shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

-corner of mouth twitch.- Takes one to know one.

 

I mean!!! Here is!!! It's totally safe here!!! Space is... space, though, just as dangerous as it always is??? But we're a big ship and we have diplomatic signals and several sensible bots aboard!!! It'll be fine!!! And like I said, Burlesque has experience!!! If things go to slag we'll know!!!

 

Yes. It's a sure thing. The TEAM is pretty damn fast and my weapons are pretty damn good. They won't be able to hurt you as long as I'm still between them and the crew.

 

-awkward petting of smol shoulder-

 

-she shrinks in on herself, embarrassed.-
If you say so, Lord Starscream, sir...

 

No. That's wrong. We had excellent weapons.

 

I.

[Telling her "nowhere's safe" is probably not the thing to do here, but fuck if he knows what is.]

...look, just because I'm a pessimistic slug doesn't mean everything is actually going to go awfully. You're-- your alt looks spaceworthy, you'll pull through, they'll--

[...on second thought, isn't this one one of those "sole survivor of that one massacre" people? Maybe reminding her that she'll survive even if everyone else doesn't isn't a good idea either.]

There's gotta be at least one competent person onboard right? Preparing for the bad things means we're that much less likely to get fragged over.

...Burlesque? That hot guy who walks all over the CyBeast rep?

...well maybe he can seduce someone I guess???? I'm sure there are some organics with a mech kink.

...glad to hear you're gonna at least try to protect us, Cap.

 

WOW that is INAPPROPRIATE there are a LOT of organics with a mech kink and Burlesque is brilliant with people who don't want to frag him anyway.

 

Look maaaybe it'll work this time who knows??? But I'm just saying there have been ceasefires before and we've thought the big M was dead before but the war just kept on rolling so who knows how long this one'll last? Two centuries three maybe?? I mean come on they've got Starscream in charge.

 

-huffs, only a LITTLE hurt in her professional pride-
I mean you haven't been to the armory so I can't blame you for not knowing, but my weapons are really really good.

 

ill fuck him. i vwolunteer to fuck him.

 

So was ours, and we had more people. No.

 

You couldn't afford him, you little kneecap.

 

Okay??? I have literally zero experience with the guy and honestly I haven't heard too much about him scuse me if I don't exactly lay all my hopes and dreams-- and plans-- on him.

 

Well!!! If you're going to be like that, their official titles are Minister Flux and Attache Burlesque!!! And while I'm sure that can be part of diplomacy too, I was referring to the kind where you trade favors and talk in doublespeak!!! I'm obviously not very good at that, but Attache Burlesque obviously is!!! Because it seems like he's fooled the entire ship!!! Although apparently it doesn't take much to fool you - seems like you just rely on appearances!!!
-he sniffs-

 

... really really really good.
It won't even come to a fight, Iridium. We're not stupid. I'm not stupid. We're going to run if it looks even a little bit too dangerous.

 

...okay. Yeah. We can run.

 

We will. You will all be okay and I will protect you. I promise.

 

Dude we have like 200 people onboard excuse me if I haven't exactly learned all their specialties in the two months since launch. [His wings flare out.] Minister Flux if you wanna get all formal about it is kinda super fragging paranoid about his security measures so guess who doesn't actually see a whole lot of him?? THIS GUY! [He gestures expansively at himself.] I'm just a nonaligned comms noncom don't come yelling at me!

 

-Mituna raises his hand.-

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