Grand Old Academy: A Satirical Dating Sim (demo liveblog)

So after seeing the link to this thing in the election thread, I feel like I've transcended the normal spectrum of human emotion. I also think we all need this, in these dark times.
I'm going to be liveblogging this experience. If you want to help make it become a full fledged thing, here's the link to the kickstarter. I really want it to be funded now, because I feel like I've taken crazy pills.

 

I'M DYING INSIDE LET'S DO THIS

 

IM PLAYING TOO it's gr8 but fyi the "next" button is a little finicky about where you can click it

 

ASHJGDSGJH MEGYN HAS AN ELEPHAN PLUSH ON HER BED this is thrilling

(that's the animal mascot for the republican party)

 

I went through this opening about 20 times to get all these shots. You're welcome.
Also: I'm not in the US, but I do follow the politics x3 Hopefully this brings you all some kind of joy xD
The main musical theme seems to be a toy piano remix of the national anthem.

 

...is ted cruz the token yandere
wtf is this beautiful weirdness

 

is
is that yandere ted cruz
christ

 

OH MY GOD THERE ARE TED CRUZ ZODIAC KILLER JOKES IN THIS FUCKING GAME?

 

it's gorgeous

 

STRAP ON YOUR SEATBELT FOLKS IT'S TIME TO ROMANCE AMERICA.

LITERALLY.



Seems Legit.
This is the Grandest. The Oldest. Grand Old Academy.
Our new school.



I feel like this screenshot sums up the election tbh x3

 

ohhhhhhh my god
kathy you are a Gift

 

the "greatest debate of all" makes me think of <3<

 

We pay the taxi driver, overwhelmed at the sight of Grand Old Academy. We have two suitcases. One will transport our body back to Japan after Ted Cruz kills us, I imagine.
The taxi driver then not-so-subtly asks for his tip.

We're definitely going to die.

#Same

Look I came here to screw rich and predominantly white men, not be judged by dead ones. I'm judging myself hard enough for all of you.

I reiterate. We're going to die.

 

I am suddenly afraid that this is somehow a new FNAF game. Five Nights At Ted's.
We go through the gate and are immediately overwhelmed by the Pristine Scenery. Nobody Notices us. This is fine by us.

I'm sure they'll do a more than good job as weights when we're tossed off a pier.

I have no idea who this is but I want to smooch her. Her theme is a mischievous tonka toy sort of thing.

Okay. Were you just. Waiting here? For how long?

 

If we're explaining the elephants...

Spoiler: Another thing people not from the US may or may not know

It's "Grand Old Academy" because the Republican party is nicknamed the "Grand Old Party"/GOP.

 

She seems pretty chill. I don't trust it.

Jesus fuck. That's some Stepford Wives shit right there. Our character tells her to call her by her given name, America.

She helps with the luggage and reflects on the weird idea of America being someone's last or first name.

She starts to explain what one building is, but THEN

 

Hell yeah it was! We ask who that asshole was.

then she did this


I like her

Never mind the game character, I'm actually going to die.

 

I can't express how much I hate this. Please keep it up.