shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

Have you even met him?

 

i dont have to meet someone to recognize their sexy beastiness like have i ever met lindsey lohan i doubt it but ive sure as fuck seen mean girls

i cant even remember the characters name shes just that hot chick as played by lindsey fucking lohan

you have no idea how much id love to jump your bones right this second in front of everybody but im insanely fucking gay and its not an option

[She clutches her hands over her heart.]

sam hill and tarnation what a sad day this is to be asleep

 

... okay... what...

 

hey, id just like to point out that hes some weird fake dream version of me, and IM biologically female, so you can jump MY bones instead. i get laid, you get to keep your weird hangups about hot fellas, everyones happy.

(wait, if this is my dream, why does the hot girl even SAY shes gay?)

 

... when you put it like that, it does kinda make more sense.

*laughs* And look, Hell just froze over!

 

You're still a guy if you identify as one, though.

 

hey, i dont know what kind of standards the broad is using. it was worth a shot.

 

Yeah, but sexual attraction isn't necessarily always to gender identity. Sometimes it's to presentation or specific kinds of genitals or breasts or whatever. Words are imprecise and slippery, and really not that great at capturing all the nuances of everyone's sexual orientation all the time.

 

I guess.

 

So, uh, let Tamika and CJ work out how their gender identities and sexual orientations mesh together, okay?

 

ill do drag if it takes drag.

 

I don't need to know that, dude.

 

weird hangups...!

i mean woe, alas, and a smidge of alack, already i can feel... your, uh... powerful, axe-scented, masculine aura tainting my... energies

my *chakras* are being misaligned as we *speak* sir please keep your distance

[She is leaning slightly away from him. Tammy, sweetie, you're gonna lose this game of chicken.]

 

*makes a recliner appear and reclines in it*

 

ive got flowery perfume if itd help.

 

"Nope," says Ford, "I'm an actual person. And I'm not playing at anything. Not knowing exactly what you've been through, I can't possibly claim to understand everything. However, I am concerned that you've managed to cram so much pain into so few years. I'm covered in scars, too, but I've had sixty-five years to collect the set."

 

"It's good to see you happy, Refractor," says Ford, grinning.

 

What, is there something wrong with her chassis? She should buff that out.

 

"Not always possible, Lacuna," says Ford with a shrug. "I suppose I could talk to Steven about mine, but some of them are there to protect me, and some of them are there to remind me, and nobody whose opinion actually counts seems to mind."

 

"Hey, not to harsh your buzz if you actually like this poser, but the Cronii are pretty much all bad news and there are actual real lesbians here. You poly?"