shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

[If aliens have nuts, they aren't where she's kicking. He waits for a few moments for Cronus to be out of her immediate range, sets her carefully on the ground, and hustles backward by a meter or so.]

-0 I'm sorry.

 

-he almost snarls, then simply turns his back on Primus-

So?

 

A pleasure doing business with you.

Always, sweetness. Of course, I can't say that it won't be briefly uninhabitable at times because of Flux and I, but you'll always have a place with me.

 

Of course, I'm a package deal with Stentato, but I daresay you're becoming quite fond of him!

Sorry I kinda threw a fit, haha.

 

Nah I like sweetspark better. Or honey. Or darling. Or literally anything but whippersnapper.

You know if you do actually want to have a go at me sometime I am thinking about putting a sparring room somewhere on the ship. Because that was fun even if you are a gorgeous pain in the aft about having fun.

 

Why Captain, are you inviting me to bloodsport? I am appalled. Shocked and appalled. Horrified. Dismayed. Utterly heartbroken you would do such a thing.

 

-he coughs-
I'm sure you noticed that the contract is null and void if signatures of both parties involved are not affixed.

 

Oh dear me. That was definitely an oversight.

[He beams at Life Support, then applies his signature.]

 

See, that's about what I thought. You don't say "gramps", I leave off "whippersnapper". Sound fair?
-he grins-

 

Of course. I realize a mech such as yourself would never fail to thoroughly read a contract.

 

It would be a terrible shame if I hadn't, hm? Thank goodness you caught that little mistake of mine.

 

Yes, you might never have had the lovely apartment I'm in the process of securing for you now!
-he sends burlesque a picture of the view from the living room window-

 

Yup.
I'm an awful sinner but I bet you don't punch harder than an overcharged miner.

Sure, cupcake.
-she grins back-

 

Oh, do y'really wanna go there, lovemuffin? I got a bunch'a Earth soaps t'pull stuff from. How's "cutie pie", then?

 

Ew.

And what a tragedy that would have been! It's good that you're looking out for me, Captain.

 

to quote a great piece of media
I'm not cute.
I'm adorabloodthirsty.

 

Tell me something you like about him, please?

 

-he laughs-
Oh, excuse me, my radiant goddess. My bloodthirsty queen of all.

 

-her fans hitch-
you stop that.

 

'Course, honey. But if you want me to start up again, all y'gotta do is ask.
-he winks-