shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

Surely there are some higher honors? Nearly every Dalish I've met has had vallaslin.

 

Oh, there are many higher others! Like First or Keeper or Harhen or watcher of the Halla...Still, you're not quite an adult or a functioning part of the clan without it. Surely that's a high honor? Being an adult?

 

*Vic looks from one to the other*

Holy shit, you guys are the real deal. I knew I ended up somewhere strange. What's this, the universe's odds and ends drawer? Lost and found department?

So that crazy old coot was right, elves ARE real. Who'd'a thought.

 

It seems to be some sort of Not-Fade or Not-Beyond. The Fade or Beyond being the realm of spirits and dreamers and demons. The dead reside there as well. It is shaped by magic and thought and spirits, and is more than a little bit treacherous to walk.

And of course we are real. Why wouldn't we be?

 

reals subjectivwe.

 

If we are going to argue like that we'll be here all day.

 

im just saying, its all the same anyvways!

 

Where I'm from, elves are things from stories or movies or whatever. You don't actually exist. Some people think they're elves and dress up like them. Even get the ears done. They're still humans.

Damn, I should take you all to Comic-Con, they'd fucking love you. Real life elves. Probably have to beat people with a stick to keep them offa you though. That'd be shit. Anyway, hello. I'm glad this isn't Hell, at any rate. My folks would love it if Hell was real.

 

It's not a really useful thing to say though, is it?

 

That sounds very...odd. A bit disturbing, too! The humans dressing up like us and getting fake pointed ears. Are they alright?

Humans loving us sounds very odd too. You'd have to beat them off with a stick and it wouldn't be because they hated us or thought we stole something or because they think it's funny to hurt us?

 

its useful if people vwill stop freaking out about a little blood.

 

What does blood have to do with whether or not elves are real?

 

CLEARLY you dont understand anything.

 

I understand many things.

 

They're not all alright, no! But they're generally harmless. And no! It'd be like all the stories suddenly came alive! Elves are all over our stories, people love them mostly. Hollywood talent scouts would be hunting you down to give you money if you'll be in their movies. They'd want you on the late night talk shows. And that'd only be the beginning of the commercial opportunities!

... Sorry, I am a bit of a cynic. I can't help it.

 

You'd like Isabella then, I think. She's like that. Very cynical and all "Oh, Kitten, if you had seen the things I've seen" and "I don't make love". But I know better!

Also that's sounding ever stranger. They'd give me money just for being an elf? Would I have to live in an alienage? Or would I get a nice garden like the old viscount had? I still find that strange, by the way. That you can just go and decide "Why, yes, this is my private garden and no one is allowed in it. My guards will be very cross at you if you so much as look at my trees that I own with my human money!"

 

Take that attitude and add a few hundred years and you get twenty-first century America. Tell them they'll hate it. You'd really hate it even though they'd love you. Nothing matters but money there.

 

Not even history or language or culture or those lovely sweet cakes humans make? That sounds horrible, to be frank.

 

vwhat if youre a troll. vwould they do that for trolls too??

 

Those are luxuries. Things people buy who have lots of money. Though we do at least have good sweets, true. For money, of course."

Trolls are normally villains. Monsters. The enemy. Maybe a little bit, but also the elves are prettier. A pretty face is worth money. Put it this way. Nobody fantasizes about trolls while they find their pleasure. They do, elves. Though there was that webcomic thing with trolls in it. A few crazy fans but I never cared for it.