shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

On Christmas, he goes to all the kids' houses and gives them either presents or coal. And sometimes sneaks in a kiss with their mothers too.

 

Ugh, gross, keep the creep away from the protoforms!

 

This is doing absolutely nothing to convince me that this isn't a fetish. Why? Why does he do this?

 

Don't worry. They're all asleep when he comes, and he doesn't go into their bedrooms. The gifts or coal are put in stockings and under the Christmas tree.

 

*The instant he's to his feet, he yanks whatever part of his body Juice is holding onto away.*

VWATCH it, vwill you?? i just got ASSAULTED by some vwigilante HOOLIGAN, the least you could do is be GENTLE.

 

santa isnt real and you should feel bad for filling the robots head with blatant lies.

 

Burlesque, don't you think you're going about this from the wrong angle?

 

It's his job?

Like, Cupid's the God of Love, he does Valentine's Day. The Easter Bunny does, well... Easter. The April Fool does April Fools'. And nobody does Halloween, for some reason.

Uh, hello?

I've seen Santa in person, actually. I was flirting with some genie dames, he was swimming, I exploded and he came along to seduce them once I was gone.

 

You too, huh? Fucking bombs!

 

right.

and i nailed the tooth fairy vwhen she came for the teeth of my son harry potter.

 

[they rub their hand, which was injured when cronus yanked away from it]
you could be a little more grateful, y'know?..that "vwigilante HOOLIGAN" is my-...well...he's a very c-close friend of mine...

and he would have beat you within an inch of your life, if i hadn't stopped him

 

Santa is the realest thing I have ever seen at this moment in time.

Oh, absolutely. I am definitely going at it from the wrong angle. You are correct about that.

What a charming fetishist. I'm sure he's very happy with his bizarre little job.

 

... well. I did hear some rumours about her cheating on Jorgen Von Strangle, though I'd expect her to have better taste than that.

Yeah, I think he is.

 

It works better if you don't fuck them. Much less lethal.

 

That was an explicitive, not a verb, dammit!

 

...really..?

i haven't believed that santa was real for years...one year, the only thing i had on my list was for grandma to come back...

...i didn't receive any presents or coal that year...

 

Everyone who fragged ya´s still alive Capt´n. The magic thingamajigger here´s tellin´me yer a bomb.

 

... he's real in my dimension, at least. Not so sure about yours, though.

 

yeah. it was a threesome with parker the magic dolphin who grants wishes to unemployed college dropouts.

 

...huh, that's a real bummer...

[they nudge a pebble with their foot, lost in deep thought

their expression is unreadable]