Requesting Funny Pet Stories

new cat story: he climbed up one of my bookshelves, looked around a bit, then launched himself on top of my other bookshelf but landed on one of the boxes on it and went careening down onto my bed
and then went off like he meant to do that

#radical

 

Speaking of cats, bookshelves, and Fuzzbutt thinking deadly plants are candy:

I used to have an aloe plant. I went to my friend's house overnight. I put the plant on the very top of my only bookshelf. I left him LOTS of food, fresh water, a few toys out. Me going out overnight was not uncommon.

I came home to: the remains of the plant, in its pot, on the floor, dirt everywhere. And green kitty barf ALL OVER MY LIVINGROOM. I was too busy being horrified at first to be mad. I was researching if he'd be okay (he was). Eventually I just vacuumed it all up.

I threw away the plant. My garbage bin had a lid, and a solidly weighted bottom, because Fuzzbutt is like a dog and will go into my garbage unless I take precautions. This garbage bin arrangement kept him away from chicken bones and salmon skin. Should work for a plant that made him sick, right?

Got up for work the next morning, all was well. Went to work. Came home. GREEN KITTY BARF ALL OVER MY LIVINGROOM AGAIN. Literally all over. After I cleaned up this one, I took the half full garbage bag out to the bin outside. Because seriously.

My cat thinks poisonous plants are candy, likes the horrible taste, will keep eating especially if it makes him puke his guts out.

 

My first cat was a grey tiger named Bob. There was an afternoon where I just sat watching him for like, half an hour. Why? A bee had somehow gotten into the house and he was trying to eat it. Munch, spit it out, munch, spit it out. He eventually ate the poor little bee and I guess he avoided getting stung somehow since he seemed uninjured after this whole ordeal. I just didn't want to try to get a bee away from him because dear god, that would just increase the risk of damage because then the bee and the cat would both be upset!

He ended up getting turned into a warehouse cat because he was too aggressive. But in the warehouse, he would bring stuff he killed into my dad's office and leave him bits of it. Oh hey, have this squirrel tail, human! He also tried to have sex with my dad's furry hat in the winter even though he was neutered and all.

 

I vote Bob the title of Manliest Cat Who Ever Catted. 'Cause dayum.

 

Bob was the best. He also came when you called. I hope to someday have another cat half as great.

Anyways, more pet stories. I had a bearded dragon named Fluffy, Lord of the Flame. Most people don't really think "personality" when they think lizard, but Fluffy was a good boy. He bit me once or twice over the years I owned him, but that was just accidents when I was trying to hand feed him fruit. He'd let anyone hold him for awhile, then he'd get squirmy when it was time to put him back in his tank. Like, I even had a kid who was 5 or younger hold him with some supervision and he was fine and he never pooped on anybody or anything!
But then there's my brother.
Fluffy hated my brother. Why? Who knows. My brother never did anything to the little guy, but whenever Jason tried to hold Fluffy, Fluffy would jump off of him within like, a minute. Little lizard jumping from about 5 feet up had me like "oh no, baby, are you okay? Are your bones all intact?". He was fine. But since this kept happening, I decided my brother wasn't allowed to hold Fluffy anymore since he only did that around him, no one else, not even the damn small child who you'd expect more to do something to upset the animal!

 

The Black Cat! Being a silly butt and trying to look cool while hanging upside down

Spoiler: silly

 

When I got my cat and first brought her home she wasn't very good at things. Until then her life had pretty much been abuse and animal shelter (not at the same time, thankfully. The shelter I got her from is v good.) For the first couple months I owned her she thought her name was *scratchy motion* and she came when she was called.

 

awwww, poor bb!

 

the other night, my dad discovered that the puppy sleeps with her eyes open. fun!

 

that is some horror movie shit right there

 

(Context: A while ago there was an incident at home that prompted my mom to install security cameras.)
Move forward a few months...
We had ordered food. We weren't too hungry so we left some of it in the kitchen to put in the fridge for later. We come back and find that it's... completely gone. No crumbs, no nothing. Of course we suspected the dog. So we checked the security footage, and saw... this:

 

Fun fact: That first thing he grabs at 00:21 that he puts down immediately? That's a slice of lemon. So he somehow managed to be even cuter.

 

He ver. stealthy. :::PPP

 

I am in love w this perfect pupper and his countersurfing skills

 

Hmm, I have a couple!

1. (TW for mild animal peril; everything turns out ok in the end)
A long, long time ago, my mother worked in a lab which was doing tests on depth perception. They had originally wanted to use ferrets, but it turned out their apparatus required jumping and well. Ferrets can't jump.
One of the kittens they got had really bad vision in one eye (which means no depth perception), so my mom ended up adopting her. Her name was Willa Catfur, a pun about a famous writer.

Cut forward several years.
My parents buy a house. The house has a nice balcony at the top of the stairs over the entrance hall, so you can see out the door from both floors.
Soon after they moved in, one of my parents came in from doing yardwork, and looked up to see Willa... peering through the guardrail of the balcony. Sizing something up. Moments too late, the parent realises she's getting ready to jump down to them. And has no idea how far it is. Cat leaps, with great grace. Cat goes splat, with significantly less grace. Cat gets up looking really confused. And she never did it again.




2. My betta is extremely furious, and lives her life with great vigor.
Sometimes I go to feed her when I'm talking with a friend, and I forget to let go of the pellet.... and she jumps straight up to grab it out of my fingers.

 

My hamster apparently really likes cat food. During her latest escape I found a pile of cat food where she always hides out at.

 

Today, a cat walked into church, confusing all the parishioners who he passed while wandering through pews and feet. He was beautiful, i think he was about a year old. His chest and chin was white but from the face to the tail was mix of orange and gray and his eyes were a pretty greenish yellow. His name was chomper <3

 

Pupper fact of the day: for some reason he won't stop trying to chew on the other dogs' lips.

 

he could be trying to mob them (lick their faces as a sign of submissiveness)

 

That might have been how he got there in the first place, but I think the behavior itself has a lot to do with the fact that Boston Terriers have big flappy jowls that make excellent targets and he's still in the "chew on everything" stage. Other things he is fixated on include: shoes, feet, and Missy's dumb little tail.