Requesting Funny Pet Stories

How do you make a dog drop something he shouldn't have when his favorite game is Keep Away?

Find something he likes better. Food? No. Treats? No. Walkies? No. Toys? Meh. What he has is better.

Unless it squeaks. He'll do anything for a fucking squeak toy. Dog toys are like, $8-16, that's ridiculous. I can't afford that shit when it takes <5min for him to destroy it!

... except I can buy a bag of 50 squeaky rubber duckies on Amazon for $15.

SUCCESS

 

I just had to steal the bag of kitten food and balance it on top of the lampshade of a standing floor lamp to keep Zeus from getting into it, because that's the only place in the apartment I can think of where it's both visible and out of his reach. It's thoroughly silly-looking.

 

I should also note that when I stole it he stared at me really wide-eyed the whole time to make it as clear as possible that he was starving to death and if I give him that bag back he'll take good care of it for me. He also did the "gonna jump onto the counter, gonna jump onto the counter, bounce, bounce, bounce- wait she's watching me" dance for like a full minute.

 

My parents' cat Tenchi will lead you to the cat food bag when it's time for food (he's in a diet and so gets a set amount 2x a day). He meows at you, winds around your feet, runs to the bag, sits there watching you, then comes back if you aren't moving fast enough or might get lost.

My partner's parents' cat Smokie, without fail, starts announcing that it's time for treats an hour before treat time.

The Black Cat will bring you his favorite toy (drawstring from a hoodie) and sit on it and stare at you until you play with him. He also seems to really enjoy jumping up on the dining table while people are playing cards there.

Waif likes to sit on the back of the couch and wash your hair. He really really likes my brother-in-law's hair.

 

So I used to lease this horse named Willy (he's still fine, I just moved out of town so I no longer ride him!) and he was very skittish. Would shy at all manner of things, people, horses, the wind, small toy trucks, you name it.
but there was one thing he was not scared of. No, he would walk towards these fearlessly. These being cars going 65 mph
Willy whyyyyyy
he was a nightmare to bring out on the road. he'd shy at the grass and snowbanks and want to walk in the middle of the road ;-;

 

Oh, I don't think I shared this puppy fact: he a) is VERY UPSET when he can't be near other people, b) hasn't quite figured out how going against gravity works yet, and c) has figured out that if he makes pathetic little squeaky noises, people will pay attention to him. Result: whenever I go on a walk with him, Mom, and Elliot, he has to be air-lifted in and out of the back seat, and when Elliot climbs into the front seat, the puppy starts up with the saddest, squeakiest whimpering in the world and doesn't stop unless you stick your hand back to scratch his head or something. It's doubly funny because when he actually barks, he has a really deep voice for a puppy his size.

 

Another puppy fact: today he discovered that he can grab Missy's collar and drag her around.

This will not end well.

 

so, years and years ago, when our second beardie, Spencer, was a puppy, he and our other beardie, Lessa, were at agility practice w a whole group of dogs, and among them was an older (like 3 yr old) beardie girl named Echo. Spencer spent the entire class trying to flirt w Echo, who was thought he was being a cute puppy, until Lessa took Spencer by the leash and dragged him away from Echo. this had all the humans in the class laughing, which only encouraged Lessa to hold on to Spence's lead and drag him around everywhere for the rest of the session

 

The pupper we're fostering has been known to try to pant without opening her mouth. So she just snorts a lot, it sounds and looks very weird. Mum's hypothesis is that it stops her mouth from getting dry.

She also has a command to jump up and grab long narrow objects-this is currently always sticks. If she isn't holding anything she grabs the stick 100% of the time. If she is holding anything, she never drops it and so just bonks the stick with whatever she's holding 100% of the time instead.

Less a funny pet story and more of a "my mother is weird with pets" story, but my mother does things like repeatedly gently pat the dog on the head...while saying "brain damage!" every time she pets her. And finishing off with, very serious-sounding, "never hit a dog on the head."
Other things she has done just today: repeatedly stick her fingers in the dog's (wide open, it's hot out) mouth and say "bite" each time; tap the dog's nose repeatedly while saying "punch to the nose!" every time; when the dog laid down, saying "dead dog!" and starting to pat her; and telling the dog to swim off my bed.

We also have a cat (who has been known to do a somersault trying to catch his own tail), a parrot who can't figure out how to reliably turn in-flight, and several chickens. The chickens currently have a tendency to get out and chase the dog, the parrot tries to bite everything except us, and the cat is a scaredy cat.

Parrot stories include "mum accidentally taught the parrot the word "naked" because the parrot kept asking her to go for a walk while she was in the shower, this was revealed by the parrot suddenly yelling NAKED WALK", "the parrot pranks us all by perfectly mimicking smoke alarm noises", and about fifty different iterations of "how the heck did you get there, you can't fly properly?"

 

Also the pupper can open doors and gates.

She technically belongs to the police (we're just fostering her, they might breed from her).

We discovered that she had figured out gates when a police officer told us that, while the pupper been staying at the dog training center, she'd opened all the gates and let every dog out. All of them. It was chaos. They said to her, "how'd you do that?" with 'that' referring to getting out, and she went and opened all the gates again.

