curl occasionally wandering off on its own.

 

zer0 actually likes claptrap a little and thinks he's kinda funny, but keeps it to themself so they don't break their cool assassin persona

 

Picture your faves doing an Eye of Argon reading, possibly while huffing helium. In any canon where they could reasonably have access to it, it's happened.

 

not only is Tarn the absolute worst singer in the world, but he wrote awful, screechy ballads in the past about the glory of Megatron, which were hours long and included passages from Towards Peace. his little concerts were mandatory for all DJD members, unfortunately

 

Other Hetalia headcanons; the girl with the orange headscarf who Italy flirts with in one episode is Romany-tan, and the narrator lady is Esperanto-tan and has no physical form because she's a created language.

 

vriska is a cat person who strongly insists that she's a dog person even though she hates dogs and is highly allergic to them