The Non-Dudebro's Guide to the Apocalypse

#tungletotter tangents are the best tangents

 

similar from boy scouts, might have been homophobic idiots, but they did still manage to impart some usefull survival skills.

 

i know a lot of shit about animal husbandry, plant identification, shelter building, and pottery! also i can do cpr but that's about the extent of my medical skills, lmao. i would be...not entirely useless post-apocalypse, i don't think?

 

i can contribute to the conversion of yarn into hats, scarves, probably blankets if you give me enough time. Also lol diabetic, halp i would not survive hellpocalypse

 

i am pretty skilled in gardening and cooking, and have passing knowledge in sewing and crochet. if humans are anything like cats, i am also well-versed in handling infections and various injuries. yay useful!

ETA: forgot lmao. i have higher-than-average knowledge on how to identify/find edible plants, especially those in the midwest and rocky mountain areas

Spoiler: morbid

if the apocalypse happens sometime 2-3 years or later from now, i will hopefully also be skilled in safely handling and disposing of corpses.

 

a very useful skill to have if the situation permits, tbh.

 

I keep hearing that humans and animals are fairly similar in terms of most injuries as long as we aren't counting like, major surgery.

 

yeah, my medical knowledge comes from going to an agricultural high school
I can raise you some chickens or something if someone gets me them and someone else makes a place for them to stay

 

I am pretty handy with home repairs and know enough carpentry basics to frame a house. (Or build @emythos a chicken coop!) Hopefully that will make up for my tendency to kill any plant I touch. I am also not at all squeamish and don't mind taking dirty or gross jobs off people's hands.

 

that reminds me of my friend ang's super epic chicken coup
her dad repurposed a swing set they had as the frame for it.

 

i actually worry about this and characters with insulin dependent diabetes (edit: specifically in apocalyptic stuff) trigger my anxiety like whoa because my sister is diabetic, and i found a survivalist forum where someone researched how to make insulin in emergency situations. it involves shit tons of livestock. its difficult but not impossible

 

got a link to the insulin thing? I'd like to know how many shittons of livestock we're talking.

 

p r e p a r e/ t h e/ p i g/ p a n c r e a s e s
(coughs) also that reminds me, people who understand nutrition would be crucial so we dont all die of like, scurvy or of eating too many acorns or something

 

I can do furniture building and art, you know, as artists do. Also bookkeeping. Which is surely going to be a vital skill in the post-apocalyptic future. :P

In all seriousness, I can shoot fairly well, though I've never had to hit a live target before, and while I faint at the sight of blood, I'm a reasonable cook for the most part. I know how to take care of joints and how to lift things properly and how to chop wood. Also access to a dude with a stockpile of food and an obsession with powering his home off the grid, so there's that too.

Spoiler: sad tangent maybe

My mom has pretty much told stepdad that in the event of a world-ending apocalypse where she couldn't get her medication anymore, she'd pretty much rather die and I'm... inclined to agree with her, given where my health is going to go. I mean, I'd like to think we'd keep on kicking! But the cripple commune my stepdad desperately wants to protect would also be a commune of depressed and suicidal people, so I can say it might not be a happy arena.

 

http://www.survivalistboards.com/showthread.php?t=33479

 

I can do basic clothing repairs. I have a ridiculous internal database of random general knowledge, some of which will have to be useful in an apocalypse scenario! Uhh I guess I'm weirdly good at dressing wounds and taking care of injured people??? I think, at least??? I can also read and write and if we need to open schools I am (almost) a qualified teacher! I'm also pretty good at looking at what food I have available and making something tasty with it, which is probably useful?

I'll just need someone to look after me when I go into SSRI withdrawal when my meds run out, and be patient with me when I can't get ADHD meds anymore and I become 100000x more scatterbrained constantly XD ...Also to carry my asthmatic ass if we have to run very far bc I'm sure I can run if I need to but uh yeah not being able to get in enough oxygen to supply your muscles is uh. A thing that could be a problem.

 

i'm willing to help keep an eye on people coming down off meds or who are sick, i've got experience from dealing with my parents when one's brain fucks up and the other's body fucks up.

 

i cannot currently think of my post-appoc useful abilities... hm. i know basic medical stuff because chronic illness, but. hmm

wait! i can watch children. if anyone has children i can supervise and provide very basic general education

 

i could probably pick up pretty quick how to turn dead animals into food (like, preparing the meat and cooking it and stuff) cause im good with gorey stuff like that and cook a lot, but i'd suck in medical emergencies. i also know a little bit about what to do about latrines (where to put them, how deep to dig, what to dig with if you dont got a shovel) so that might be useful for a hot minute

 

I have researched survivalism extensively as a way to cope with all that yelling in the public consciousness that "we've irrevocably fucked up our planet and we are going to die". I don't know everything, but that's fine, since I would really rather be in a group anyway.

I also have the ability to improvise. Which apparently a lot of people... don't?

I decided a while ago that if I was going to be good at fibercrafts, I was going to be good at all the fibercrafts. I still don't know how to get the wool off a sheep, but give me, like, a large thistle patch or cotton field or something (or, the wool sheared off a sheep and a lot of soap) and two years with someone else who knows how to woodwork small objects, and you will have the vast majority of your clothing needs covered (pun intended). (I also have a theoretical knowledge of how exactly you get the fiber from flax, although I haven't actually done so before.)

Like. I know how to card fiber and de-seed cotton (deseeding cotton is really hard, fwiw, the "cotton gin" that automated this process was one of those things propping up the Southern states in the run-up to the Civil War), how to spin fiber on a drop spindle, how to ply fiber on a(n) (ideally slightly larger) drop spindle, I believe I still know how to construct a backstrap loom with string heddle (and with someone-who-can-woodwork, rigid heddle). I also know how to sew, and can probably improvise passable people-coverings when given a large piece of cloth and no instructions.

Also, of course, I can knit and crochet.

Properly speaking, acorns are only edible after you pound them to flour and then rinse the flour several times (as if you were making tea) to remove the tannins. I'm not sure what you do with the flour after that, although my best guess would probably be gruel.