shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

I'm thousands of sweeps old at this point. There is one way He likes His tea done. One.

Guess.

-takes the and sniffs at it. teas always have nice smells. takes a drink. yes. this is fine-

 

*LOUD HISSING.*

 

*Water is SENSORY HELL. She's suffering.*

 

"From the way you're talking, I am assuming he likes it salty, with only the most heartbroken children's tears as a flavouring." Valiska frowns. "Stanford doesn't tell me other people's secrets, unless there's a very good reason."

"If you assist by scrubbing yourself," Valiska says over her shoulder, "it will be over faster and then I will magic you and your clothing dry. If not..." She shrugs. "For fuck's sake, I am sure I heard you say you had fleas. In our house, not even the animals are allowed to have fleas. And why would you want them? They bite."

 

its vwhere i get my NAME. i dont evwen KNOWV if i still havwe fleas! turn OFF the VWATER.

 

I get fucking bored.

 

Ford looks at her softly. "You don't ask me to," he points out, and takes her hand and kisses it.

 

"I don't need to know what you and other people talk about because I trust you, and I know you're mine."

Valiska smiles at the kiss.

"How else can we get you clean? Any ideas?"

 

-he accepts it. sips, and just about purrs- This tastes even better as an organic. Thank you.

 

howv about vwe dont? this is POLITICALLY MOTIVWATED dirt.

 

Ford sighs. "Honestly, he treats you awfully, and I would find the way to destroy him if I thought you'd let me try."

 

-rolls eyes and drinks more of her tea-

 

Can't. Just how these things work. You do and there'll just be another me working for him.

 

Heyyyyy baby bro what's this can I have a sip?
*leans on Libby annoyingly*

 

Valiska rolls her eyes, stops the shower, and dreams Itch clean. "Be filthy around whoever you're protesting, but there's no reason anyone here should have to smell it, and if you can't stand to be assaulted with a little soap and water, how about not assaulting other people with your own germ-ridden biological effluvia?"

"You realise that he--whoever he is--is not welcome to be clade with us, whatever does or does not happen between my husband and you. And that if we allow you to be clade with us, we will regard him as an enemy."

 

Great. Then I'll just die early some other way because Paradox Space hates loose ends. Another me will be right on track and working for Him.

 

*Without the thick layer of grime, Itch no longer resembles a half-crazed fish gremlin. For the most part.*

HEY! THAT TOOK SVWEEPS TO BUILD UP. fucking pain in the ass fucking CLEANLINESS POLICE.

*She goes back to gnawing on her fingers, which aren't as fun to chew on without the slightly musky taste of dirt and sweat.*

 

"Just because we hate him, whether or not we do anything about that?"

 

It doesn't even have anything to do with Him. Not His plan or His choice. He'll you Himself that He's just a Host. If any of the players move out of phase then another set of exactly the same pieces continue the plan. Deviant timelines die meanwhile. It's just how the loops work.

 

Valiska sighs. "But we can't be clade with someone like him. Even if we were willing to submit to an eldritch horror again--and we're not--we have children." She sighs again. "Why are you so sure that nothing can ever be changed? Norm was also trapped for millennia, but he was willing to believe he could be free. I can't not care. Not if Ford cares. Caliginous caring is still caring. You want to make each other better, even though you drive each other mad."