She has not yet figured out doorknobs.

 

When I go to Petco or Petsmart I go pet any adoptable cats they may have, because my cats came from a big stray colony and they kind of miss it and they like it when I pet strange cats and bring home new cat smells on my hands.

A gray and white spotted kitty named Sammy didn't come out for pets until he saw his next door neighbor (a fluffy orange tabby named Salem) reach through the kennel bars and grab my sleeve and refuse to let go until he was pet to his liking. Then Sammy came out and started gently gnawing on my fingers and making the goofiest face and even goofier snorty-sniffy-purr noises at me.

Also a silly little gray spotted-bellied tabby kitty whose name I forgot repeatedly tried to pull my hat off while I tried to pet her downstairs neighbor.

 

I was doing a summer school assessment (last one for the year), and Mum was out in town buying vinegar for making meatloaf. And the parrot was making odd noises and beeping.

Then she quietened down for about a minute. She broke her silence with the phrase, "Pineapple cult."

We have no idea where she heard either of those words.

 

So, we have a dog and many cats, but only one of the cats is relevant to this story. Pocket is a skinny-bones grumpy old Hurricane Katrina rescue who used to fight with all the other cats and sent my dad to the hospital once (my dad tried to nuzzle him while he was staring out the window at another cat, so like.) Pocket has gotten marginally chiller in his old age and is PROVISIONALLY okay with the dog, and she doesn't care that much about any of the cats, so.

One night we had some pork chops for dinner. A little while later, my dad and I were hanging out when we heard an Unholy Noise from the hallway. We realized Pocket was frantically trying to fend Cupcake off from this cardboard box in the hallway, to which (my dad discovered) he was trying to bring a bit of pork he had stolen from the garbage can because someone didn't slide it all the way closed.

My dad confiscated the pork bit. Pocket was extremely sad. Cupcake was extremely sad. She licked the whole hallway. We settled back down and then: UNHOLY NOISE 2.0.

Pocket had in fact SUCCESSFULLY stashed a pORK BONE in the box and then GONE BACK for the bit of meat, and now Cupcake was trying to take THAT too and he was very cross.

I also once saw him very gently pick up a large tomato in his teeth and try to steal it. Yuki once carried a potato out of the basement and into the living room. Abba and Emma lose their shit over banana bread and lick plastic bags and Emma chews the corners off pieces of paper. menaces one and all, i tell you :P

 

When we first got Penny we quickly learned that keeping her dry food in a cupboard wasn't enough to keep her from chewing into it. Even a child-proofed cupboard. So my mom thought to put it in a tupperware container, which worked for a while, and we all thought it was pretty funny how Penny would pull it out of the cupboard and sadly try to get to the food.

Then one day I saw her sitting on top of the container and successfully pawing the lid open.

Now her food is kept in containers with screw-top lids.

 

My mother's previous dog was named Sissy.
We got her from the pound when I was very small, and she came with that name.

 

Current cat, Echo, likes to play with shopping bags. So I have to keep my reusable shopping bags closed up in the closet so she doesn't destroy them. But there's one that was from the free table at university that just sits on the kitchen floor for her. Sometimes she scratches and kicks it to death, sometimes she crawls inside it and we'll pick it up with her inside if we notice because it's funny to see her reaction.
She also plays fetch with the rings from a gallon of milk, but... not 100% reliably. She'll bring the ring back and drop it over here by me while I'm on the computer and I throw it out of the room, she swats it around a bit and brings it back. Except sometimes she forgets to bring it back so she just looks at you all expectant but there's nothing to throw for her. If you fake it when she knows you had a ring, she'll go for the fake out :P

Aaaand it's midnight and she's in the spot she claimed on my bed. So time to make my bed and go to sleep I suppose. When your cat dictates your bedtime...

 

We had a big aluminum.. Cookie tin? Tall cookie tin? It originally stored bags of popcorn. Popcorn tin? Anyway Pocket and Abba learned how to pop the top of it off by nosing it repeatedly and then like Every Cat (we have seven) would come try to eat the cat food.

 

edit: I love each and every one of these animals. pls tell them that next chance you get

ok, so this morning the dogs woke dad up at 4:30 AM to let them outside. and he grumbles and bitches (pun intended) the entire time he gets up, and grumps and gripes at the dogs for waking him up at stupid o'clock in the morning. but when he actually gets to the back door to let them out, what does he do?

he gives them each a cookie. for waking him up at stupid o'clock in the morning to go outside.

even funnier, he says he gives them cookies to reward them for going outside. but, thing is, they would have done that anyways.

teal;deer- my dad is ridiculous, and the dogs have him trained

 

Speaking of pets waking people up, my parents' cat Freddy thinks he should go out every morning at 5:00. He likes to wake them up by licking their eyebrows.

 

My mother made plum jam, and after emptying the pot into jars, left the pot on the bench.
Result: our parrot got onto the jam pot and started eating the jam. It looks very silly, there's just tail and feet sticking out of the pot while she licks the bottom.